Tag: “Sarcasm”

New Music Uploaded!/Powerlifting Progress

Posted on by Mike

New Music Upload!

A few posts ago I mentioned that I wanted to try and record a few songs I wrote a long time ago, using the Audacity program on my laptop.  I finally did this past week, making my first very dirty sounding recording this past Thursday, and something much cleaner just yesterday…although the guitar solo for it’s a tad sloppy.  But of course you can be the judge:

 

 

Since I just recently downloaded Microsoft Movie Maker I decided to upload two of my favorite CD’s, Mercyful Fate’s Don’t Break The Oath, and Morbid Angel’s Covenant, on to my page.  I tried to upload “Miracle Man” by Ozzy as a test and that shit was immediately blocked worldwide.  Lame.

You can check them out here:

 

 

Powerlifting Progress!

Today starts Week 2 of my final meet prep training for my Powerlfiting debut on May 21st.  Here’s my workout for today:

Deadlift:

125lbs – 1 x 5

155lbs – 1 x 5

185lbs – 1 x 5

240lbs – 1 x 3

270lbs – 1 x 3

305lbs – 1 x 3

I spent 15 minutes on a stationary bike after I was done.  I’d like to think that my going back to taking pre workout is a good chunk of the reason why I was able to pull 305 with NO BELT.  C4: The official Cocaine of Pre Workouts.   I also like to think THIS totally helped:

So Yeah I know I posted this a blog or two ago but this shit is fucking intense that it was in my head the entire time I was deadlifting.  This shit rules.  If you go on the actual YouTube page you’ll see a commenter predict that guitarist/vocalist Todd Jones is slowly becoming the next Phil Anselmo.  I think he might be right!

 

“Hey, I hear you don’t like beatdowns?!” Shadows Fall live at L’Amour: August 10th, 2003

Posted on by Mike

I first read up on Shadows Fall in a brief one page Guitar World article in 2000, discussing the release of their newest album, Of One Blood, which featured the debut of vocalist Brian Fair.  I’m pretty sure I still have that magazine in my attic somewhere in a big ass bin of old GW back issues….along with a shit load of Muscle And Fitness mags that I stole from my ex-job…several times.  Those security guards were and probably STILL are dumb as SHIT.    All these years later I can’t remember why it didn’t get my attention much in a time when Pantera was just a month away from releasing Reinventing The Steel, and shit rap-metal and pussy pop punk was king; but it was most likely because I read that they mixed thrash and death metal with rhythm guitar Matt Bachand’s love of new-age music.  At that time I most likely too young or ignorant to understand the idea or even give it a listen to see how the band melded such styles together.

That changed two and a half years later, by which point I was a few weeks into my college career.  They once again were featured in Guitar World, this time discussing their newest album, The Art Of Balance.  This time around, the article focused on the fact that lead guitar Jon Donais actually shreds his ass off on the record.  Both he and Matt discuss their love of all kinds of metal, as well as the fact that at that point in time the ONLY other guitarists known for TRULY shredding it up were Dimebag Darrell and Zakk Wylde.  True story.  So I was interested.  Then, I started seeing ads for the album in magazines featuring quotes from these rave…and I mean RAVE…reviews, calling Shadows Fall “The Next Metallica”, on the heels of the fact that this CD was supposed to have such a purist, old school thrash feel.  Ok…I was sold.  So I went to Sam Goody, maybe around Christmas time, bought the CD, and my ass was instantly KICKED so hard.  The riffage was very thrash.  Jason Bittner’s drums were so precise and so freaking fast on his debut recording with the band, Brian Fair really did sound like Ride The Lightning – era James Hetfield.  Then, there was those guitar solos.  Jon Donais is an AMAZING lead guitar player.  There are guys who shred to blow their load by showing off their knowledge of every scale known to man and there are guys like Jon who shred with aggression, technique…and feel.  GASP!!!  Not too long after this I finally heard Of One Blood and realized what I was missing out on because that record is even MORE brutal than The Art Of Balance!

Sometime in the summer of 2003 I was in a Hot Topic – the second to last time I ever went into one – and I found myself talking to the guy behind the counter, whose name I no longer remember.  The discussion turned to musical styles.  Around this time, the nu-metal/rap metal train was close to FINALLY crashing, but so-called hardcore with breakdowns that the kiddies would breakdance too was starting to become the new trend.  This guy played in a band called Resin and they liked to do those breakdowns.  Too bad.  But he told me that his band would be opening for Chimaira and Shadows Fall within a month and he had to sell tickets (gee, I wonder where I heard that shit before) and of course I told him I’d go.  They were practically THE only modern metal band I was giving the time of day.

So a month later my mom insisted on driving me to L’Amour on 63rd St, most likely because she was a sissy who couldn’t bare the thought of my taking car service there even though I had done it just three months earlier, when I was last there to see Superjoint Ritual.  No sooner did I close the door to her car did I hear a voice yell out to me “Hey!  I hear you don’t like beatdowns??”.  I turned around there was all of Resin.  In the middle was their gruff looking singer, who yelled out to me.  To the left was the guy from Hot Topic…who clearly had a great memory!  So we spoke for a few minutes and they gave me my ticket.

Going into the show, which was an Ozzfest ’03 off-date, the bill was once again HEAVILY booked by the idiot guineas that ran the place.  I think the first band I remember seeing was this band of kids who did a cover of Sepultura’s “Roots Bloody Roots” that was played waaaaaayyy too fast.  Even when I was that age I never understood why younger bands just need to speed up even those songs that need to be played a little slower.  Is it nervousness?  Is it lack of understanding of dynamics?  The original tempo for the song was just right because it allowed Igor to put the right kind of groove in there and, more importantly, it allowed the heavy ass riffs to breathe.  Most times, fast never equates to heavy.  Heavy is not about tempo, or even volume for that matter.  It’s about attitude.  If you’re a young musician and you’re reading this, don’t ever forget this.  Dynamics, more important than ANYTHING else in terms of songwriting.

