A New Era, A New Hope: The Black Dahlia Murder – Servitude

It finally happened. We’ve waited four long, questionable years. In fact, what we have here is an album so highly anticipated, so in-demand, that the pre-orders were distributed days before it’s official release. Then again, there was so much riding on Servitude, the first new album by The Black Dahlia Murder in over four years. I don’t need to remind anyone reading this that it’s also the first record released from the band since the tragic passing of founding lead singer Trevor Strnad. And with founding rhythm guitarist and backing vocalist Brian Eschbach abandoning his post to take on lead vocals, along with the monumental return of guitarist Ryan Knight, we now have a whole new band, with TWO lead guitarists, and with Brian being the sole original member of the band left.

So, how does Version 2.0 of the Black Dahlia Murder hold up on their first album?

The sounds of waves crashing on the shore open up “Evening Ephemeral” before we hear the ominous notes of a hammer dulcimer, which really does sound a lot like a piano. It’s a rather dramatic, yet sensible way to open up a record as high stakes as Servitude. Perhaps it’s a quiet tribute to Trevor before the storm? A sinister introduction to Version 2.0 of the most important Death Metal band of the last two decades? Who really knows?

What I do know is that the band kicks right through that fucking door with Brian letting out such a fucking scream. The fun in the album as a whole has been trying to figure out which guitarist in the band wrote what, since the songs are all credited the band as a whole, even though we do know that each guitarist – Brian included – wrote three songs for Servitude. I heard a power chord with a whammy dive during this intro riff and I can only assume that this song had to be something Brandon Ellis wrote, because I never heard that trick until “As Good as Dead” off Nightbringers, his debut with the band in 2017.

After an epic introduction, Alan Cassidy loses his shit with some gloriously chaotic blastbeats, while bassist Max Lavelle, Ryan and Brandon play their instruments like they have too much to prove and even more to lose. In regard to solo spots, it sounds to me as if Ryan and Brandon as trading off licks here, and I fucking love that. It’s difficult at times to discern who’s playing since their styles are so similar. And you’d have to imagine that because their roots are in a Tech Metal band such as Arsis, some of that flavor will prevail at times. Only it’ll be done better because James Malone isn’t the one writing the music.

I can tell Brian wrote “Panic Hysteric” which also now has a music video for it. His style is far too recognizable. I’m grateful he’s still writing music and didn’t just leave the writing to Brandon and Ryan. Brian Eschbach with or without Trevor IS the Black Dahlia Murder. I already reviewed “Aftermath” individually and later retracted my interpretation of the lyrics. More on that part later! But what I will add is Brian DEFINITELY wrote this one, and it was a fantastic way to reintroduce the band in its current form.

I fucking LOVE “Cursed Creator”! It’s probably my favorite of the entire album. I cannot pinpoint who wrote it, but I’m wondering if it was Ryan. The double-timed riff is drenched in harmonies and the song itself is filled with changes in tempo along with dynamics. That solo is unmistakably Ryan’s, and I really missed hearing him tear it up. It’s great to have him back, even with the shitty circumstances behind his return. Ok let’s talk about “An Intermission”. Fuck this!!! Yes, the music is gorgeous. But I fucking HATE when ANY band – sorry guys, you aren’t safe here! – takes a short piece of music and labels it “intermission” or will tack it on to the beginning of a record and title it “The End”, or “End of the Beginning”, or “End of Your Mother’s Ass” or some shit. Just tack it onto the next track and call it a day, or don’t use it at all! Less albums than you realize need that stupid shit.

“Asserting Dominion” has that mid-90’s, At The Gates style shuffle that adorns many Black Dahlia tunes. Brian’s voice grows on me the more I hear him. His style is unsurprisingly similar to Trevor’s, but it sounds far more Black Metal in tone than Trevor’s. Trevor was essentially Jeff Walker in steroids to me. I’m also almost positive Brandon wrote this one. There’s a shit ton of melody to it and he’s an absolute disciple of 80’s lead guitar, which at times could be equally as melodic as it was chaotic depending on the guitarist and style of music. The album’s title track takes no prisoners from the start and sounds like a Brian Eschbach tour de force, not just because I’m all but positive the music is his, but because this to me is where he reminds me of Trevor the most in his vocal performance. I don’t believe he’s blatantly trying to sound like Trevor and I certainly wouldn’t want that.

