My First Metal Gig – Vanguard live at Dock Street Bar And Grill, Staten Island, NY February 4th 2005

Posted on July 6, 2020April 19, 2021 by Mike

As I might’ve alluded to in a previous article or two, I joined my first Metal band as a guitarist in 2004. Previously I’d been a drummer. But it wasn’t until close to year’s end that we rounded up our line up with a rhythm section, having auditioned these two buffoons in Phrygian Studios in Staten Island. As far as I know it’s still around…although that might change depending on when this pandemic ends. THAT was an audition! A completely inexperienced drummer with no technique, a bassist that knew literally nothing about the bass and WREAKED OF SHIT ALL THE FUCKING TIME, and Chad, my co-guitarist who seemingly forgot how to play anything that day or just didn’t have a care in the world. More on the that later!

Fast forward to early 2005. Joe Ryder, our original bassist, while a really nice, quiet guy, was replaced with John Vaynburg, a far more talented bassist – one of only two bassists I ever played with that could nail “The Trooper”, my all time favorite Maiden tune, to the T! Unfortunately he turned out to be a bit of a princess. But hey at least he didn’t WREAK OF SHIT ALL THE FUCKING TIME! Chris, our drummer, slowly began to hold quite an influence on Chad and Idrees’s decision making, thanks to his far more arrogant personality. And I’d every once and a while be lectured – even by the very drummer who I taught to FINALLY develop independent control of his hands and feet! – in regards to my guitar playing being nowhere near as fluid or as glorious as Chad’s. Oh sure, Chad certainly did have technique. But I had tons more feel and attitude. More on that later.

Around this time, we had a few originals, written mainly by Chad. I’d brought some stuff to the table but I’d leave the band almost right after they’d started using my shit. But it was evident that Chad’s music was more in favor because it was more in the Power Metal vein that Chad and Chris were very much into. Power Metal: GAY. Idrees’s gay ass cheesy lyrics didn’t help either! It was hilarious that this is what seemed to be agreed upon when you consider that we were five guys between the ages of 17 and 20 (I was the oldest and the only one in college) that all had individual subgenre favorites.

Idrees, who my own father referred to as “that black kid who thinks he’s white”, was stuck somewhere between 1983 and 1990, and Slayer was his religion, like to the point that it was pathetic. His “singing”, if you can call it that, was more akin to if Luther Vandross joined Judas Preist. I still roast him to this day over it. Chad, while a major Iron Maiden fanatic, also was enamored in all things Steve Vai. Chris essentially followed Chad’s path, only he became a Power Metal fanatic (although he’d see the light months later). John’s tastes were closer to mine. He was very much a Death Metal fan, like I. He also was a Black Metal fan. Then there was me, and if you’ve been reading this blog for the last five years then you already know I only listen to the good shit. And it reflected in my playing, especially my lead playing, sloppy as it might’ve been at the time. I wanted to be the bastard child of Mustaine in his prime and Zakk Wylde. While Chad played prissy lead fills, I was the guy that just ripped on his Body Art Series B.C. Rich Bich.

The Ballad Of Dock St Bar And Grill

As the title of this rant should suggest, this gig was on Staten Island. I might as well admit that I’m actually from Staten Island. Trust me, I’m not proud of it. Where to begin? Well, for the sake of this article anyway, the music scene, at least at this time, could only be described in one word: LAME. Due to the Island’s isolation from the other four boroughs in New York City, along with some fucking morons blindly wearing that isolation with pride, there was nothing really exciting to talk about. There’s a reason why Chris would eventually look outside the island for people to play with.

The local Metal scene had very few decent bands. Dethroned, Enthralled and especially Into The Dementia come to mind (not the biggest Prog Metal fan but fuck me could Anthony sing!). Whiny Pop Punk was very popular. Rap was and will forever be a big deal on Staten Island, primarily because Wu Tang are from there. And by the way, if you’re reading this, are a grown adult around my age living in Staten Island, and still refer to it as “Shaolin”, you should probably be shot in the throat. Five times. But the tried and true money maker, as I’d later discover? Cover bands. So in a nutshell, Staten Island was, and probably still is boring.

By the way, just so we’re clear: Fuck the Wu Tang Clan and anybody that looks like them.

Dock St had been around for decades. I’d actually played there numerous times during my senior year of high school in 2001 and 2002 with my previous band. Aside from Cock St, there hadn’t been many venues for bands to play in that I knew of, especially in the case of bands where only one of us was BARELY under 21. Fuck, Dock St alone had gone through countless management changes both before I ever even played there and especially long after I’d stopped going there. I hated it. It was small, I didn’t like that the booker, who I’d known for a few years, was a grown man befriending the kids, and it was just boring to me. If you’re a grown man hanging out with teenagers, you’re creepy.

Gig Night

Image (3) — **Inside the shithole that was Dock St. In the middle, starting from the left: Chris Dickinson (yeah, that Chris Dickinson), Chad Cresante, John Vaynburg. Bottom: Idrees Williams**

Unlike most of the bandmates I’ve played with over the years, I never got nervous or anxious before a gig. This was no different. But I was very tired, and very annoyed when Chris called me while I was home napping before the show, wanting to know where I was. When I told him I was home resting before the gig because you know, I had work early in the morning and then class afterwards, he had the nerve to tell me to get down there as soon as possible as if it was his band. Of course I ignored him and did my own thing. I heard the anxiety in his voice. This was his first band and hey, I was 16 when I did my first shows. But a word of advice to you anxious musicians out there: there’s NO NEED TO PANIC BEFORE A FUCKING GIG. JUST GET THE SAND OUT OF YOUR PUSSIES AND YOU’LL BE JUST FINE.

My mom, of all people, came to the gig. I warned her not to, for she was going to see a side of me she’d wish she never saw. The band were going to see a side of me they didn’t think they’d see either. More on that later. I do remember seeing some teenager with a water bottle. He asked me if a wanted a swig before going onstage, revealing that the water was actually whiskey. How could I say no? I walked up on stage decked out in all black. I had on a Death t-shirt that I actually still have, black jeans, black boots, a biker watch and a chain around my neck, ready to show these idiots who the real star was…after someone told me he wanted to have sex with my guitar.

We opened up with a song called “Death Knell” (and here we go with the gay ass song titles!), after Idrees refused to introduce the band because we needed “to sound like we’ve been around for five years”. He actually said that. To this day he claims he meant that as a joke; but he seemed way too serious for that to be a joke. As soon as the tempo picked up I spread my legs as far apart as they would go and began banging my head as aggressively as I could without my glasses falling off. I spat into the audience, my eyes popped out of my head as I was ripping through solos.

Then I opened up my mouth. There were a lot more people at the show then I imagined there would be. Very few of them were there for me but the crowd were so into it that a former friend of mine decided to guard my mom, who according to him claimed she was going to beat up the first person who bumped into her. Well, she didn’t stay around much longer. After the second or third song, I took the mic from Idrees, looked toward Chad’s emo looking friends and yelled out “…and remember kids, emo is for pussies!”.