While seeing this one band one the main stage, whose guitarist was clearly trying so hard to be Dimebag Darrell, I recognized Jon Donais standing literally feet away from me.  I went over to him to discuss the band on stage because the guitar player was in fact really good and he put on the biggest smile and even gave me his full attention.  That solidified to me once for all the humility of the underground guys.  They were playing their first huge festival tour as The Art Of Balance was selling 100,000 copies, the first album in Century Media Record’s history to do so and they were still down to earth guys.  I went up to Brian Fair after seeing Jon and he too was a cool guy.  I saw a few more local bands including Full Blown Chaos yet again (and they sounded like shit yet again!) and Chimaira came out.  Long story short: they sucked.

Shadows Fall went on around 10pm and, long story short: they blew Chimaira out of the fucking water within the first minute of being up there.  Although that part wasn’t hard.  They were so good, playing songs from the two most recent CDs.

The Setlist:

Idle Hands

Crushing Belial

The Idiot Box

A Fire In Babylon

Stepping Outside The Circle

Thoughts Without Words

Of One Blood

Destroyer Of Senses

Serenity

The show was fucking incredible…and I totally forgive Brian Fair for wearing a Clash t-shirt that night!  At some point in the middle of the set, he asked us if we BOUGHT the new album and I’m pretty sure most of the crowd responded pretty positively…by which I mean horns in the air and loud chanting.  You could tell it meant a lot; let’s face it, bands in his position NEVER sell 100,000 copies of a record or even make that in combined album sales.  And that was a minor miracle compared to the success the band would see a year later!  What I did NOT know about that night was that it would be my last time going to the original L’Amour for anything.  They’d close down just over five months later in early February 2004.

Final Thoughts

Here’ a brief video of me squatting 235lbs for 6 reps without a belt last Thursday night.

I managed to pull this off without a belt and it was surprisingly easy.  Starting this week I began final preparations for my first meet happening on May 21st in Newark, NJ.  As of this past Sunday I’m focusing only on the big three lifts and light cardio, making my training sessions considerably shorter.

New Nails Video!, First ever training video

Posted on by Mike

New Nails Video!

Ok.  First things first: Anyone here see the new Nails video yet?  No?  Well here is the new video for title track to their upcoming Nuclear Blast Records debut, You Will Never Be One Of Us, coming out on June 17th.

…yeah…super brutal.  And that was just a minute and a half – just imagine what the rest of this shit sounds like!  If you’re a regular reader of my blog and you haven’t figured it out yet…yeah…I’m becoming a HUGE fan of these guys real quick.

First Ever Training Video

So today began week 3 of my current 5/3/1 cycle so I decided I want to go all out and see how many reps I can get at the last set of each big move – the Deadlift in this case.  I managed to pull 310lbs for 6 reps.  It’s a PR for sure, although I forgot to mention that I did pull 315 for 4 reps back in February.  Here’s my routine for the day:

Deadlift

125lbs – 1 x 5

155lbs – 1 x 5

185lbs – 1 x 5

245lbs – 1 x 5

275lbs – 1 x 3

310lbs – 1 x 6

Leg Curl

60lbs – 1 x 10

90lbs – 1 x 10

120lbs – 1 x 6

This was all followed by 7 1/2 minutes on a stationary bike.

Here’s the video:

Much better than I expected.  In fact my bodybuilder doppelganger Jon texted me back just now, telling me: “holy crap!  I got winded just watching!!”.  I plan to make a few more of these soon.

The End: Black Sabbath live and SOLD OUT at Madison Square Garden February 25th, 2016

Posted on by Mike

I tried to see Black Sabbath with Ozzy Osbourne on vocals on two different occasions.  Now, I intended on writing about this in other blogs as I went through all the concerts I went to, but I feel that would take forever and it would make sense to write about it now since I’m about to discuss the show I just went to.  When I went to see them at Ozzfest 2004 in Camden, NJ,  drummer Bill Ward came out before the band was to play and announced that Ozzy was too sick to play and Rob Halford of Judas Priest was going to sing in his place.  You couldn’t be there and complain much after that!  The next year, before we even got in inside the PNC Bank Arts Center, the girl checking our tickets told my ex-guitarist Chad and I “No Black Sabbath tonight”.  Why this time?  “Because Ozzy’s sick.”  Sure, Iron Maiden played an extended set that night but I was convinced that night that I’d never see Sabbath with Ozzy…and that Ozzy’s voice is just toast.

So when I got wind, a few weeks ago, that Sabbath had to cancel gigs in Canada because Ozzy lost his voice, the only thing I could assume was that my friend Frank was going to have to get a refund.  Little did I know how wrong I would be…and some more.  But I’ll get to that in a bit.

I arrived last night at Madison Square Garden with high expectations for the band and incredibly low expectations for Ozzy. Fuck, I really just wanted to see Tony Iommi anyway.  But I was also looking very much forward to reuniting with my buddy Frank, who got us the tickets, as well as seeing the opening bands, Rival Sons.  Rival Sons got on stage and goddamn they sound even more like Led Zeppelin live than on record!  The most obvious sign of it on their albums is the John Bonham-like drum sound.  But live, Jay Buchanan did some loud ass wailing while barefoot – that he at least had me convinced that Robert Plant found a way to defy age and join Rival Sons.  At one point Frank and I were jokingly singing Zep song titles into two of their songs because they sounds THAT MUCH like Zep songs.  I think the last time I heard anyone sound like Zep to the T was Billy Squier when he recorded “Lonely Is The Night”.

 

To our surprise we didn’t have to wait long for Sabbath to come on.  The lights in the Garden went out at 8:45pm, definitely earlier than expected.  As the sold out crowd was ROARING in excitement  a video came up on the screen.  We saw burning buildings that represented the artwork from their most recent album, 13.  Then it got really weird, like something out of a fucking Final Fantasy game.  But you can see part of it here:

So, as you can see and hear, they opened up with the title track to their self-titled debut.  And from their the broke into the classic “Fairies Wear Boots”.  Say what you want about Ozzy’s solo drummer, Tommy Clufetos, taking Bill Ward’s place for the last few years as well as the fact that his style is not as jazzy or loose as Bill’s.  But he did a really good job emulating Bill’s parts and making him his own.  Do I wish Bill was there?  Hell fuck yeah I do!  But I have to give Tommy respect for making it clear that he was paying his respects.  His DW drum kit even looks like Bill’s Tama set to the T!