I’ve already reviewed “Mammoth’s Hand” when it was released as a single. It’s already been made clear that Ryan absolutely wrote this one and therefore plays the main solo. It’s probably my other favorite track on the record, since Brian was lyrically inspired by a really bad 80’s cult movie. “Transcosmic Blueprint” is an even more badass version of “Asserting Dominion”. It starts off with the mid-90’s Swedish-style shuffle but with a tad more attitude, before changing styles and tempos midway through. I’m positive Ryan and Brandon were trading licks again. This is a simply amazing song that essentially showcases everything The Balck Dahlia Murder has done since their 2003 debut.

“Utopia Black” is a fucking statement. It starts with another loud ass scream from Brian. This reminds me of a few other album closers from the band over time. The minor keys set it off and Brandon’s virtuosic solos abound paint an epic picture. The lyrics “devotion shall be rewarded/a Black Utopia washing over one and all” perfectly preface the end of the song, along with the reprise of the waves crashing down and the return of the earlier heard hammer dulcimer, indicating some semblance of a theme.

Now let’s discuss lyrical themes, because there is something that needs to be addressed. I already admitted recently that looked too deeply into the lyrics to “Aftermath”. I interpreted it as crawling back from tragedy the likes of which theoretically should’ve instantly killed the band. But no, it was literally just about surviving zombies in a post-Armageddon world. In that same vein, “Mammoth’s Hand” was literally using the plot to the movie Beastmaster to guide the lyrical content. With that in mind Brian made it clear that the lyrics to all of the songs on Servitude are not necessarily serious. He just took topics and wrote about them.

It’s a far cry from the death and horror themes Trevor wrote about. Sure, Brian did write some fantasy, occult, horror laden lyrics on Servitude. But for now, anyway, he wasn’t as serious in tone as Trevor was. He wasn’t going to be, and I’m honestly ok with that, knowing Brian has plenty of time now to explore and improve upon what he’s accomplished already.

So, what do I think of Servitude? Considering most of us thought the band were cooked two years ago, this is far better than I imagined. The Black Dahlia Murder knew they had something to prove in their new state and they killed it. They lose points, however, for “An Intermission”. I give Servitude four out of 5 middle fingers.

Recommended Tracks

Evening Ephemeral, Panic Hysteric, Aftermath, Cursed Creator, Mammoth’s Hand, Utopia Black

Nails – Every Bridge Burning

Eight years. That’s how long it’s been since Nails released You Will Never Be One of Us, the band’s last album and 2016 Nuclear Blast Records debut. That album was absolutely disgusting, just beautifully vile and disgusting. It was raw, quick (minus “They Come Crawling Back”), and disgusting. The biggest surprise to me still, even eight years later, is that it debuted on the Billboard charts. Forget about the position (128), it’s just the idea that a band this disgusting DEBUTED ON THE BILLBOARD FUCKING CHARTS.

We wouldn’t hear much from Nails for a long time afterwards. The band, with the YWNBOOU lineup still intact, did release some new material from time to time, including a split with Full of Hell and the 2019 single “I Don’t Want to Know You”. Otherwise, not much was heard from them, which isn’t a surprise. Frontman/guitarist Todd Jones made it clear in the past that Nails is definitely not a full-time touring band, as he has a full-time job and doesn’t like being away from home for long stretches of time. It might or might not even be why both drummer Taylor Young and bassist John Gianelli left in late 2020, ultimately concluding the original lineup.

With all of that in mind, let’s fast forward to the present. As I type this, Every Bridge Burning, Nails’ fourth full length album and second on Nuclear Blast Records, has been out for two weeks now. To boot, this new release has a whole new, much more metal-inspired lineup, including Carlos Cruz on drums, formerly of Warbringer. After many much-needed repeated listens (the album is only 18 minutes after all!) there’s only one thing to say:

Every Bridge Burning fucks hard. It fucks harder than my first girlfriend from when I was 18 who just lied there on her parents’ leather couch like a dead fish. I could list a few others, but Kristy, you were the worst. Worst blowjob, worst fuck, worst everything. But it also fucks as hard as the submissive chick who always addressed me as “Daddy”.

But I digress.

“Imposing Will” is the lead off track and after four bass drum kicks to start things off, it immediately turns into something that could’ve sounded like “Parasite, pt.2” from the previous record. But the difference here is the drums are even punchier than last time around. I didn’t think that was even possible since Kurt Ballou’s production made Taylor’s drums sound like battering rams last time around! Todd Jones sounds as if he’s continuing with the vocal style he began using on YWNBOOU. It’s one that’s much more growly and guttural than the high-pitched scream he used on 2013’s Abandon All Life.