We went on to play a few more cheesy titled original tracks along with covers of “Aces High” (where I played the part of Adrian Smith) and “Peace Sells…But Who’s Buying” (where I played the part of Dave, of course!). Chad was probably the one guy who had no life to him during this show…or any of the shows we played together. Looking at some of the pictures that were taken he appeared to just have some arrogant smirk on his face, as if he was already bored because even his own music wasn’t challenging enough for him. It was the same smirk he had the afternoon we auditioned Chris and Joe Ryder just three months earlier. Kids, when you don’t know how to just have fun at your FIRST GIG, you’ll never have fun.

Image (8) — **Doing my best Adrian Smith impression, playing his solo in “Aces High”.**

Image (6) — **Final song of the night, “Fear Is Eternal”. See what I mean about these gay song titles??**

As I walked off the stage, the first thing I noticed was my mom was gone and I right away assumed it was because I singled out the emo kids the way I did. I did stay for the last band, Whole In One. They were a Pop Punk band, however I was friends with Ralph, their drummer. I’m almost positive I left after them and joined the band for food afterwards at Mike’s Place in New Dorp Lane.

I arrived home late that night to a call on my cell phone as I was walking upstairs. It was these two possibly drunk whores prank calling me. Upon asking them how they got my number and who they were they were rambling a lot, prompting me to hang up. They called back, asking me why I hung up, prompting me to threaten their lives. They then left a hilarious voicemail claiming I never had sex, which was pretty funny since I lost my virginity at 18; and that I apparently suck because I like Iron Maiden. That was a actually an amusing little chuckle to end my night.

The Day After

While eating oatmeal before I left for work early the next morning, mom slowly walked into the kitchen to finally give me a piece of her “mind”, as it were. She was so pitiful, reflecting back in such dramatic fashion, on her view of me after seeing and hearing me in front of a live mic. She confirmed, like the drama queen she always was and still is, that she did in fact walk right out the moment she heard me call out those kids. “You were better in Fallout”, she angrily told me before walking back into her bedroom. Fallout was my high school band, in which I played drums. Therefore I’ve no doubt that her last remark to me was her way of telling me things were better when I couldn’t get to a mic so easily. She’d never see me play live again.

Later that night, I picked up Idrees to go hang out at Chris’s house. Chris’s attention, for the most part was aimed directly at me. Why? Remember when I said I was going to show a side of me the band never saw before? Well, he sure as fuck didn’t know what to make of my performance even 24 hours later. When I asked him what the big deal was he commented that he’d seen me with my feet planted together at virtually every band rehearsal leading up to the gig, seemingly having no life in me. I tricked them all to the point where Chris got a tad giddy as he told Idrees and I “you both are like my fuckin’ Thrash Metal icons man!”. Mission complete.

Inside the house was the guy that recorded our show to watch. And apparently he was emo, because he immediately pleaded with me to not do what I did on the mic ever again because I sounded like an asshole. I think he later on went home and cried as he fingered his pussy while blasting his favorite Bright Eyes album. Mission accomplished!

The End Of Days Is Near…RIP Slayer

Posted on January 27, 2018January 27, 2018 by Mike

I’ve been wondering for almost five years if they’d ever get a fucking clue and just call it a day. Then, this past Monday, Slayer made this bombshell announcement amid rumors of a huge summer tour lineup including Testament, Behemoth, Lamb Of God and fellow Big Four band Anthrax:

Well damn. There was just one thing for me to say….it’s about fucking time! In my opinion this should’ve been done nearly five years ago, as I said above. Why? Nothing against Paul Bostaph who’s currently in his second run with the band, but the band’s treatment and dismissal of Dave Lombardo – especially by Kerry King – was just fucking disgrace by all accounts. A few months later, guitarist Jeff Hanneman died of alcohol related cirrhosis of the liver. While they had already been touring with Exodus guitarist Gary Holt for a few years while Jeff was recovering from a near fatal spider bite, they should’ve stopped everything right there.

I’ve spoken about this in an article ripping Kerry for calling Jeff “worm food” back in 2015. Yeah, Kerry is a great rhythm player, he’s a really good guitarist, probably more technically sound than Jeff. But Jeff was the better songwriter, having written “Angel Of Death”, “Necrophiliac”. “Spill The Blood”, “Postmortem” and the perennial set closer, “Raining Blood”. Being that he was the one guy in the band that was more influenced by Punk than the others, his songwriting and playing style were far more reckless and chaotic than anything Kerry wrote. Same goes for his lead style, just pure balls to the wall ripping. It was never pretty and that’s why it was amazing. Here’s an example, go to the 1:42 mark for Jeff’s solo. By the way the music here is all his too.

I can spend this entire article kissing Jeff’s ass but here’s my point: like it or not Jeff was a KEY member of the band. With him gone, Slayer was officially nothing more than a tribute band. You know, that band that just goes out there for the money and play those signature songs they didn’t even write. Because every time they play “Angel Of Death”, their SIGNATURE song, it just does not look right seeing Gary on the left side of the stage – and by the way this is not to disrespect Gary.

But it’s like David Vincent and Tim Yeung going out on tour as I Am Morbid (I seriously cannot stop laughing at that name!). Yeah, David wrote almost all the lyrics to those classic Morbid Angel songs; but without Trey killing it on guitar it just sounds like a money grab before the tour even starts. From a non metal perspective it’s the equivalent of Aerosmith touring and recording without Joe Perry or Brad Whitford – BOTH of the band’s guitarists! – for five years. Who really gives a shit about Rock And A Hard Place? Certainly not I!

While it’s clear to me that both Kerry and Tom Araya are the two business partners of the band, Kerry most likely is the one that pushed and pushed to keep going. He’s much more shrewd of a business man. But there’s one problem. His songwriting style has changing DRASTICALLY since the earlier days, as he’s almost embraced shitty trends such as Nu Metal and it showed a little too much on 2001’s God Hates Us All. Wanna know why I’ll never give Repentless, a complete listen through? Because who in their RIGHT MIND wants to hear an entire Slayer record written by him? And if you say you do you’re just a fan boy and should go die – fucking slowly.

Tom, on the other hand, made it clear several times over the years that at his age he’s become homesick. He’s tired, and I think he’s kind of lonely without Jeff. Starting in the late eighties/early nineties, Tom and Jeff began a songwriting partnership that produced some of Slayer’s best tracks, including “War Ensemble”, “Season In The Abyss” and my favorite latter era track, “Eyes Of The Insane”. Jeff wrote the music but Tom wrote the lyrics. Here’s a statement Tom made to Loudwire in 2016:

“At 35 years, it’s time to collect my pension. [Laughs] This is a career move. I’m grateful that we’ve been around for 35 years; that’s a really long time. So, yeah, to me, it is. Because when we started off, everything was great, because you’re young and invincible. And then there came a time where I became a family man, and I had a tough time flying back and forth. And now, at this stage, at the level we’re at now, I can do that; I can fly home when I want to, on days off, and spend some time with my family, which is something I wasn’t able to do when [my kids] were growing up. Now they’re both older and mature. So now I take advantage of that.” Araya added: “Yeah, it just gets harder and harder to come back out on the road. 35 years is a long time.”