Geezer Butler, as usual, was on FIRE last night!  He bass tone, even from where I was sitting in the nosebleed section, was so strong and crystal clear.  HIs fingers were moving so fast on those strings.  His playing, both wild with abandon yet perfectly arranged.  There really is no one like him.  No one.

Which brings me to Lita Ford’s favorite Superhero…as well as the main reason I even wanted to go: Tony Iommi.  This is it for him.  He’s sick, tired, stressed.  No matter what the other guys want to do after this all ends I wouldn’t expect to see him out on the road again.  The lymphoma treatments are clearly taking their toll on him.  But he still put on probably the most amazing show I’ve ever seen from him and this was the fourth time I’ve seen Tony live overall.  His playing was so fluid, so smooth yet so BRUTAL.  His riffs – so horrifying, so scary, so BRUTAL.  This motherfucker CREATED the style of music I love so much as is the primary reason I play guitar.  There will NEVER be anyone like Tony Iommi ever again.  Ever.

Then there was that big shocker of the night that I eluded to earlier.  Ozzy Osbourne, not known to have had a great singing voice since the mid 9o’s…actually sounded good!  I shit you not!  I’m pretty sure the key was that the band played songs that Ozzy could handle, which meant not straying far from their first three albums much if at all.  If you knew anything about how the guy destroyed his voice over the years you knew there was no way he was pulling out “Sabbath Blood Sabbath” or even “Megalomania” for that matter.  Although I was surprised to hear them play “Snowblind” and even more surprised to hear Ozzy hit the high notes without struggle!  He was shockingly on point last night…I guess the third time was the charm after all, eh?

THE SETLIST:

Intro video/Black Sabbath

Jack The Stripper/Fairies Wear Boots

After Forever

Into The Void (\m/\m/\m/\m/!!!!!!)

Snowblind

Wars Pigs

Behind The Wall Of Sleep/Bass Solo/NIB

Hand Of Doom

Rat Salad/Drum Solo

Iron Man

Dirty Women

Children Of The Grave

Encore: Paranoid (well, duh!)

Like I said, the band pretty much hovered around the first three albums which the exceptions of “Snowblind” and especially “Dirty Women”.  Not that Ozzy sang high in that song; but I doubt anyone expected them to pull out something off Technical Ecstacy, which was not their best album during the Ozzy years.  Either way, it was incredibly effective.  My head hurt so much from headbanging yet I refused to stop.  After the show ended we witnessed some guy who was so drunk he nearly fell down the stairs and that would have been a fucking long way down.  He instead fell on his ass and as he when to get his cigarette, which was already lit up, he mistakenly put the lit side in his mouth!

The show was in-fucking-credible, what a fitting way to say goodbye to the band that started it all.  In fact, they are playing another show at the Garden tomorrow night and will be touring through September.  Without them, and especially without Tony Iommi, there would be no heavy metal as we know it now.  For that I’ll always be thankful.

Powerlifting Meet Progression and Musical Inspiration/The IPF Guys Need A Life

Posted on by Mike

Had a damn good leg day this past Thursday.  It was very energetic, I feel myself getting stronger all the time.  5/3/1 is the shit!

2/11/16 Training Log:

Squat

95lbs – 1 x 5

115lbs – 1 x 5

140lbs – 1 x 5

180lbs – 1 x 3

205lbs – 1 x 3

225lbs – 1 x 6

Leg Press

190lbs – 3 x 10, 10, 10

Dumbbell Side Bends

8lbs – 3 x 10, 10, 10

This was all followed by six Prowler Sprints using 90lbs.  I’m looking to slowly increase up to fifteen sprints on Squat and Deadlift days.

I owe part of my energy  to this!

I’d also like to thank the site of the red headed FAGGOT piece of shit that trains at my gym for getting on my nerves just by being there.  Long story short, this asshole decided to be rude with me all because I didn’t realize last week that the dumbbell section was no longer crowded and I could move my duffel bag.  “It’s just…common knowledge”, he blurted out like a jerkoff.  If you’ve got nothing nice to say to a guy you don’t know from a hole in the wall then don’t say shit because that guy might just kick your ass.  I decided to be the better man because I wanted to get my work in but the next time he opens his dumb fucking mouth I might just fuck him up or at least give him a nice warning.  Although I’d love to see someone just shoot him is his face repeatedly – now THAT would be awesome!

ipf-logo

The International Powerlifting Federation…you guys seriously need to get over yourselves, leave your office and go get some air, go meet a girl, buy a plastic doll that you all can share, something.  Is attending the seminar of a guy who’s banned from the IPF for life really considered a form of association with the guy?

Quick back story: Ed Coan, considered the greatest powerlifter of all time, failed three drug tests with the IPF, the most prestigious powerlifting federation in the world, between 1985 and 1996 before finally being banned for life from the fed.  So when Ed was getting ready to host a series of seminars in Sweden the IPF issued a really pathetic statement reminding both IPF lifters as well as their own staff members that they were not to attend Ed’s seminar or they would be banned for life/fired.

I don’t care what anyone says – that’s the dumbest fucking statement the IPF could give.  So, as someone on YouTube said, should Silent Mike from Super Training Gym be banned from USAPL, which is affiliated with the IPF, because he and Mark Bell interviewed Ed for Power Magazine?  Hey how about Stronglifts creator Mehdi Hadim?  There’s a video of him training squats with Ed – should he not be allowed to lift in the IPF should he ever choose to compete?  He’s banned because he fucked up – he wasn’t some junkie pro wrestler who killed his wife and kid, and then hung himself on his lat pulldown machine in his basement.  Oops.