“Punishment Map” immediately kicks in with more blast beats from Carlos Cruz along with Todd’s and Shelby Lermo’s Boss HM2 Heavy Metal-cranked, Swedish Death Metal inspired guitar tones. It’s the type where even MY ears (I have perfect pitch) have a hard time making out what’s happening at times. But that’s the beauty of it all. And to you fucking gear nerds, yeah, I know Todd is using an overdrive pedal that was custom made for him – but it’s definitely inspired by the old HM2 pedal, and you can’t deny it!

The more I go through the album I begin to realize that not only are the drums clearer in the mix, but so are Todd’s vocals. I still can’t completely make out what he’s saying; but he doesn’t sound like he’s drowning in the mix either. I also hear slight bit of room reverb (?) in his vocals, almost similar to King Diamond’s voice on Mercyful Fate’s Don’t Break The Oath.

“Give Me the Painkiller” took me very much by surprise when it was released as a single over the summer. The opening riff alone is far more intricate than anything else in Nails’ entire catalog. In fact, the song is the most Metal sounding of the entire album and even has a legitimate guitar solo. I shit you not! And come to find out, Todd revealed in Forbes that upon having writers block during the pandemic (aka the greatest year and a half of my life!!!), he began listening to Van Halen. While Todd clearly didn’t begin trying to write like Ed, the change in music encouraged him to break out of his shell and branch out.

I don’t care what music you prefer to listen to, you’re not a real musician unless you listen to all kinds of music because you never know where your next source of inspiration will be.

I wasn’t sure about “Lacking the Ability to Process Empathy” when I heard it weeks ago. It appeared nowhere near as dynamic as the other songs I’d heard as singles. But within the confines of an album flow, it fits right in. I also love Carlo’s double bass groove near the end of the track. “Trapped”, the shortest track on the record at just 0:38 seconds, is just pure rape. There’s nothing else to say.

“Dehumaized” is THE song to listen to while beating the shit out of someone with brass knucks AND a metal baseball bat. The pace is superhuman at the very start with blast beats so clear that you must be dead if you stay still. It appears to be a tradition for Nails to have the album closer be the longest track on the record. And at 3:19, “No More Rivers to Cross” is only half the length of “They Come Crawling Back”, which clocked in at 8:14; but it’s so fucking filled with changes, headbanging grooves and Tony Iommi-esque trills that the song’s length is perfect.

If there’s anything I can say about Every Bridge Burning, it’s that Nails – Todd in particular! – is still one big ball of rage, bile, resentment, violence, intensity, you fucking name it. But now, the music is just a tad more diverse, and I like it.

I hearby give Every Bridge Burning four out of five middle fingers!

The Black Dahlia Murder – Mammoth’s Hand

I didn’t even have to look for this new track from The Black Dahlia Murder, since one of my Instagram followers chose to send it to me early Tuesday morning. “Mammoth’s Hand” is the second single off of Servitude, the group’s first album in over four years and their first without the late Trevor Strnad. And as you can see above, it even has a fucking sick animated video to accompany it. So, let’s get right to it!

“Mammoth’s Hand” is a slower paced track, unlike “Aftermath”, the first single from the upcoming album…or 99.8% of the band’s entire two decades-long catalogue. The song sounds so much like something from Nightbringers that I was immediately under the impression the Brandon Ellis wrote the music, especially with his short intro solo before Brain Eschbach begins singing. Turns out I was wrong, and Ryan actually wrote this one. And that very much excites me because it’s partially what I’ve been waiting for.

The song’s slower tempo allows the guitars to breathe, allowing you to hear every note being played. The arrangement is perfection. There’s a short section where the tempo is double timed (that means the tempo is faster for you non-musos). The syncopated break in the middle makes it so much more badass. The solo kicks in at the 2:22 mark and it’s played by non-other than Ryan Motherfucking Knight! It’s dripping with emotion, aggression, feel, harmonies, everything I loved about his solos during his initial run with the band. His and Brandon’s styles are very similar. Think the primary difference is Brandon’s sound is a little more razor sharp than Ryan’s, and his bends are just a tad more extreme than even Ryan’s. I did recently compare Ryan to a modern-day Andy LaRoque after all!

Ok, now for the lyrics. I need to start this off by admitting that I apparently dug way too deep for my own good when dissecting the lyrics to “Aftermath”. I took it as a statement on crawling back after tragedy. Nope. It really was just about Zombies and the end of the Earth after it was hit by a meteor. Turns out that as a lyricist, Brian is nowhere near as dark as Trevor was. Either that or since this was his first go around as the primary lyricist, he decided to just have fun with it. I can’t say I blame Brian at all. So, where in the past the lyrics were as dark and deranged as you’d expect from any Death Metal band, yet the videos were fun, the lyrics won’t be serious at all in this new era of The Black Dahlia Murder.