So I’m wondering if either certain business/contractual matters were finally resolved or Tom finally let Kerry know that he had enough. I personally think that at 56 years old he’s burnt out. It probably take it’s physical toll to scream like that every night at his age. Or just maybe he has enough common sense to understand that things can NEVER be the same with Jeff gone. Either way, the band has finally made the right call because at this point they’re more than beating a dead horse. I almost want to see this farewell tour. The lineup is fucking sick, and I can almost guarantee Anthrax is on there because they’ll probably have both bands on stage together at the end of every show to play a few songs together and it’ll be one big party as 2/4 of the Big Four. Hell, even Dave Mustaine said he’d like to put together one last Big Four show as his way of sending them off. Sounds actually really cool, considering the interband relationship between his own band and Kerry (Kerry was in Megadeth for five seconds before he got sick of Dave’s dictator-like approach). But will they agree to it? However, as I’ve hashtagged on Instagram posts for a while now, #nojeffnoslayer.

No Jeff, no Slayer. He’s not there and I’m not interested. Kerry and Tom, congratulations. You’ve had an amazing career, creating a legacy that’s UNDENIABLE. But please, after this is all over, make sure it stays that way. Don’t be like that pro wrestler that retires then almost as quickly comes back because they can’t stand to be away – or need the money. Here’s one of THE most fucked up songs the band ever released, written by Jeff:

Giving The Devil His Good Name Back – The Metal Mike Show, September 9th 2004

Posted on August 29, 2016January 10, 2023 by Mike

In my very first post here I briefly mentioned that I used to DJ for my college radio station. Hell, that show, without question is the precursor to this blog because it gradually became my first platform to just talk shit AND not get in trouble for it. But that’s a story for another time because how I got this fucking show so easily requires a bit of a back story anyway. Oh, by the way, I won’t be mentioning which station it is because I don’t feel like giving anyone any undeserved attention.

So, I decided to give my station a shot in April, 2004, thinking I wanted to be a DJ. I liked the idea of being able to play music and not be seen. To this day it’s amazing how UGLY some of the top DJ’s in the country really are. But since they sound great who the fuck cares? I went through two meetings, one with the personnel director and the second with the station’s chief engineer…part super genius…part angry, bitter, and an all around asshole. If Gregory House was a real person he’d be this guy! What made me laugh inside was in despite only being in his mid-30’s, the combination of his skullet and his awful 70’s looking moustache made this fucker look like an ex-member of the Doobie Brothers.

If I’m not mistaken I took the test a good week later and passed with just two wrong answers. I originally chose to join the Music Department because that meant I could review records for play as well as maybe even dictate what got played at all, the first CD I ever reviewed being Black Label Society’s low key masterpiece, Hangover Music, Vol.6, which I was also able to burn and leave at the station while I took the original copy home. But long story short the director at the time let no one do anything with her, frustrating me, so I joined the Engineering Department. I had wanted to join Production but, at the time, it was mandated that you couldn’t do shit in production unless you knew how to run the board properly.

Some time goes by, the middle of summer arrives, and I was approached by the newly appointed engineering director about being his assistant. Why? Neither he or anyone else wanted the only other person around to be involved because that’s how lowly they all thought of him. We’re talking a really nice guy too. And there you have it, proof that even college radio isn’t clean of slimy politics! So, from then on until I left for good in early 2007 I was the Assistant Engineering Director of my station. But of course there was something else I wanted, and part of the process I didn’t even have to go through.

While I had applied for a show to start in the fall semester, I didn’t have to make an audition tape, and all because I was an engineer. In other words, I already knew how to operate the board. Before I was told that was even getting my first show I was approached by another DJ from the Production Department about covering him because he wasn’t able to get out of work. It was easy enough, his show had a specific format which he wrote down for me – all I had to do was follow the bullet points. So there I was, fresh from sitting in with the two BEST DJs in the whole station at that time – both actually being alumni volunteers at that point – and DJing my first show.

It was a little nerve wracking, I was already engineering and cohosting someone else’s public service show on Mondays for a month at this point, but this was the first time I was on my own. After reading off the most important bullet point of this guy’s show he surprised me by calling me up. I didn’t think he was listening but here this guy was telling me that I “rock”, and even complimenting my voice. And after I finished up, that angry chief engineer – who can still go suck a dick and die – even told me he liked my voice.

Thursday, September 9th, 2004. This day would see the launch of the Metal Mike Show at 4pm. My then guitarist, Chad, jokingly suggested I call myself Metal Mike. A manager of mine at work suggested Iron Mike, but some at the station just didn’t like it. For a few weeks prior to this I had hand drawn ads and plastered them all over the walls of every single building on campus, as well as on the walls of music stores where I lived and even in places in Manhattan, especially the now defunct Manny’s Music on w 47th St. The guy whose show I covered for read the script for my station promo and immediately asked if he could read it on mic. It was hysterical hearing him read “It’s time to give the devil his good name back…Hell never sounded so good!”, with as much bass as he could get out of his voice.

With two hours to go I began writing down my playlist for the next three hours, trying to find a balance between the music I wanted to play and the music I’d be required to play. There were two other metal DJ’s who happily pigeonholed themselves to two extremes, one to Black Metal so underground the bands themselves don’t even know if their demo tape is even circulating, and another guy that loved to cater to his drunk following in England, playing nothing but Swedish Melodic Metal and Power Metal. Power Metal…GAY. I wanted to be the balance between those two guys, being a fan of almost all types of Metal…expect Power Metal or anything related to it. I’d like to think I did a good job with that over the next two plus years.

Ten minutes to go. I walked in to the On-Air room where another DJ was getting ready to wrap things up, this was on of the two people I sat in with. Now this woman had an incredible radio voice. She’ll be oh so shy talking to you but when she’s on air she gets so sensual to the point that you’d think it was a different person. Looking on the instant messenger on the computer screen I already had to messages. One was from my dad, who had tuned in on his office computer to hear me, the other being some jackass in the station busting my balls “I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY ACTUALLY GAVE YOU A SHOW!” I think I know who it was. She left, I played a few PSA’s to get settled in, my show’s promo, followed by my favorite station ID track…and off we go!

I had Ozzy open up my show with “Miracle Man” off his classic 1988 album, No Rest For The Wicked. This was Zakk Wylde’s recording debut with him and I was such a Zakk fanboy at the time. Also, that opening riff is just huge! Nerves hitting me so hard, I couldn’t help but practically scream right into the mic once the song ended. I knew I needed to calm down but I was so nervous I just couldn’t stop myself! After screaming out the station’s phone number for requests I immediately but on Death’s “Bite The Pain”, a request for one of those two metal DJ’s I mentioned before. I tried to do everything I could to calm myself down. It took awhile but as time went on I got a bit more comfortable…until someone came to check on me.