 

Practicing Riffs

Posted on by Mike

So I just uploaded two videos of myself practicing some riffs including my own original riffs.  I plan on recording some music in the next few weeks if all goes right.  I’ve said in the past that I’m retired for band life.  I don’t miss it AT ALL but I imagine that if I ever did go into that again then I’d start a raw metal band, kind of crusty and VERY offensive.

 

 

The pickups on the Destroyer sound way better than I figured they would have.  I had a wiring issue when I first played it; turned out it the top pot needed to be replaced, which was great because I really didn’t want to replace the pickups if I didn’t have to.

Final Thoughts

Speaking of offensive…so how about Phil Anselmo’s remarks at Dimebash, eh?  I’m not going to jump on the bandwagon and throw my two cents in because believe me when I tell you I’d come off as a hypocrite – and no, I’m not a white supremacist.  It’s funny that as soon as he said it was a joke made over white wine he was instantly called out because apparently he and Rita Haney were drinking alright – but not white wine.  In fact there was no white wine there at all.  But that’s not even the point because even though Phil gave a public apology as of this writing, chances are he’ll probably do it again.  The point is, for all those bands calling him out like what he did was so controversial, you obviously are all clueless to the fact that he’s done that shit before.  Hey here’s the proof for you’re viewing pleasure if you didn’t think it was bad enough that he said what he said during a show that was meant to honor his fallen bandmate  – skip to the 1:57 mark for the fun parts because White Power!  Right Phil??

Discovering True Anger In Metal; My First Powerlifting Meet

Posted on by Mike

Discovering True Anger In Metal

I bought my first Megadeth CD, Cryptic Writings, in 1998 when I was fourteen, almost a year after it was originally released.  I tried so hard to like it, I really did.  Fuck, I was anticipating a lot more from the guy who fired from Metallica AND named his band MEGADETH.  Come on! But I couldn’t.  It was way too fucking tame, even songs like “She-Wolf”, “The Disintegrators”, and even “FFF” were watered down compared to what I was expecting.  So I wrote ’em off like I did Metallica…especially after Risk!  That’ll just put you to fucking sleep!  At that time THE bands everybody my age listened to were the bands of the day like most kids do anyway, the bands in this case being Marilyn Manson (when he actually had balls), Korn (this was months before they became dead to me), OLD Metallica, Shit-vana (because it was some unspoken requirement to put that dead, talentless sack of shit on a pedestal), maybe one or two more that I can’t remember right now.

But over time I eventually discovered FAR BETTER songs from Megadeth thanks to WSOU like “Peace Sells…But Who’s Buying?” and “Sweating Bullets”.  Amazing.  It was near the end of my junior year in high school in 2001 when VH1 premiered their Behind The Music on the band.  Upon watching it my interest in the band was renewed before I even got to the fucking ten minute mark.  The intensity of everything from the way Mustaine alone grew up to the music being more badass than any riff Hetfield EVER came up with for Metallica to their beyond fucked up life style.  Then came the news that their next album, The World Needs A Hero, was to be heavier and a lot less radio friendly than the last two piles of shit.  And it was.  So over time I found myself buying most of the classics from their glory days.

Then near the end of 2001 I heard the news that Mustaine had remixed and remastered the band’s 1985 debut album, Killing Is My Business…And Business Is Good!, including a forward written by Scott Ian (because he’s only THE biggest metal fan on earth), as well as brand new artwork.  Remember this?

killing original

So badass.  Not!  So, the weekend it was released I went over to Sam Goody (remember that place?) and bought it.  After a funny ride home from a cab driver telling me about all the girls he’s fucked I wasted no time and popped that shit right in my radio.  The piano intro to “Last Rites/Loved To Deth” was crystal clear thanks to this new mix.  I loved how it seemed to tell a story before the main riff kicked in.  Holy shit this is intense!  Listen to those double bass drums!!  The morbidity of the song as he says “If I can’t have you then no one will!”.  That crazy, frenzied solo – is he using his Bill Lawrence pickups as frets to hit higher notes???  Someone call 911 – he just RAPED his B.C. Rich Bich…and it was good!

So this set the tone!  The entire album from here on in was pure balls to the wall, heavy as FUCK, ridiculously technical, jazzy time changes thanks to Chris Poland, whose solos run circles around most metal guitarists.  Kirk who?!  This was pure drug-feuled ANGER!!  Dave Mustaine was fired from what was to be THE biggest band in the world and he desperately had something to prove.  He was out for BLOOD.  The peak of the album?  “Looking Down The Cross”.  This song completely summarizes the album as a whole.  It’s well arranged, twists and turns at the right spots, Mustaine’s shockingly intelligent lyrics, the second of his two solos on the song is so panic stricken that it perfectly painted the mood of the entire song!  The final track was “Mechanix”.  For those of you who are new to this shit or live under a rock this is basically “The Four Horsemen” with a faster tempo, no slow interlude, and alternate lyrics about a horny gas attendant.  Mustaine wrote the song before he joined Metallica and gave it to them along with “Jump In The Fire”, but when they fired him James and Lar$ changed the lyrics and added the two slower parts and made it the song you know on Kill ‘Em All.  It was fun hearing this version of it, way more straight forward, way more badass.

I don’t know if I should thank Dave Mustaine’s thirst for revenge, drummer Gar Samuelson for introducing Mustaine and bassist David Ellefson to speedballs or both.  But I’ll tell you what…Killing Is My Business… was absolutely BRUTAL in the year predating Slayer’s Reign In Blood.  And with Mustaine’s amazing remix technique the newfound clarity amplifies that brutality times ten.  THIS was what I needed so bad in a time when everyone around me was listening to THE lamest, shittiest music you could find on radio in early 2002.  I was truly alone in this aspect but I didn’t care.  When my friends were listening to either Mudvayne or shitty emo bands like Weezer I was deafening my ears with Killing… for a long time.