Take the lyrics to “Mammoth’s Hand”. Brian revealed that they were literally inspired by the early 1980’s cult flick, The Beastmaster. Did you click on the link to see the trailer for that? Is it not gloriously schlocky? Although like many schlocky movies, this one had one hot ass chick. RIP Tanya Roberts.

Yeah, she was hot. The titties are smaller than what I’d usually prefer, but she sure was easy on the eyes. I’d fuck her.

Anyway, the lyrics to “Mammoth’s Hand’s”, according to Brian, were inspired by one particular scene in the movie. As for Brian own performance, I actually liked it better than even his performance on “Aftermath”. The slower tempo allows him to play around with nuances and explore more of his own dynamics. He actually sounded more like a Black Metal vocalist here, as far as I can tell.

Again, this isn’t the first time we’ve ever heard the Black Dahlia Murder slow it down, and I really like this one. I’m leaving here the link to pre-order Servitude, which comes out next month. I already pre-ordered it, and you should too. If there was ever a time to support The Black Dahlia Murder, THIS is that time. BUY THE FUCKING RECORD!

I absolutely give “Mammoth’s Hand” 5 out of 5 middle fingers.

The Black Dahlia Murder – Aftermath

The wait is over. I don’t have much else to say expect it was one agonizing wait. It’s not the first time a band chose to continue with a different singer, but there were clearly going to be implications here. The Black Dahlia Murder, the single most important Death Metal band in the last twenty years were about to release their first new song since the death of Trevor Strnad devastated the entire underground community, leaving many of us – myself included! – feeling that this was the end, and that with just one original member remaining, The Black Dahlia Murder’s days were fucking numbered. They were cooked as far as I was concerned.

That’s why, after several months of the surviving members keeping their cards close to their chest – and who could blame them? – they shocked us all again by using Decibel Magazine to announce the return of ex-guitarist Ryan Knight alongside current guitarist Brandon Ellis, and the even bigger surprise in which founding guitarist Brian Eschbach would leave his position to become the new lead singer. For context, no shit he did many of the backing vocals over the decades. But this was different. In a sense, it was probably wise to keep shit like this in-house. But regardless of how much Brian has written over time, and with the possible knowledge that one cannot simply emulate another person’s vocal style, filling his own departed singer’s shoes would not be easy.

And that’s putting it lightly.

That’d be comparable to expecting William DuVall to sound just like Layne Staley. It would never be possible and even if he somehow pulled it off, it’d be considered phony, and Alice in Chains would’ve folded yet again, this time for good.

So here we are. The Black Dahlia Murder has released their new song, “Aftermath”, off their upcoming album, Servitude, to be released on September 27th, and I intentionally waited until I was finished with my morning Leg Day in the gym before I listened to this. I needed to be able to just sit, listen, and take notes without any distractions. Thanks to everyone who read and heeded my Instagram story request and didn’t tell me a damn thing. I needed to be able to hear “Aftermath” with an open mind, no preconceived notions. It was the only way I could give such an anticipated song a fair review.

Aftermath

The opening few seconds bring the sounds of an incoming storm. Before the 7 second mark even hits the new lineup kicks into full gear like there is no tomorrow, and it sounds like classic Black Dahlia, but with the awareness that this time they all have far too much to prove. It’s only eight seconds later the Brian begins to sing. Upon listening to him you can already hear that this is the same man that’s performed backing vocals for years both on record and live. It’s here that you can tell that he’s not out to emulate someone as emotional and dynamic as Trevor. Yeah, I said emotional, because that’s partially what made his performances stand out as they did. Anyone can growl. Anyone can scream. Anyone can combine the two. But few can give it the character Trevor Strnad did for nine albums. Ironically, while Brian Eschbach thankfully isn’t trying to be Trevor, he does sound a lot like him.

As mentioned earlier, the opening riff sounded like classic Black Dahlia, chock full of Carcass-inspired melodies, albeit with far more urgency. Since every musician in the world has their own way of writing, I’m wondering if Brian had a major say in the songwriting for “Aftermath” and perhaps the bulk of the upcoming new album. This would not be to take anything away from the returning Ryan Knight or Brandon Ellis, who quickly became a powerhouse in The Black Dahlia Murder, but I suspect Brian knew there needed to be some sort of familiarity to the music. To circle back to my earlier Alice in Chains comparison, upon writing their 2009 comeback masterpiece, Black Gives Way to Blue, Jerry Cantrell NEEDED to write nearly everything. That familiarity in the music was the only way anyone would accept any new music from the band, and he knew it.