It was 6pm, two hours down, one to go. Someone asked me how I was doing and as soon as I said ok it went downhill. I put on Black Sabbath’s “Fairies Wear Boots”, only for it to start skipping. So I quickly put “Sabbath Bloody Sabbath” on the second CD player…and THAT started skipping. So I pulled out Metallica’s …And Justice For All CD, put on “To Live Is To Die”…and THAT began skipping. FUCK! I had no choice but I go back on air and try to save myself. Luckily for me, the rest of the show went off without a hitch before the next DJ came to relieve me. All in all I had fun; I clearly had a lot of work to do as far as calming my nerves so I don’t scream into the mic, but this was the beginning of a time that would consume the next two years of my life.

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Possibly the best Ozzfest lineup ever? Ozzfest live at the Tweeter Center August 26th 2004

Posted on June 30, 2016May 29, 2017 by Mike

So just over a year since my last concert I was invited by my then-bandmates, Chad and Idrees, to go with them to see Ozzfest at the Tweeter Center in Camden, NJ on August 26th, 2004. And if you looked at the main stage line up for this tour alone it’s easy to see why. Dimmu Borgir (fake, pretentious, symphonic black metal), Superjoint Ritual (Phil Anselmo acting even dumber than the last time I saw him), Black Label Society, Slayer, Judas Priest, Black Sabbath. Yeah, Judas Priest was THE big deal at the time, with the band announcing the return of Rob Halford on vocals just ten months earlier and following the release of the band’s box set. The three of us definitely had our musical differences – making me wonder how I didn’t quit them earlier – with me liking a little bit of everything yet leaning towards heavier stuff more and more, Idrees listening to Thrash and ONLY Thrash, and Chad being the Power Metal guy who was practically jerking off every night to all things Iron Maiden and Steve Vai; but who the fuck doesn’t even remotely like Judas Preist?? I’m waiting….

The morning of the show they were supposed to come to my house with Idrees’s dad driving to pick me up. They were very late and whenever I called either of their cellphones no one picked up and it really irritated me. When they finally did show up I do remember letting them both have it, although I don’t remember their lame excuse. Idrees’s dad reminds me of a cross between Nile Rodgers and Isaac Hayes, Niles in the voice department and Isaac in looks, it was pretty funny just hearing him talk. We arrived in Camden around 1pm due to shitty traffic once we got off the NJ Turnpike; ever been to Camden before? No? Ok, ever hear Chris Rock talk about why you should never anywhere that has a Martin Luther King Blvd? Well, we were on it and we saw why. Here’s an example of what we drove through to get to this place:

Isn’t this just sexy? I’d totally live here!

After maybe twenty minutes of my suddenly wishing we took Chris Rock’s advice and ran we finally got to the Tweeter Center, the huge outdoor arena placed in the location of the Armageddon we all apparently missed and right across the water from Philadelphia. Idress’s really cool dad was going to spend his day at the New Jersey State Aquarium not to far down the road from us and right by the ferry that was bringing in drunken Philly trash for Ozzfest. But I’ll get back to that later!

The three of us walked in to the horrible sounds of Otep on the second stage, having just missed God Forbid, who I really wanted to see. They sadly broke up in 2013 but if you’ve never heard of them check out their 2004 album Gone Forever. So we walked around for a bit, bought beads to throw at girls to have them show us their titties, etc. We went back to the second stage because I wanted to see Lamb Of God. They were literally five days away from release of their major label debut on Epic Records, Ashes Of The Wake, following the success of their last album, As The Palaces Burn, and it looked like they totally did a major gear upgrade with there being to big walls of speaker cabinets like only Slayer would do.

Chad and Idrees left me there because they weren’t fans of the band. I think it was literally just too modern for either of them. Lesson #1: if you’re only 19 years old – like these two knuckleheads were (I was a year older) – nothing is too modern for you. Life’s too short to be THAT pretentious over music. I may have just turned 32 but I still have an open mind! Lamb Of God were absolutely awesome, playing a good chunk of their material from the last record as well as the first single off the new album, called “Laid To Rest”. What I didn’t understand was Randy Blythe’s need to curse literally every other word – that’s not an exaggeration – as well as constantly saying he was in “Killadelphia” when we were actually across the water. Dumbass.

My two dopey friends came back just in time to rescue me from Shitknot (I was a fan of them for a few years but 2004 was the year they broke my heart Godfather Part 2 style) and Hatebreed. In fact, after LOG there were no others bands I wanted to see on the second stage at all! So we had lots of time to kill. While there I bought a BLS shirt that I still have today and the classic Slayer eagle shirt, which mysteriously disappeared on me a few years back. I’m still pissed about that one, by the way. While walking we came across a lot of that drunken Philly trash I mentioned before. I’m talking a bunch of ridiculously sunburnt dudes in Eagles jerseys (the football season had just started) yelling out in unison “E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!!!!”….over….and over….and over again. We also found a good spot at the guard rail on the lawn, where we could throw beads at bitches AND have a pretty good few of all the bands.

After while it was finally time for the main stage acts to go on. First? Black Label Society. This was to be my first of seven times seeing them, in fact I can’t make fun of Chad’s fixation on Maiden without stressing that between 2002 and 2008 I wanted to play like Zakk Wylde so bad. I had other influences, of course, but at that time Zakk was the ONLY one who was that popular while playing that kind of music. Dimebag Darrell and Vinnie Paul had already risen from the ashes of Pantera, but their current band, Damageplan, was not getting over on the old fans easily.

Right out the gate he was ripping it up on a custom made Jackson Randy Rhoads guitar. He’s shredded for maybe two minutes before breaking into “Funeral Bell”. Idrees and I loved it. Chad? “Zakk Wylde’s not that great”, he said with this arrogant smirk on his face. Chances are he was already jaded from listening to technical shred nerds who never left their mother’s basement. Lesson #2: It really doesn’t matter how much better one guitar player is than the next. Zakk himself will even acknowledge that there are players that will bury him. But what’s more important than having all the technique there is to have is being able to have your playing reach out to more than one niche crowd. That’s why Zakk passed the audition to play with Ozzy in the first place. Even Ozzy knew Zakk had already developed a sound that would one day make him recognizable!

Superjoint Ritual were next. Where Phil Anselmo pretty much told us last year in Brooklyn where he stood in music (as in not with Pantera) he pretty much took that and acted like a dumbass this time around. First off, their latest album, A Lethal Does Of American Hatred, sucked balls in plain English. Also, it’s one thing to command your audience to mosh; but when you tell them that they’re pussies if they don’t you’re just a jackass. The band were still great…so long as the played the music off the first album…but it was weird when Phil ended the band’s set by saying “keep sucking dick!” on the mic before doing his classic shitty rendition of the last words to “Stairway To Heaven” that he’d been doing since the Pantera days. Drugs are bad, m’kay?