My First Powerlifting Meet

REvPS

So after lots of thinking I finally decided to sign up for my first ever powerlifting meet, figuring that if I don’t do it now I might not ever.  So as of earlier this afternoon I will be competing in Revolution Powerlifting Syndicate’s Jersey Rumble at the Ramada Inn in Newark, NJ on Saturday, May 21st.  I’ll be part of the Amateur Open in the 198lb weight class in the Raw Modern Division.  The Open begins between 2:30 – 3:00 but I have to be there at noon to be given the rules, warm up, etc.  I’m going to see how I like it, regardless of how I do – which won’t be great.  If I like it I’ll do it again.  I imagine that if so I’d do one more meet later in the year, either in New Jersey again or somewhere in New York, most likely upstate somewhere.  If things go well maybe I’ll join USAPL, which is an affiliate of the International Powerlifting Federation.  If you’re reading this and plan on going to this feel free to drop me a line.

Random Thoughts

Posted on by Mike

jim-wendler

See this guy?  This guy is the man.  Fuck that – he’s my hero.  If you don’t know who he is Jim Wendler is the COO of Elite FTS, making him CEO Dave Tate’s right hand man.  But what makes in more important than even that is his awesome training program he developed for all kinds of lifters from bodybuilders to athletes to powerlifters, 5/3/1.

On paper it seems as annoying to decode as any other powerlifting program with calculating percentages, etc.  But what makes this program so unique, at least to me, is that Jim takes the guess work right out of everything.  It’s real simple; in one 4-week cycle you will perform three sets of your main lift for 3 working sets of  5 reps during the first week, 3 sets of 3 reps the next week, and then for the last week you will perform 3 working sets of 5 reps, then 3 reps and then 1 rep or more if you can.  After your main lift, you will perform two or three assistance lifts, followed by light or  hard conditioning (he likes to push prowlers and run up hills a lot)  depending on the day.  After all that you will enjoy a deload week as your fourth week as a way to recover while still staying active before going back into the heavy stuff.

I like this a lot because in short the name of the game of long term gains.  This isn’t some eight week program you read about in mainstream bodybuilding magazines.  This is about making new gains and breaking new PR’s every cycle, regardless of what that PR is.  If during a cycle you bench 155lbs for 5 reps during the third week and then in the next cycle your benching those same numbers for 8 reps, it’s still a PR.  You’re still getting stronger.

I’m pretty sure this program has been real good to me since I began using it back in October because as of today I finally Deadlifted 305lbs for the first time.  I’d like to thank Motorhead’s badass track “The Hammer” for giving me the energy to do this!  I probably should’ve gotten there two cycles ago but instead of increasing the weights every cycle by ten pounds I increased them by five.  Oops.  I’m beyond grateful that my gym in Clifton, New York Sports Club, actually has a deadlift platform with bumper plates because I refuse to deadlift with those shitty octagonal plates EVER again.  In fact, I hope who ever created those plates gets shot in the fucking throat repeatedly because they make TRUE strength training such a hindrance.

Week 3: Day 2 – Deadlift Day!

Deadlift

125lbs – 1 x 5

155lbs – 1 x 5

185lbs – 1 x 5

245lbs – 1 x 5

275lbs – 1 x 3

305lbs – 1 x3

Hyperextensions

35lbs – 3 x 12, 12 10

Ab Core machine

20lbs – 3 x 20, 20, 20

I wanted to use the ab crunch machine and do three sets with 105lbs but some middle aged bitch was occupying it, taking her sweet ass time.  You know the ones, they sit on the machine for 10 minutes, while socializing, and they even stop DURING THEIR SETS to yap some more.  Why are they even in the gym?  Shouldn’t they be in the beauty parlor with their other middle aged friends gossiping about some worthless piece of shit reality show they probably rush home for every day because they have NOTHING ELSE to live for??

Oh!  Speaking of Motorhead…

Lemmy

My girlfriend told me two days ago that Dingbatz was going to host the streaming of Lemmy’s memorial service in L.A. using Motorhead’s YouTube page, so of course we went.  It’s awesome knowing I’m literally a driving distance of ten minutes from the place.  There weren’t as many people there to watch it as we figured there would be, which was fine by me because we actually got seats at the bar giving us a great view of the brand new flat screens that the management just had installed, with the much older “tubes” now sitting outside of the bar.

It was held at a chapel, there was no way in fuck that this would be held at a church.  Nope nope!  Next to a podium was a table with a few souvenirs, if you will; Lemmy’s pirate hat which covered his urn – I had no idea he was cremated! – something from the WWE with their logo on it, always tacky guys, you never learn, do you?  His cowboy boots were on it along with some speed…a parting gift from Motorhead guitarist Phil Campbell, who surprised all of us by NOT being there.  I repeat: PHIL CAMPBELL was NOT at his own bandmate’s FUNERAL.  Surrounding both sides of the chapel?  Lemmy’s Marshall “MURDER ONE” Full Stacks.  FUCK.  YES.

Not many people there in suits, maybe one or two people.  But the difference between those two people was all too clear:  one guy probably wore a suit out of respect, like I would, and Triple H wore a suit because he has a corporate image to uphold.  Yeah, I said it.  There were a lot of people there to speak about Lemmy as well as one or two people I know I sure didn’t expect.  Did any of you truly expect GENE SIMMONS to be there?  Since when the fuck does GENE FUCKING SIMMONS care about anyone BUT himself??  Geezer Butler was also there, which was cool of him.  Of course Ozzy and $haron were there, I mean $haron only screwed him out of potentially MILLIONS in royalties for writing classic songs on both No More Tears and Ozzmosis by giving him flat rates.  Cunt.

Among the speakers were various people, from random friends from Germany, to Lemmy’s somn Paul, to the band’s management and road crew (You know what song came to my mind every time!), to celebrities we all know.  Just like that the theme of this service was all too clear: friendship.  As much of a modern day pirate as he was, Lemmy was everybody’s friend and those people who were invited to speak were obviously those he made the most impact on from a personal level.  A surprisingly emotional Mike Inez of Alice In Chains spoke, as well as Slash, who spoke about the time he spent with Lemmy in the hospital after he was fitted with a pacemaker, being by his side everyday until he was released.  I had no idea.  I’ll never be a fan of Slash’s guitar playing and I LOATHE Guns N Roses but he always comes of like that guy you can hang out with for hours.