The lyrics are pretty powerful, sending a message without actually discussing the events of the last two years:

So here we are
You thought you’d seen it all
Still amongst the living after the fall
The burning rock fell from the sky
Laid waste to old world most did die
Roaming the fire
Adapting to ash
Scavenging to survive
Time and pressure
Make us clash
Feeding off each other when we can
The decisions that we make
Beg the question “Are we still human?”

If I were to put myself in the shoes of Brian Eschbach alone, I can imagine feeling every negative emotion I felt listening to Unhallowed for the first time, only multiplied by infinity. I can imagine that as he’s making decisions he never thought he’d have to make, he had to wonder many days and subsequent months, if this was real or if this was all a fucking nightmare? Again, I alone thought the band were fucked.

A decent slowdown arrives at the 1:35 mark. But even with the main, neck-breaking tempo being given a short rest, even the slowdown has urgency, as led by Alan Cassidy’s marching drum pattern. The band kicked back into full gear with the main guitar solo by the returning Ryan Knight. I really missed hearing this man play. It was on his initial 2009 debut with the band, Deflorate, where I declared that The Black Dahlia Murder had become a full-fledged Death Metal band. That’s not to say I didn’t like the preceding three albums from them, but Ryan’s lead playing compared to his predecessor, A decent slowdown arrives at the 1:35 mark. But even with the main, neck-breaking tempo being given a short rest, even the slowdown has urgency, as led by Alan Cassidy’s marching drum pattern. During this slowdown period, we hear the main guitar solo played by the returning Ryan Knight. I really missed hearing this man play. With his wide vibrato and his harmonies, he always reminded me of what King Diamond’s Andy LaRoque would sound like in a true Death Metal setting outside of his solos of Death ‘s Individual Thought Patterns. It was on his initial 2009 debut with the band, Deflorate, where I declared that The Black Dahlia Murder had become a full-fledged Death Metal band. That’s not to say I didn’t like the preceding three albums from them, but Ryan’s lead playing compared to his predecessor, John Kempainen was truly night and day. I initially thought that Brandon was not to be heard on this track at all. But I now know that he actually plays the bulk of the solo. Strange how that works. It’s a remind that the two actually have VERY similar styles. Whoops! After that amazing solo, the speed picks up again, blast beats abound. With one minute to go in the song, the band, Brian especially, are going to make sure they make their message loud and clear. Brian is beginning to sound even more slobbish here, harsher, angrier, more distraught as if he knows he’s almost finished, but he has more to say and he NEEDS us all to hear him.

The song ends abruptly.

My Thoughts

After a distressing, two-year wait there are many things I can say about “Aftermath”. One of my Instagram followers told me he found his listening experience to be overwhelming. I couldn’t agree more. There was too much on the line here for The Black Dahlia Murder to fuck this up. With a run time of three minutes and one second, the band did exactly what they needed to do. They wasted zero time with the introduction, they reintroduced themselves in a timely fashion, dynamics being used to perfection, and they ended it on a literal high note, making me at least wish there was a tad more. “Aftermath” isn’t just a song, this was statement. It NEEDED to be a statement. It NEEDED to send a clear message, and it did.

I give “Aftermath” five out of five middle fingers.

Lift With Hatred Merchandise Is Out Now!

This has been a long time coming.

I initially thought of the idea during my earliest days on the social media cesspool that is Instagram. It literally just popped in my head while thinking of hashtags in my earliest posts. Then after a while, I began pondering what the phrase “LIFT WITH HATRED” would look like on a shirt, or even a gym style stringer. I hope to have THAT made one day!

It then was a long, on again-off again process between not knowing my ass from my elbow with design programs and personal shit over the last few years. My favorite was when an old friend, who I’ve mentioned on here three times already and will not name in this article, volunteered his services to help me with a design based on a picture I gave him, only to vanish out of my life without warning. So, I just recently decided to stop waiting around for nothing and just went for it.

If you’re reading this, the Lift with Hatred clothing line is FINALLY available, and you can click here to see the designs I came up with. You’ll see five different variants of the Lift with Hatred slogan available in t-shirt form, along with option of buying pins, hoodies, posters, coasters and even a gym duffel bag! Get a shirt and wear it to the gym for your next Deadlift PR, or even your next concert. Get a pin and put it on your denim vest (the term battle jacket is fucking gay). Get a poster and a tape that shit on your wall over your couch. Spread the fucking word!

