Henry & Glenn Forever + Ever

IMG_20150322_194622_443IMG_20150325_181638_712IMG_20150325_181704_772IMG_20150325_181739_148IMG_20150325_181815_418IMG_20150322_202517_447IMG_20150325_181841_927  It wasn’t much a surprise when co-creater Tom Neely revealed to LA Weekly that his other co-creator, Gin Stevens, suggested that they make a joke fantasy concept featuring two of Punk and Metal’s most intimidating badasses as a gay couple following a night of binge drinking because no sober person could possibly think this shit up!  Hell, according to Tom he was warned by Henry Rollins himself that Glenn might mot like it at all.  After all, how often does anyone see Glenn Danzig as the submissive type?

Regardless of what he thinks this book was hysterical.  You need to be comfortable in your masculinity and have a great sense of humor to read this.  So this tiny $5 book contains three short yet funny as hell stories featuring Henry Rollins and Glenn Danzig, as stated before, as a gay couple in a few different situations.  I won’t get into every single detail of the stories but let’s just say they range from Glenn’s refusal to remove bricks from the front of their yard as well as criticism of his new lyrical directions, the two of them being tricked by the ghost of “Rokki Rickett” to go to a palace where they are to be sacrificed by “Leta Fjord”, who in turn gets sacrificed by their satanic neighbors “Daryl and John” – you don’t need to be a music nerd to know that reference!  And the final story finds Henry and Glenn in couples therapy where the idea of bringing in a third partner is brought up to a few funny thoughts that had me practically pissing myself!

If you can somehow get your hands on a copy of this you should do it.   There is trade version of this and I want to find it so bad!

…if I owned my own gym…

I’ve have thoughts about trying to open my own gym for the past four years now.  Not only would I be my own boss but I could do what I want with it, which obviously includes dictating the entire vibe of the place.  Who would my gym cater to?  How would I design it?  What equipment would I bring in?  And of course there’s also the music. I love hardcore gyms like the ones I’ve seen in articles and on youtube.  They cater to serious trainers, bodybuilders, powerlifters, you name it they are serious trainers.  I’d love to go to a place like Metroflex in Arlington, TX, with those SICK designs all over the walls, music blasting through the speakers and dudes likes Branch Warren training their asses off; a place like Pumping Iron not too far from me.  THAT place is Grunt City!  The first time I walked in there they grunted and screamed so loud they were cutting through the music!  These people were cutting through two big, 80’s era life size speakers! I train at a newly christened Powerhouse Gym.  The owner bought Atlas Gym from the original owner and is looking to renovate the entire building.  Thankfully, Mike, the new owner likes to play lots of rock music and some metal.  But of course he’s not going to play the good shit all the time.  I’ve already heard shit bands like Shinedown, Trapt, Limp Bizkit, Guns N Roses.  Yeah I included Guns on that list – overrated and pretentious as fuck if you ask me! But Mike does let us put our phones/mp3 players into the stereo system – just ask the guy who’s always playing his Eminem mix every Thursday night!  So one day I asked him if I could plug in my Spotify gym mix and he let me.  I need the heaviest music I can think of to amp me up, especially when I’m squatting and deadlifting on the same day.  This is my initial gym playlist called simply Gym Music:

  • Nevermore -Born
  • Meshuggah – Combustion
  • Crowbar – The Lasting Dose
  • Pantera – The Great Southern Trendkill
  • Morbid Angel – God of Emptiness
  • Black Label Society – Black Sunday
  • Strapping Young Lad – Shitstorm
  • Crowbar – All I Had (I Gave)
  • Pantera – Use My Third Arm
  • Slayer – War Ensemble
  • Meshuggah – Future Breed Machine
  • Nevermore – My Acid Words
  • Strapping Young Lad – Oh My Fucking God
  • Meshuggah – New Millenium Cyanide Christ

Pretty heavy, right?  And I know a few guys in the gym that are metalheads but man, not even THEY could handle my shit.  Within a few songs dudes were bitching to me that what they were hearing is “garbage”, “dude you have any Metallica?”, “Why don’t you make a playlist where you mix it up so everyone could enjoy it?”.  Are you people fuckin’ pussies??  This is lifting music!  It’s not supposed to be Master of Puppets; hell, everything on this list fuckin’ buries ‘Puppets six feet under in terms of intensity! The best was when the music ended Eric, one of those metalheads, quietly said “Thank god it’s over!”.  Eric…I heard you buddy.  But that’s not even my problem.  Whenever I go to the gym a lot of what I hear is SHIT in plain English, but I don’t say a word because what right do I have?  Therefore, what right do they have to bitch about my music?  If you don’t like what you hear there’s a thing called HEADPHONES you pussies.  Man, if I had my own gym the music would be loud and heavy as fuck all the time.  And yeah, I’d probably scare a lot of people away…an exercise in weeding out the weak. Also… RIP AJ Pero 1958 – 2015