Triple H (most boring wrestler EVER) told some funny stories about Lemmy.  Remember, before he became a corporate sellout he was a metalhead who would often do interview segments in a battle jacket with either one of his own shirts or the Motorhead England shirt.  In that regard he was for real.  He had the honor of having Motorhead play him to the ring for two Wrestlemanias.  Luckily for me he lost both times.  He mentioned that when that happened Lemmy said to him: “You can’t win a match to save your life, can you?  That’s why you’re good for us!”  But after talking of Lemmy the ballbuster he spoke of Lemmy the gentleman.

He and his wife went to see Motorhead backstage at a festival show.  He went backstage and he found Lemmy with two towels on, topless girls and coke on the table.  He was about to come in until Lemmy noticed Stephanie.  “Whoop!  Close the door!”, he yelled as Trips waited outside.  When Lemmy reopened the door he was now dressed, the girls were dressed and the coke was gone, which Trips could only assume Lemmy snorted all of – and all because Stephanie was there.  Sure sounds like a gentleman to me, even though not too long ago Steph actually had double implants.

All of us in the bar were VERY surprised when Rob Halford came up to speak.  I had no idea he’d be there but it shouldn’t be too much of a shocker.  Like Lemmy, this world is Rob’s life and even after all the decades he’s been doing this he’s still a fan.  He told everyone: “When I was in the presence of Lord Lemmy, I was a bit overwhelmed …”  Yeah?  Well, so were the rest of us bud.  Points for calling him “Lord Lemmy”, by the way.  After Rob left Lemmy’s girlfriend came up.  She was clearly drunk, slurring her words the entire time.  No denying she’s in a major panic right now, trying to figure out what to do next.

Lars Ulrich and Robert Trujillo of Metallica came up and that’s when I got interested.  Upon walking up to the podium, Lars looked…different.  I don’t mean the homeless guy beard he had but his vibe was different.  He was clearly shaken up there…even vulnerable.  Metallica are dead to me after …And Justice For All, but there would be no Metallica without Motorhead and Lars made it painfully obvious in every interview he’s ever done. You knew it when he spoke of opening for Motorhead in 1982, the year before Metallica were even signed to Megaforce Records, and Lemmy recognized him from their meeting in Denmark not too long before that.  The theme of his speech was that Lemmy always treated him as an equal.  I’m sure Lars could’ve said much more…if he wasn’t still shaken.  It must’ve finally hit him that his idol is gone.  That has to really suck for Lars, knowing that the reason he is the drummer for biggest band in the world is no longer here.

Dave Grohl was the last person to speak, which is what everyone was waiting for.  You know his general history: drummer for extremely overrated grunge band turned frontman/guitarist for middle of the road rock band.  But those who REALLY know ANYTHING about the guy know too well that he’s nearly as big a Motorhead fan as even Lars!  He occupation as guitarist for his middle of the road rock band basically finances his love of all things hardcore, crust and metal.  If you know ANYTHING about Dave Grohl you heard his metal side project Probot, which featured several different metal vocalist, including Lemmy, with whom he recorded the only good track on that CD, “Shake Your Blood:, in which Lemmy also played bass.

Over the years Dave and Lemmy truly developed a bond with a each other.  The two of them got together many times and were clearly the best of friends for years.  Watching him up there you can tell he was truly humbled to be friend with the guy.  What sucked was when the mic got cut off and we couldn’t hear shit for about ten minutes, and went right back on before he finished.  He mentioned their love of Little Richard, which plays and important part here.  Right before Lemmy died Dave got Little Richard to autograph a bible pamphlet for him to give to Lemmy, but Lemmy died right before he could give it to him.  So right before he let the podium Dave recited a few lines from Little Richard’s song “Precious Lord Take My Hand”, before raising a toast to Lemmy.

After it was done Lemmy’s tech plugged in his Rickenbacker signature “Rickenbastard” bass, leaned it against his full stack and let that shit feed back forever.  THAT is how you hold a memorial service.  Let’s celebrate the guys life – I think he’d make fun of all of us for mourning him, I know he wouldn’t want us to, although the woman sitting across from us was in tears the entire time.  The world is still a shittier place without you though pal.

 

Corrosion of Conformity live at Gramercy Theatre 12/4/15

Posted on by Mike

This was a last minute thing for me.  I totally wasn’t expecting to go to this because I had somewhere to be the next day but all I can tell you was it was so fucking worth it.  I was amazed I was even able to get tickets because according to my girlfriend the show was very close to selling out, which did surprise me just a bit.  I mean, Pepper Keenan hasn’t done shit with Corrosion of Conformity in a decade and the band went on without him for a few years as a three piece hardcore band for the first time since their 1985 album Animosity.

When I think of Corrosion as a band I can’t help but think of that swinger couple that lets it get out hand for far longer than usual.  Mike Dean left the band after 1987’s Technocracy EP and didn’t come back until the year before the band made 1994’s Deliverance.  Reed Mullin left after 2000’s America’s Volume Dealer, only to come back in 2010, just in time for him, Woody Weatherman and Mike to go back out as a three piece.  And then there’s Pepper.  Oh, Pepper…this guy is without a doubt THE biggest WHORE in this relationship.  After the band’s last studio album with him, 2005’s In The Arms of God, he basically ditched his jilted lovers for Down along with ex-Pantera singer and childhood friend Phil Anselmo so he could jerk off to slugde metal on record.  Together they made one GREAT comeback album, followed by two not so great EPs.

But in this swinging relationship, man do things swing in both directions because this year Pepper finally returned, seemingly getting it all out of his system and here we are.  They recently signed a new deal with Nuclear Blast Records and they plan to make a new record next year.  And judging by the assault on my ears a few nights ago I’m convinced the wait will be worth it.

After I bought my tickets I went out for a bit, but upon going back to the building I found Mike Dean outside the building having a cigarette.  Drugs are bad, mmmkay?  Because this motherfucker, as amazing a bassist as he is, looks like Doc Brown on meth.  I went up to him to introduce myself.  He shook my hand and even said hi but, with his looking around at everything but me, I figured he just wanted to be left alone so I let him be.