Also, I have started a Lift With Hatred IG account. If you buy any merch, make sure to take pictures of yourself wearing my merch, pissing on it, fucking like two dogs on the street over my shirts, setting them ablaze on a dumpster fire, etc, and tag the Lift with Hatred IG account to be featured on the page!

So, here we are. Ask yourself, “Do I have what it takes?” Do you? Do you have what it takes to be real? Are you realistic enough to know that only YOU can change yourself? Do you look in the mirror and hate what you see so much that you’ll do whatever it takes to not be a weak, fat piece of fucking shit? Do you have what it takes to take channel your anger and to give yourself the single most intense bench day you’ve ever had in the gym? Do you have what it takes to proudly be yourself and not give two shits about what anyone else thinks of you?

If you said “yes” to any of this, click here now, and show that you belong…

Random Memories of Trevor

It had to be sometime in early 2003. I was on a bus heading home, and, while I still had probably fifteen more minutes before I reached my destination, I pulled out the latest issue of Revolver Magazine from my backpack. If memory serves me correctly, the magazine included a one-page section highlighting recommended up-and-coming bands. There were three bands, one definitely was Himsa (fucking absolute vomit!), and the only other band I remembered was some band called The Black Dahlia Murder, whose music the magazine categorized as “Megadeth Metal”.

That’s not a joke.

Time would go on and a whole year and a half would pass before I finally came across Unhallowed, The Black Dahlia Murder’s 2003 debut album, probably in Sam Goody. I remember that this was also the same day that I bought the very denim jacket that I’d cut the sleeves off of to make a vest out of.

Unrelated note: Don’t ever use the term “Battle Jacket” to describe your denim vest with patches and buttons and spikes on it. Or go ahead and do so and be as retarded as everyone else that uses the fucking stupid term.

Anyway, my dad drove me home, as I still didn’t have a car yet. I opened up Unhallowed and looked at the cover. What’s in a name? What’s in a cover image? In the early days of mp3 downloading and, with a whole decade to go before Spotify existed, I still bought CDs, and still do so to this day. Therefore, the only way to find out what any band sounded like, was to either download a track or two, or to simply BUY the album. I popped the album into my five-disc changer and the following two tracks fucked me up.

The music in this video is actually the opening instrumental title track to the record and it breaks right into “Funeral Thirst”, so it made sense to just post the video instead of two separate links of any kind.

Either way, upon hearing those two tracks now I remember EXACTLY what stood out to me those most. The music alone was not just balls-out heavy, but those minor chord harmonies happened to make me feel every single negative emotion I ever knew or felt in my entire life. I wanted to cry, I wanted to die, I wanted to choke anyone I could get my hands on. It was hopeless. It was beautiful.

Then I heard that fucking voice. It was like nothing I had heard at the time. It was a hell of a lot more screetchy than most Death Metal bands I’d heard, with the sole exception of Chuck’s vocals on The Sound of Perseverance, Death’s last record. He hit the traditional guttural style as well and I realized that he was using the two styles for the sake of a dynamic that was not there at the time. It changed things up in all the songs and it fucking made things far more exciting.

Clearly whoever described this band as “Megadeth Metal” in Revolver Magazine a year earlier must’ve been either high or just absolutely clueless. The Black Dahlia Murder, especially as made evident in their latter-day releases were more like the greatest Carcass disciples you’ve ever heard!

This was just the beginning of a long ride for the band for the better part of two decades, two decades that would especially see Trevor Strnad standout among the traditional Death Metal frontman stereotype. As serious as he was in the video posted above, his sense of fun and humor would become FAR more prevalent not just in the videos the band would make in the coming years, but in his persona onstage. The best thing about it all was Trevor manage to balance this act out to the point that his goofiness NEVER took away from the band’s or his onstage intensity. He never took himself seriously and that connected with all of us because we knew it was genuine.

But to be clear, his lyrics were as Death Metal, and as brutal as it got. He’s a line or two from “Christ Deformed”, one of my ALL TIME favorite TBDM tracks:

Diabolic ritual open the portal to damnation
Dark legions gathering for virtuous insemination
Molest and sodomize deride the seed of god’s creation
Impale the Nazarene succumb to a spiritual inversion

In our unholy father’s disgusting house of shame
We revel in endless hatred burning so absolute
Corrupting all who’d enter here surrender to darkness
We kneel to those no more who’d burden and beguilt

Within these wretched walls a summoning proceeds
What form will manifest of this abysmal devilry
The children now are bleeding, we eunuchate his sons
To evil blood and fire this earth will soon succumb
With hell reborn
Your Christ be scorned
Dead faith now torn
His love deformed

That’s why I intentionally waited before I wrote this piece. It was hard to let sink in, that not only is Trevor gone, but to think about how it just might’ve happened. But much like with my tribute to Chris Cornell, I will NOT discuss what happened. Enough people have written about that, and we still haven’t a clue as to the whole story. But I, like most fans of The Black Dahlia Murder, have memories of meeting Trevor and even talking with him at length. Things like this, along with his ability to ACTUALLY HAVE FUN are truly why he’s the single most important Death Metal frontman in DECADES. While my memories aren’t as amazing as others, they meant something to me then, and they without question mean something to me now. So, I’ll share them.