Dimmu Borgir were TRASH. Bad enough I already don’t like Symphonic Black Metal but Dimmu were and are just awful. Next? Slayer. How funny that, as Idrees left us to mosh in the makeshift pit area right behind us, Chad and I both realized that the guardrail was pretty wobbly – yeah, we were fucked and we knew it. Because as soon as Slayer got on stage all Hell broke loose and we were almost instantly pinned to the guardrail. That shit hurts! Of course, once they kicked into “Raining Blood”, the pit had become it’s most violent. But who really fucking cares? This is Slayer – and with the classic lineup back together! Whenever I was able to get a glimpse of the band without getting pummeled I look straight at Jeff Hanneman. He tore that guitar up better than Kerry King that night….and all the time.

After surviving the moshpit from hell we made sure Idrees came to us so we wouldn’t lose our spots before Priest came on. At this point on it was more like an arena style concert, because who moshes to Priest or Sabbath anyway? This was the one band to have a really elaborate stage setup. Here, look for yourself:

I was able to notice on my own that Halford was relying HEAVILY on a teleprompter because he’d go to one place on stage and just stay there for two of three songs before going somewhere else. Didn’t matter though because he was on fire, proving why he’s the Metal God. When they played “Breaking The Law” I called up my college radio station’s programming director to bust his balls and left him a voicemail of the band playing the chorus line. Why was I busting chops? Well…let’s just say he did just that over a month earlier.

Up last? Sabbath. But of course there was a catch. Before the band were to go on stage Bill Ward came out to announce to everyone that Ozzy was sick and could not play. BUT, apparently Rob Fucking Halford volunteered to sing so the band wouldn’t have to cancel their performance. There’s a bootleg floating around of Halford doing the favor for them back in 1992 but I was actually going to hear it?? Needless to say I wasn’t bummed out much longer after hearing that!

Being that someone else was singing, regardless of the fact that it’s a guy that’s STILL amazing at his age, they kept the setlist floating around the just the first three albums. I’d bet that was just to make it easier on Rob, who surely didn’t have enough time to practice. But it still was pretty awesome to hear.

Idrees’s dad was waiting for us right outside the arena, having stolen banana daiquiri mix from some vendor stand during what I think he said was some kind of police situation…or something. The show was awesome as a whole. If I only knew then that I’d NEVER see the classic Sabbath lineup. But was this THE best Ozzfest lineup ever? I think the following year’s beat it; but I’ll get to that in the future.

Quick Reminder

Confessions Of An Angry Metalhead is now on Facebook! So click on this link here

Confessions Of An Angry Metalhead

and be sure to like my page because it’s the only way I’ll be able to get my own URL for it. You’ll also get more status updates and news briefings based on things I normally discuss on here, as well as quicker notifications on new blog postings.

Discovering True Anger In Metal; My First Powerlifting Meet

Posted on January 17, 2016 by Mike

Discovering True Anger In Metal

I bought my first Megadeth CD, Cryptic Writings, in 1998 when I was fourteen, almost a year after it was originally released. I tried so hard to like it, I really did. Fuck, I was anticipating a lot more from the guy who fired from Metallica AND named his band MEGADETH. Come on! But I couldn’t. It was way too fucking tame, even songs like “She-Wolf”, “The Disintegrators”, and even “FFF” were watered down compared to what I was expecting. So I wrote ’em off like I did Metallica…especially after Risk! That’ll just put you to fucking sleep! At that time THE bands everybody my age listened to were the bands of the day like most kids do anyway, the bands in this case being Marilyn Manson (when he actually had balls), Korn (this was months before they became dead to me), OLD Metallica, Shit-vana (because it was some unspoken requirement to put that dead, talentless sack of shit on a pedestal), maybe one or two more that I can’t remember right now.

But over time I eventually discovered FAR BETTER songs from Megadeth thanks to WSOU like “Peace Sells…But Who’s Buying?” and “Sweating Bullets”. Amazing. It was near the end of my junior year in high school in 2001 when VH1 premiered their Behind The Music on the band. Upon watching it my interest in the band was renewed before I even got to the fucking ten minute mark. The intensity of everything from the way Mustaine alone grew up to the music being more badass than any riff Hetfield EVER came up with for Metallica to their beyond fucked up life style. Then came the news that their next album, The World Needs A Hero, was to be heavier and a lot less radio friendly than the last two piles of shit. And it was. So over time I found myself buying most of the classics from their glory days.

Then near the end of 2001 I heard the news that Mustaine had remixed and remastered the band’s 1985 debut album, Killing Is My Business…And Business Is Good!, including a forward written by Scott Ian (because he’s only THE biggest metal fan on earth), as well as brand new artwork. Remember this?

So badass. Not! So, the weekend it was released I went over to Sam Goody (remember that place?) and bought it. After a funny ride home from a cab driver telling me about all the girls he’s fucked I wasted no time and popped that shit right in my radio. The piano intro to “Last Rites/Loved To Deth” was crystal clear thanks to this new mix. I loved how it seemed to tell a story before the main riff kicked in. Holy shit this is intense! Listen to those double bass drums!! The morbidity of the song as he says “If I can’t have you then no one will!”. That crazy, frenzied solo – is he using his Bill Lawrence pickups as frets to hit higher notes??? Someone call 911 – he just RAPED his B.C. Rich Bich…and it was good!

So this set the tone! The entire album from here on in was pure balls to the wall, heavy as FUCK, ridiculously technical, jazzy time changes thanks to Chris Poland, whose solos run circles around most metal guitarists. Kirk who?! This was pure drug-feuled ANGER!! Dave Mustaine was fired from what was to be THE biggest band in the world and he desperately had something to prove. He was out for BLOOD. The peak of the album? “Looking Down The Cross”. This song completely summarizes the album as a whole. It’s well arranged, twists and turns at the right spots, Mustaine’s shockingly intelligent lyrics, the second of his two solos on the song is so panic stricken that it perfectly painted the mood of the entire song! The final track was “Mechanix”. For those of you who are new to this shit or live under a rock this is basically “The Four Horsemen” with a faster tempo, no slow interlude, and alternate lyrics about a horny gas attendant. Mustaine wrote the song before he joined Metallica and gave it to them along with “Jump In The Fire”, but when they fired him James and Lar$ changed the lyrics and added the two slower parts and made it the song you know on Kill ‘Em All. It was fun hearing this version of it, way more straight forward, way more badass.

I don’t know if I should thank Dave Mustaine’s thirst for revenge, drummer Gar Samuelson for introducing Mustaine and bassist David Ellefson to speedballs or both. But I’ll tell you what…Killing Is My Business… was absolutely BRUTAL in the year predating Slayer’s Reign In Blood. And with Mustaine’s amazing remix technique the newfound clarity amplifies that brutality times ten. THIS was what I needed so bad in a time when everyone around me was listening to THE lamest, shittiest music you could find on radio in early 2002. I was truly alone in this aspect but I didn’t care. When my friends were listening to either Mudvayne or shitty emo bands like Weezer I was deafening my ears with Killing… for a long time.