I sat on the ground for a few minutes when Pepper came out for a cigarette.  He had cowboy boots on with his worn leather jacket.  His face?  Aged like a motherfucker, but then again, if I was childhood friends with someone like Phil Anselmo I’d age badly myself!  I said “what’s up bro?” to him and he was about to shake my hand before we were rudely interrupted by these two tramps who bragged to Pepper that “we came ALL the way from New Jersey just to see you!”.  Oooh wow, you came from across the fucking Hudson River??!!?!?!  WOW!!!!  Did you swim across the river?  Because THAT would’ve been impressive!

While these two fuckheads where doing their thing Pepper quickly turned to shake my hand before something else happened.  We shared some small talk, nothing major, nothing long.  I asked him if bitches annoy you like that often, “Sometimes…”, he said in his Louisiana drawl.  I then asked him if he was enjoying playing out with the guys again. “Yeah man, I’m having a blast.”, he said before being warned by this drunken Brooklyn buffoon waiting on line to hide his beer in his jacket because the NYPD are hardasses with nothing better to do.  As much as I thought the buffoon was annoying with his drunken bellowing about seeing Savatage while high I couldn’t help but echo back his warning to Pepper.

After my girlfriend arrived we went on line and were able to grab a seat to the right of the mixing board.  On tonight’s bill alongside Corrosion were Mothership, Saviours and Brent Bjork and The Low Desert Punk Band.  I also declared this night the Orange Amplifiers Apocalypse.  What’s with stoner bands and their fixation on Orange Amps?  Did they not get the memo that the only reason Tony Iommi used an Orange Amp in that televised German performance on Beat-Club was because it belonged to the TV studio?  Not too long after I noticed Jimmy and Peter Pallis of Anaka up front we were taken by surprise by this sudden fucking screeching amp feedback.  As my ears were getting fucked up the projection screen on stage went up and there was Mothership.

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Now…I’m still not sure a week later how I feel about this band.  There is no doubt in mind of their musical direction: not too heavy, aggressive enough.  There’s no question in my mind that Kelley Juett played his fucking ass off throughout Mothership’s entire set.  Very good guitar player with a very good amp tone as well.  I wasn’t too surprised to hear them play Led Zeppelin’s “heartbreaker”.  I felt like something was missing though.  What exactly?  Not sure…maybe it’s sounded to early 70’s hard rockfish for my tastes.  I don’t hate Mothership…just not sure what to think.

Next up was Saviours.

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Geez…Austin Barber and Kelley Juett sure do look alike!  The guy sitting next me and I were sure that it was the same guy in two bands.  Aside for that this band to me are what Mothership maybe should’ve been.  They were definitely edgier, heavier, more badass solos, more badass riffing, more badass everything while keeping it in a sludge/stoner context.  Imagine a mix of High on Fire if Matt Pike hired a second guitarist and they played Iron Maiden style harmonies.

Brent Bjork and The Low Desert Punk Band should go into a room with the surviving members of The Grateful Dead, suck each other off and then go kill themselves in a suicide pact with all of them shooting themselves in the fucking mouth.

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This is exactly why I HATE jam bands so fucking much.  Stupid name: check.  Unnecessarily long jams: check.  Shitty songs to be jamming out to: check.  But forget all that for a second.  What the fuck are they doing on a bill with bands they sound nothing like??

They finally showed us mercy but getting the fuck off the stage around 10pm.  The real fun began a half an hour later:

The last time I saw Corrosion of Conformity over ten years ago opening up for Motorhead they sounded damn good; but on this night they sounded absolutely fucking brutal.  They all came off as completely re-energized – especially Pepper.  His voice was real strong here, full of energy, as if he really was happy to be back with the guys.  I was so pumped!  After “Broken Man” they went right into “Paranoid Opioid” and I dare say this time around it sounded better than the album version.  They broke into a lot of tracks spanning their entire Pepper-era run between 1991 and 2005, including “Vote With A Bullet”, my girlfriend’s personal favorite, as well as “Albatross”, which Pepper personally dedicated to Mothership.  Why?  “Because they owe me a lot of money.”, he declared on the mic.

Before the show ended for good Pepper said he was dedicating the last song to the Eagles of Death Metal as a result of the Paris attacks where a few of their own crew members were killed in the Bataclan while the band was on stage.  Scary shit.  The song?  “Clean My Wounds”.  Gee Pepper, thanks for showing me that I’ve been playing the riff wrong all these years.  Fucker.  After the guitar solo the band broke it down into a reggae groove that lasted nearly ten minutes and showed off how great a bassist Mike Dean really is.  Reed Mullin?  Absolutely underrated as a drummer, he truly has come such a long way in thirty years.  After nearly ten minutes the band jumped right back into the song’s original groove before calling it a night.

This was an absolutely brutal, incredible show and I’m happy to say that it did in fact sell out half way into the night.  I’ll be first in line to buy their new CD when it comes out.  This is my last concert for the year until Black Sabbath in February unless I get tickets to see Lamb of God in January with support from Power Trip and Anthrax.

Abigail Lives! King Diamond live at Playstation Theater 11/20/15

Posted on by Mike

It was an eerie night on that 7th day of July in 1777…alright it was more like last Friday in Manhattan and I was actually going to see King Diamond.  On this tour he’ll play a few classics before playing in its entirety Abigail, the album that made King a metal GOD.  Thanks again Courtenay!  So I went to pick her up at her job and off we went to PlayStation Theater in Times Square, where we were searched twice, including being patted down because of the ISIS attacks on Paris…as well as ISIS claiming Times Square was next.  Oh, and if you live in NYC and really thought they’d do it you’re dumb.  It’s too big and too obvious.  I think they’d hit a much more low key area.