It was the summer of 2006, and I traveled with two friends (one of which eventually got what was coming to him via a heart attack) to the Starland Ballroom in Sayreville, NJ for the Sounds of The Underground Tour, which included The Black Dahlia Murder, GWAR, Behemoth (and you bet your ass I met Nergal on this day!) and several others. I walked by TBDM’s merch table when I noticed a tall, flabby looking guy with a tattoo that read “HEARTBURN” across his belly. It was Trevor. I walked up to him and introduced myself when he replied, “talk a walk with me for a second”.

“Do me a favor, will ya?”, he asked me, as we walked. “We’re shooting a video for “Statutory Ape” today, and I need you and everybody else in that crowd to go fuckin’ crazy. Can you do that for me?” “Fuck yeah!” I immediately said. Hours later, the band walked on stage and Trevor immediately called out the entire crowd “C’MON YOU PUSSIES!!!!”, as they grinded out “I’m Charming” off Miasma, the same record that includes “Statutory Ape”. Sorry to say that no, I wasn’t crazy enough to be a part of that pit, but once Trevor called them out all bets were off.

My last memory didn’t involve a request to sacrifice myself in the pit, no. I traveled to the now defunct B.B. King’s in Times Square, New York Shitty (I said what I said), to see TBDM along with Hate Eternal and 3 inches Of Blood in January 2008. There might have been one other band on the bill, but I forgot who it was. Anyway, my friends and I arrived at B.B.’s and almost immediately I spotted Trevor at the bar. He looked a lot like he did two years prior, funny looking shorts, topless, hair all disheveled. I walked up to him again and he laughed as we reminisced over our previous meeting.

We parted ways after that, and he eventually found his way backstage. But what I always remembered about both those times was that he made himself accessible. It’s a story we’d ALL go on to hear about him over the years. He always hung out with the fans. Upon moving to Brooklyn (and I’ve to this day no idea why he’d do that to himself!), he apparently hung out at St. Vitus on the regular and would support the local bands and talk with everybody there. He even wrote a column for Metal Injection where he’d recommend underground Extreme Metal bands.

I don’t know many other frontmen of legend status like Trevor’s who’d do all those things. We might not ever completely know what happened to the charismatic (that word doesn’t even do it justice!) frontman of THE single most important Death Metal band of this century so far. But he left an UNDENIABLE mark that can never be removed. There will never be another frontman as genuine as Trevor Strnad.

RIP Trevor Strnad 1981 – 2022

Black Label Society Live At The Wellmont Theater…Or Why Zakk Wylde Is An Icon, November 10th, 2021

I’ll make no bones about it: I idolize the shit out of Zakk Wylde. I’ve done so probably since I first got my hands on Ozzy’s 1995 album Ozzmosis. His guitar was LOUD. His speed picking style added muscularity to his playing. His vibrato was wide and unusually vocal. Those fucking pinch harmonics. Then there’s his songwriting. Zakk will never deny that he’s a disciple of Black Sabbath, and he’ll let it shine, but with his own, explosive twist.

Upon learning that Black Label Society were arriving in my neck of the woods I knew I’d be there. I hadn’t seen Zakk since I went to see Zakk Sabbath, his Black Sabbath tribute band at the Starland Ballroom in Sayreville, NJ. But this time he’d be not even twenty minutes away from me, AND he’s promoting Doom Crew, Inc., Black Label’s first album in over three years.

Considering he’s been calling his band and his LOYAL followers the Doom Crew, Inc. for YEARS, I’m very surprised he never gave that title to an earlier album. Either way, here’s my take on last night’s show, with featured openers Prong and Death Metal legends Obituary.

Prong

Before I continue I want to make clear that I didn’t take countless photos of every band. I took a necessary few and then I’d enjoy the show like a normal person pre-smart phones.

Having said that, I’d suspected Prong would be the first band. Therefore, I absolutely took my time getting to the show, making sure to eat while on the way. Upon my arrival to the Wellmont Theater, Prong were most likely halfway through with their set. That made me happy because ladies, Prong sucks. That “New York style” of playing nonchalant, almost Hardcore sounding music never appealed to me. I honestly found it annoying and self-righteous, and still do. The single most annoying thing about the band last night?