My First Powerlifting Meet

So after lots of thinking I finally decided to sign up for my first ever powerlifting meet, figuring that if I don’t do it now I might not ever. So as of earlier this afternoon I will be competing in Revolution Powerlifting Syndicate’s Jersey Rumble at the Ramada Inn in Newark, NJ on Saturday, May 21st. I’ll be part of the Amateur Open in the 198lb weight class in the Raw Modern Division. The Open begins between 2:30 – 3:00 but I have to be there at noon to be given the rules, warm up, etc. I’m going to see how I like it, regardless of how I do – which won’t be great. If I like it I’ll do it again. I imagine that if so I’d do one more meet later in the year, either in New Jersey again or somewhere in New York, most likely upstate somewhere. If things go well maybe I’ll join USAPL, which is an affiliate of the International Powerlifting Federation. If you’re reading this and plan on going to this feel free to drop me a line.

Random Thoughts

Posted on January 11, 2016March 8, 2016 by Mike

See this guy? This guy is the man. Fuck that – he’s my hero. If you don’t know who he is Jim Wendler is the COO of Elite FTS, making him CEO Dave Tate’s right hand man. But what makes in more important than even that is his awesome training program he developed for all kinds of lifters from bodybuilders to athletes to powerlifters, 5/3/1.

On paper it seems as annoying to decode as any other powerlifting program with calculating percentages, etc. But what makes this program so unique, at least to me, is that Jim takes the guess work right out of everything. It’s real simple; in one 4-week cycle you will perform three sets of your main lift for 3 working sets of 5 reps during the first week, 3 sets of 3 reps the next week, and then for the last week you will perform 3 working sets of 5 reps, then 3 reps and then 1 rep or more if you can. After your main lift, you will perform two or three assistance lifts, followed by light or hard conditioning (he likes to push prowlers and run up hills a lot) depending on the day. After all that you will enjoy a deload week as your fourth week as a way to recover while still staying active before going back into the heavy stuff.

I like this a lot because in short the name of the game of long term gains. This isn’t some eight week program you read about in mainstream bodybuilding magazines. This is about making new gains and breaking new PR’s every cycle, regardless of what that PR is. If during a cycle you bench 155lbs for 5 reps during the third week and then in the next cycle your benching those same numbers for 8 reps, it’s still a PR. You’re still getting stronger.

I’m pretty sure this program has been real good to me since I began using it back in October because as of today I finally Deadlifted 305lbs for the first time. I’d like to thank Motorhead’s badass track “The Hammer” for giving me the energy to do this! I probably should’ve gotten there two cycles ago but instead of increasing the weights every cycle by ten pounds I increased them by five. Oops. I’m beyond grateful that my gym in Clifton, New York Sports Club, actually has a deadlift platform with bumper plates because I refuse to deadlift with those shitty octagonal plates EVER again. In fact, I hope who ever created those plates gets shot in the fucking throat repeatedly because they make TRUE strength training such a hindrance.

Week 3: Day 2 – Deadlift Day!

Deadlift

125lbs – 1 x 5

155lbs – 1 x 5

185lbs – 1 x 5

245lbs – 1 x 5

275lbs – 1 x 3

305lbs – 1 x3

Hyperextensions

35lbs – 3 x 12, 12 10

Ab Core machine

20lbs – 3 x 20, 20, 20

I wanted to use the ab crunch machine and do three sets with 105lbs but some middle aged bitch was occupying it, taking her sweet ass time. You know the ones, they sit on the machine for 10 minutes, while socializing, and they even stop DURING THEIR SETS to yap some more. Why are they even in the gym? Shouldn’t they be in the beauty parlor with their other middle aged friends gossiping about some worthless piece of shit reality show they probably rush home for every day because they have NOTHING ELSE to live for??

Oh! Speaking of Motorhead…

My girlfriend told me two days ago that Dingbatz was going to host the streaming of Lemmy’s memorial service in L.A. using Motorhead’s YouTube page, so of course we went. It’s awesome knowing I’m literally a driving distance of ten minutes from the place. There weren’t as many people there to watch it as we figured there would be, which was fine by me because we actually got seats at the bar giving us a great view of the brand new flat screens that the management just had installed, with the much older “tubes” now sitting outside of the bar.

It was held at a chapel, there was no way in fuck that this would be held at a church. Nope nope! Next to a podium was a table with a few souvenirs, if you will; Lemmy’s pirate hat which covered his urn – I had no idea he was cremated! – something from the WWE with their logo on it, always tacky guys, you never learn, do you? His cowboy boots were on it along with some speed…a parting gift from Motorhead guitarist Phil Campbell, who surprised all of us by NOT being there. I repeat: PHIL CAMPBELL was NOT at his own bandmate’s FUNERAL. Surrounding both sides of the chapel? Lemmy’s Marshall “MURDER ONE” Full Stacks. FUCK. YES.

Not many people there in suits, maybe one or two people. But the difference between those two people was all too clear: one guy probably wore a suit out of respect, like I would, and Triple H wore a suit because he has a corporate image to uphold. Yeah, I said it. There were a lot of people there to speak about Lemmy as well as one or two people I know I sure didn’t expect. Did any of you truly expect GENE SIMMONS to be there? Since when the fuck does GENE FUCKING SIMMONS care about anyone BUT himself?? Geezer Butler was also there, which was cool of him. Of course Ozzy and $haron were there, I mean $haron only screwed him out of potentially MILLIONS in royalties for writing classic songs on both No More Tears and Ozzmosis by giving him flat rates. Cunt.

Among the speakers were various people, from random friends from Germany, to Lemmy’s somn Paul, to the band’s management and road crew (You know what song came to my mind every time!), to celebrities we all know. Just like that the theme of this service was all too clear: friendship. As much of a modern day pirate as he was, Lemmy was everybody’s friend and those people who were invited to speak were obviously those he made the most impact on from a personal level. A surprisingly emotional Mike Inez of Alice In Chains spoke, as well as Slash, who spoke about the time he spent with Lemmy in the hospital after he was fitted with a pacemaker, being by his side everyday until he was released. I had no idea. I’ll never be a fan of Slash’s guitar playing and I LOATHE Guns N Roses but he always comes of like that guy you can hang out with for hours.

Triple H (most boring wrestler EVER) told some funny stories about Lemmy. Remember, before he became a corporate sellout he was a metalhead who would often do interview segments in a battle jacket with either one of his own shirts or the Motorhead England shirt. In that regard he was for real. He had the honor of having Motorhead play him to the ring for two Wrestlemanias. Luckily for me he lost both times. He mentioned that when that happened Lemmy said to him: “You can’t win a match to save your life, can you? That’s why you’re good for us!” But after talking of Lemmy the ballbuster he spoke of Lemmy the gentleman.

He and his wife went to see Motorhead backstage at a festival show. He went backstage and he found Lemmy with two towels on, topless girls and coke on the table. He was about to come in until Lemmy noticed Stephanie. “Whoop! Close the door!”, he yelled as Trips waited outside. When Lemmy reopened the door he was now dressed, the girls were dressed and the coke was gone, which Trips could only assume Lemmy snorted all of – and all because Stephanie was there. Sure sounds like a gentleman to me, even though not too long ago Steph actually had double implants.