We got there long before the doors even opened and sat because she hurt her calf just walking to meet me and my knees were in exquisite pain from squatting 210 for 6 reps without my compression gear on.  So more than an hour passed before people stared coming in and man, this show got stereotypical real quick.  I saw a lot of Mexicans walking in and you just knew they were there to see Exodus, the opening band.  There’s always been a connection between Mexicans and thrash or even some death metal.  I can’t explain but if you’ve ever gone to a thrash show you know what I’m talking about.  I saw dudes coming in with bandanas on with unbent baseball caps over them and 2nd generation Exodus and Slayer t-shirts.  It never fails…ever.

Sitting a few seats next to us were the stereotypical awkward/not so good looking couples who are bonded by that one little thing…their love for metal.  Awww.  Then someone said something to me that had me looking.  “You notice how many morbidly obese guys are here?”  Oh yeah, it was real bad.  I’m totally convinced that it’s the result of years of devotion to Dungeons and Dragons, staying indoors all day and playing online video games with thirteen year old boys and eating like shit their entire lives.  You know these motherfuckers came out of the woodwork just for this and then ran back home to their video games.  I’m not the best looking guy out there but I’m sure I was maybe one of the most in shape guys in the whole fucking building at that moment.  Ladies and gents – another metal concert stereotype.  Don’t ever be that guy.

So around 8pm Exodus were getting ready to hit the stage.  Their entrance music?  “Piano Man” by Billy Joel.  Once Exodus came on they opened with a track off their new album Blood In Blood Out.  My biggest problem with this band forever will always be Sousa’s vocals.  I said it in my last blog but canning Rob Dukes was THE dumbest thing they could’ve done.  Dukes gave Exodus much needed new life with his intense screams and barks.  I even bought an Exodus album for the first time!  Forget that they way the canned him was pretty scummy it was just a bad artistic call.  The are so fucking heavy that Sousa’s nasal delivery just sounds so fucking dated.

Aside from that they played great.  But why did Gary Holt look so different here?  What a sec…..that’s not Gary!  Where is he??  I texted my friend Maureen, who was waiting in line to get searched, if she knew anything.  I had no idea that he was not going to be there because of Slayer commitments.  It seems crazy at first, Exodus hit a goldmine, opening for King Diamond and having three additional dates added in New York City alone because the initial date sold out so fast.  But then again, Gary’s now in Slayer as well as Exodus and probably making much more money in one show alone.  Good for him.  So who was his replacement on this tour with King?  It’s Heathen guitarist Kragen Lum, who did a damn good job playing Gary’s parts.

Exodus played for not even an hour.  Zetro did his expected nod to L’Amour’s to get the older fans to jizz all over themselves, and they did.  The hit their signature tune, “Toxic Waltz”, right in the middle of the set.  The dudes in the pit went apeshit.  It was a decent show.  I don’t hate Exodus and I never really did.  But Zetro just annoys me to no end.  He is to the west coast what Blitz from Overkill is to the east coast – really annoying!

After a little waiting period, the curtain opened.  Then…this happened….

I have to admit, I was a bit worried.  Over the last several years he suffered a herniated disc and most recently heart surgery.  I saw a clip of him with members of Mercyful Fate playing with Metallica on their 30th anniversary show in 2011 and he wasn’t that good.  But that was then, because as soon as he wailed out “GRANDMAAAAAAAA!!!!” all my fears were gone.  Holy shit he was amazing.  His band were spot on.  Andy LaRocque’s solos?  Total.  Fucking.  Jizzfest.  He can solo all day and I’ll never get bored.  The stage?  Two staircases with a balcony with two inverted crucifixes and a pentagram behind it.  So eighties, so amazing.

After “Welcome Home” the band kicked right into “Sleepless Nights”, my personal favorite from King.  It’s so different from the rest of his material up to that particular album for me, I guess because of the chord structuring and the emotion that’s actually in that song.  Yeah I know that Conspiracy is a concept album like everything else from Abigail on; but every time he shrieks out that line “Killing The PAAAAIIIINNNN!!!!!” it always hits me and now here I was hearing it live and my response was no different here.  They broke into “Halloween” after that and then two Mercyful Fate tunes, “Evil” and “Melissa”.

I have to admit I’m one of the many people would’ve never known “Evil” or ANYTHING related to Mercyful Fate or King Diamond if I never bought Metallica’s Garage Inc.  So when King shrieked “I was born in a cemetery….” I immediately heard Hetfield singing it in my head.  At the end of “Melissa” King says in a raspy voice “I think Melissa’s still with us…”, before slowly walking up the steps, them limping.  Then, as he reached the top, the pentagram, crucifixes and band logo on the side of the stage descended.  Then shit went DOWN!!!!!

I had to get the first two songs recorded.  “Arrival” is such a dark and ominous song, foreshadowing the rest of this creepy ass story about a pregnant woman whose baby is possessed by the spirit of Abigail, the illegitimate, stillborn child who was mummified by Count La’Fey.  Hearing every single track was intense.  The band were spot on.  King’s voice was much better than I would’ve ever expected.  I should also note that while most aging bands will tune lower so the singer can handle the songs, King played EVERYTHING in their proper tunings.  Not bad for a guy who’s sixty years old.  And there’s one more thing I need to point out.  My girlfriend pointed out King’s makeup, which looked NOTHING like his usual look, inverted crucifixes all over his face.  This time it actually looked a lot more like his classic look from the 80’s, you know, the one Gene Simmons tried to sue him over in the late nineties like an asshole.  Hey Gene, fuck you!

As the show came to an end with “The Black Horsemen” King yelled out to the crowd “Thank you so, so much New York!”, and rightfully so.  Only in New York City could one show turn into four and it was easy to tell he was moved by it all.  He’s lucky to be alive and I’m sure he knows it.  After the band finished up “Insanity” from King’s album The Eye, could be heard through the PA speakers.  It served to me as one last reminder of how talented a songwriter King really is.  He’s extremely underrated and deserves much more credit than he gets, even after Metallica exposed him to the world seventeen years ago.  I’m pretty sure King stayed on stage for five extra minutes even after the rest of the band walked off just to high five the fans, soaking it all in.  This type of thing doesn’t happen to him in the states often and I know it had to have felt amazing at that moment.  He’d go on to play two more shows in the next two nights and I’m sure the results were the same.