All of us in the bar were VERY surprised when Rob Halford came up to speak. I had no idea he’d be there but it shouldn’t be too much of a shocker. Like Lemmy, this world is Rob’s life and even after all the decades he’s been doing this he’s still a fan. He told everyone: “When I was in the presence of Lord Lemmy, I was a bit overwhelmed …” Yeah? Well, so were the rest of us bud. Points for calling him “Lord Lemmy”, by the way. After Rob left Lemmy’s girlfriend came up. She was clearly drunk, slurring her words the entire time. No denying she’s in a major panic right now, trying to figure out what to do next.

Lars Ulrich and Robert Trujillo of Metallica came up and that’s when I got interested. Upon walking up to the podium, Lars looked…different. I don’t mean the homeless guy beard he had but his vibe was different. He was clearly shaken up there…even vulnerable. Metallica are dead to me after …And Justice For All, but there would be no Metallica without Motorhead and Lars made it painfully obvious in every interview he’s ever done. You knew it when he spoke of opening for Motorhead in 1982, the year before Metallica were even signed to Megaforce Records, and Lemmy recognized him from their meeting in Denmark not too long before that. The theme of his speech was that Lemmy always treated him as an equal. I’m sure Lars could’ve said much more…if he wasn’t still shaken. It must’ve finally hit him that his idol is gone. That has to really suck for Lars, knowing that the reason he is the drummer for biggest band in the world is no longer here.

Dave Grohl was the last person to speak, which is what everyone was waiting for. You know his general history: drummer for extremely overrated grunge band turned frontman/guitarist for middle of the road rock band. But those who REALLY know ANYTHING about the guy know too well that he’s nearly as big a Motorhead fan as even Lars! He occupation as guitarist for his middle of the road rock band basically finances his love of all things hardcore, crust and metal. If you know ANYTHING about Dave Grohl you heard his metal side project Probot, which featured several different metal vocalist, including Lemmy, with whom he recorded the only good track on that CD, “Shake Your Blood:, in which Lemmy also played bass.

Over the years Dave and Lemmy truly developed a bond with a each other. The two of them got together many times and were clearly the best of friends for years. Watching him up there you can tell he was truly humbled to be friend with the guy. What sucked was when the mic got cut off and we couldn’t hear shit for about ten minutes, and went right back on before he finished. He mentioned their love of Little Richard, which plays and important part here. Right before Lemmy died Dave got Little Richard to autograph a bible pamphlet for him to give to Lemmy, but Lemmy died right before he could give it to him. So right before he let the podium Dave recited a few lines from Little Richard’s song “Precious Lord Take My Hand”, before raising a toast to Lemmy.

After it was done Lemmy’s tech plugged in his Rickenbacker signature “Rickenbastard” bass, leaned it against his full stack and let that shit feed back forever. THAT is how you hold a memorial service. Let’s celebrate the guys life – I think he’d make fun of all of us for mourning him, I know he wouldn’t want us to, although the woman sitting across from us was in tears the entire time. The world is still a shittier place without you though pal.

Anaka live at Gramercy Theater; New Angel Vivaldi Premiere

Posted on June 17, 2015June 19, 2015 by Mike

Anaka Live at Gramercy Theater

I recently got tickets for Anaka’s next show, a headliner at Gramercy Theater in Manhattan on the heels of their latest album, The Unwavering, that’s happening next Saturday, June 26th with support from Brand of Julez and Tempest City. If you don’t know who they are they are an aggresive as FUCK metal band from Brooklyn. I started talking with Jimmy Pallis, the band’s singer on facebook about four years ago; when the conversation went into Megadeth and how they essentially lost their balls after Youthanasia (some of you would say otherwise) I knew this guy was the real deal!

So we exchanged numbers and as it turns out this and his guitar player brother, Peter Pallis, are so into connecting with their fans that they will have no problem driving to you to sell you tickets. This was the case last week when I bought my tickets for this upcoming show. Not a lot of bands do that. It was a funny few minutes. They’ve been on the scene a long ass time and when i told them about my blog post regarding my first metal concert and brought up a few old names the jokes just started flying. Fuck…Jimmy…Peter…we’re old.

If you want a good time and are in the area next Saturday I’d definitely recommend seeing them. A great live show with a very loyal following. Quick story for you; I finally saw Anaka for the first time at a free show they played at a bar called Killarney’s on 95th St in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn to promote their latest acoustic EP, Into The Great Unknown – The Acoustic Sessions back in February 2012. I took my then-girlfriend, Nicole, with me along with my then-bassist, Joe, and his friend Shake (yeah, I know, a dopey nickname. But he’s awesome). Now…when you see a band play a bar this tiny the last thing you’re going to expect is for a mosh pit to break out, right? Well…no sooner did they hit one note did the whole bar break out into a pit. I was siting right where the band was and I found myself pinned to the bar by my left leg! I struggled to get out and I think it was Joe who finally pulled me out to safety. But man, driving home from the show that night my left quad was in exquisite pain and it stayed that way for the next two weeks – that’s more of a souvenir of a good time than the t-shirt I bought from Jimmy that night!

New Angel Vivaldi Premiere

What a fuckin’ week it’s been for Angel Vivaldi! The youtube sensation only released the video for his new single “._ _ _ _” just a few days ago via Guitar World and it already has over 20,000 views and more than 24,000 views on Ibanez Guitars’ facebook page. I actually posted a video of him performing this song at Dingbatz a few blog posts ago so this the song proper. Here’s the video now:

He recently made the ballsy decision to quit his fulltime job to go on tour based on all his success so if and when he comes to your town you should go show your support. You won’t regret it.

Final Thoughts…

Anyone here read what Kerry King said about Jeff Hanneman yet? Apparently Kerry was asked if he feels like Jeff’s spirit is guiding the band. Kerry’s reply? “Jeff is worm food. When you die, you go in the dirt. There is no doubt. Doubt’s called agnostic. I’m not agnostic.” Well Kerry is there’s on thing you ARE it’s a real piece of SHIT. “Worm food”? It’s one thing to say that you don’t feel like his spirit is guiding the band. That’s fine. But calling the guy that wrote Slayer’s greatest music “worm food” is as disrespectful and as slimy as it gets man. There are a Lot of people I can’t wait to call worm food but if I was in your position and my co-guitarist who contributed so much was gone I wouldn’t say that shit about him. Scumbag!

“Jeff Would Want This!”

Posted on April 30, 2015May 22, 2015 by Mike

…really guys? Because I don’t! There’s a lot I can say about the latest Metal Hammer. I can talk about Kerry and Tom’s take on the Dave Lombardo situation, the fact that this really isn’t the first time Paul Bostaph was in the band, the fact that Gary Holt is pretty much a Slayer member at this point.

But all I really care about is that stupid quote on the cover of the mag. Why? Because I don’t know about you but I’m not looking forward to a whole album written by Kerry King, no fucking way. And I know I’m not the only one either!

Jeff Hanneman, Slayer’s fallen guitarist – I still miss him so much! – was the guy that kept Slayer raw as FUCK. You knew damn well when a song was written by him because it was usually so fucked up. HIs shit was real; it came from inside because, unlike Kerry, he wasn’t listening to bullshit nu-metal or trying to fit in with what might’ve been popular, especially in the early 2000’s. He also came from a family of war veterans which meant A. He knew exactly what he was writing about at all times and B. He was able to write about more than just blood and death.

Jeff’s punk rock background also gave him that ability to write music without limitations. His solos are way more off the cuff than Kerry’s ever were. I’ve yet to hear another guitarist solo off key and make it fit the song perfectly – but Jeff could do it. Oh, and back to the brutality thing, Jeff has a major one-up on Kerry – he wrote “Angel of Death”, one of the most brutal and fucked up songs off all time. Kerry could never get the band in as much trouble as Jeff did with THAT song but hey, there’s no such thing as bad publicity when you’re in Slayer. Jeff also wrote some of Slayer’s most memorable songs: “War Ensemble”, “Dead Skin Mask”, “South of Heaven””Postmortem”, “Raining Blood” – the starter for every pit….ever.

I mean no disrespect to Gary Holt but Slayer should just call it a day. They’ve accomplished more than they could’ve ever dreamed of as band with songs like “Necrophiliac”, but Kerry writing the whole thing already makes the upcoming album sound so one dimensional to me. Gary obviously had no input in this – and he shouldn’t. When Jeff died the band lost it’s raw edge, that let it loose spirit. Some of you might say that about Dave Lombardo being out again but this article isn’t about him because he left the band once before and he’s still breathing. Even my friend Idrees, the biggest Slayer fanboy you’ll EVER know finally saw the light, telling me this past December that even HE made peace with the fact the Slayer are done. Oh, and you’ll read more about that guy soon.

Anyway, I don’t know about you but as far as I’m concerned, I feel like Tom Araya and especially Kerry are just keeping the band alive for no other reason but to keep cash flowing. I don’t know why Kerry doesn’t try the side project he said he always wanted to do with Zakk Wylde. Kerry, you guys are toast, just let it go. Here’s how I’ll always remember Slayer…with a Jeff song:

RIP Jeff Hanneman 1964 – 2013

Henry & Glenn Forever + Ever

Posted on March 25, 2015March 27, 2015 by Mike

It wasn’t much a surprise when co-creater Tom Neely revealed to LA Weekly that his other co-creator, Gin Stevens, suggested that they make a joke fantasy concept featuring two of Punk and Metal’s most intimidating badasses as a gay couple following a night of binge drinking because no sober person could possibly think this shit up! Hell, according to Tom he was warned by Henry Rollins himself that Glenn might mot like it at all. After all, how often does anyone see Glenn Danzig as the submissive type?

Regardless of what he thinks this book was hysterical. You need to be comfortable in your masculinity and have a great sense of humor to read this. So this tiny $5 book contains three short yet funny as hell stories featuring Henry Rollins and Glenn Danzig, as stated before, as a gay couple in a few different situations. I won’t get into every single detail of the stories but let’s just say they range from Glenn’s refusal to remove bricks from the front of their yard as well as criticism of his new lyrical directions, the two of them being tricked by the ghost of “Rokki Rickett” to go to a palace where they are to be sacrificed by “Leta Fjord”, who in turn gets sacrificed by their satanic neighbors “Daryl and John” – you don’t need to be a music nerd to know that reference! And the final story finds Henry and Glenn in couples therapy where the idea of bringing in a third partner is brought up to a few funny thoughts that had me practically pissing myself!

If you can somehow get your hands on a copy of this you should do it. There is trade version of this and I want to find it so bad!

…if I owned my own gym…

Posted on March 21, 2015April 20, 2015 by Mike

I’ve have thoughts about trying to open my own gym for the past four years now. Not only would I be my own boss but I could do what I want with it, which obviously includes dictating the entire vibe of the place. Who would my gym cater to? How would I design it? What equipment would I bring in? And of course there’s also the music. I love hardcore gyms like the ones I’ve seen in articles and on youtube. They cater to serious trainers, bodybuilders, powerlifters, you name it they are serious trainers. I’d love to go to a place like Metroflex in Arlington, TX, with those SICK designs all over the walls, music blasting through the speakers and dudes likes Branch Warren training their asses off; a place like Pumping Iron not too far from me. THAT place is Grunt City! The first time I walked in there they grunted and screamed so loud they were cutting through the music! These people were cutting through two big, 80’s era life size speakers! I train at a newly christened Powerhouse Gym. The owner bought Atlas Gym from the original owner and is looking to renovate the entire building. Thankfully, Mike, the new owner likes to play lots of rock music and some metal. But of course he’s not going to play the good shit all the time. I’ve already heard shit bands like Shinedown, Trapt, Limp Bizkit, Guns N Roses. Yeah I included Guns on that list – overrated and pretentious as fuck if you ask me! But Mike does let us put our phones/mp3 players into the stereo system – just ask the guy who’s always playing his Eminem mix every Thursday night! So one day I asked him if I could plug in my Spotify gym mix and he let me. I need the heaviest music I can think of to amp me up, especially when I’m squatting and deadlifting on the same day. This is my initial gym playlist called simply Gym Music:

Nevermore -Born
Meshuggah – Combustion
Crowbar – The Lasting Dose
Pantera – The Great Southern Trendkill
Morbid Angel – God of Emptiness
Black Label Society – Black Sunday
Strapping Young Lad – Shitstorm
Crowbar – All I Had (I Gave)
Pantera – Use My Third Arm
Slayer – War Ensemble
Meshuggah – Future Breed Machine
Nevermore – My Acid Words
Strapping Young Lad – Oh My Fucking God
Meshuggah – New Millenium Cyanide Christ

Pretty heavy, right? And I know a few guys in the gym that are metalheads but man, not even THEY could handle my shit. Within a few songs dudes were bitching to me that what they were hearing is “garbage”, “dude you have any Metallica?”, “Why don’t you make a playlist where you mix it up so everyone could enjoy it?”. Are you people fuckin’ pussies?? This is lifting music! It’s not supposed to be Master of Puppets; hell, everything on this list fuckin’ buries ‘Puppets six feet under in terms of intensity! The best was when the music ended Eric, one of those metalheads, quietly said “Thank god it’s over!”. Eric…I heard you buddy. But that’s not even my problem. Whenever I go to the gym a lot of what I hear is SHIT in plain English, but I don’t say a word because what right do I have? Therefore, what right do they have to bitch about my music? If you don’t like what you hear there’s a thing called HEADPHONES you pussies. Man, if I had my own gym the music would be loud and heavy as fuck all the time. And yeah, I’d probably scare a lot of people away…an exercise in weeding out the weak. Also… RIP AJ Pero 1958 – 2015

Confessions of an Angry Metalhead

Tag: Slayer