Any time Tommy Victor opened his mouth.

The irony of my being a native of New York City who hates that fucking accent. Any time he talked, any time he sang, the irritation grew stronger. And I could tell that a good chunk of last night’s audience had to have come from any of the five boroughs (mostly Staten Island and Brooklyn if I were to guess). I really got annoyed when he was introducing “Snap Your Fingers, Snap Your Neck”, Prong’s signature song.

“Come on ev’rybody! SNAP YA FINGIZZZ!”, he yelled out while attempting to open up a pit in the general admission section. I had a really good view from my balcony seat and I really wish I was able to shoot him in the face. His accent was that fucking obnoxious!

Obituary

I have to admit, while I am clearly familiar with Obituary, I never really delved too much into their catalog. I do remember my college radio station receiving their 2005 comeback album, Frozen In Time, in which they managed to get Randy Burns out of retirement to produce it. I guess it matches the album title, huh? I did hear upon buying tickets to this show that the band were really kicking ass every night. Now I was actually looking forward to seeing this for myself and, thankfully, I was not disappointed.

I’d made two videos because I’d accidentally stop filming during their instrumental opener in which vocalist John Tardy has yet to come out. I then noticed that the bassist looked awful familiar to me. As I’d previously mentioned, I don’t follow them. Therefore, I’d zero clue that Terry Butler had apparently been the band’s bassist since 2010. For those of you who don’t know, Terry also played bass for Massacre and, subsequently, Death’s second and third albums, 1989’s Leprosy and 1990’s Spiritual Healing. He’d later backstab Chuck Schuldiner when he and the rest of Death toured Europe without Chuck’s permission or knowledge.

Obituary were filled with endless energy. John Tardy’s screech vocals were just as badass as they ever were. Their version of Death Metal is decidedly more on the Thrash side, not as technical as Death were. I wonder if that’s why I didn’t care too much for them. I never hated them.

They did surprise the shit out of me when the pulled out an absolutely badass cover of Celtic Frost’s classic “Circle Of Tyrants”. Overall I was very impressed.

Black Label Society

As Obituary were finishing, BLS’s crew raised a big curtain adorning the band’s logo…as in before Obituary even walked off stage. That was weird. Either way you knew that once the band got on stage the curtain would drop, blah blah, blah.

After a decent wait time, the lights finally dimmed, followed by an audio mashup of Ozzy’s “War Pigs” vocals over the music to Led Zeppelin’s “Whole Lotta Love”. At the end the band hit a quick staccato ending that’d segue into the beginning pulses of “Bleed For Me”. It was once the song kicked into full gear that the big curtain finally dropped to show Zakk and his co-guitarist, Dario Lorina performing Zakk’s signature sideways headbang in unison.

The Setlist

  • Bleed For Me (1919 Eternal)
  • Demise Of Sanity (1919 Eternal)
  • Overlord (Order Of The Black)
  • Heart Of Darkness (Catacombs Of The Black Vatican)
  • A Love Unreal (Grimmest Hits)
  • The Blessed Hellride (The Blessed Hellride)
  • Spoke In The Wheel (Sonic Brew) *
  • In This River (Mafia) *
  • Trampled Down Below (Grimmest Hits)
  • Destruction Overdrive (The Blessed Hellride)
  • Set You Free (Doom Crew, Inc.)
  • Fire It Up (Mafia)
  • Suicide Messiah (Mafia)
  • Stillborn (The Blessed Hellride)

* For these tracks Zakk sat behind his electric piano while Dario handled the leads.

This was my seventh time seeing Black Label since Ozzfest 2004 and my eighth time seeing Zakk overall. And he never appears to lose energy, ESPECIALLY now that he’s been sober for twelve years. I first noticed his playing style change a lot upon seeing him in 2011, my first time seeing him in his sober state. He was also very willing to give Dario multiple chances throughout the night to show off his own abilities, something I noticed the first time I saw Dario with the band at the Rock Carnival in 2015. On the track “Set You Free” off the new record, Zakk actually TRADES SOLOS WITH DARIO. Zakk NEVER let Nick Catanese do that. In fact, Nick is NOWHERE to be found on any Black Label albums from their debut through the time he left in 2014.

He’s now a registered sex offender.

The biggest surprise to me came during “Fire It Up”. Before they ended the song, Zakk, in place of his usual solo spot (where he makes every guitarist in the audience want to quit), he traded solos with Dario for ten, maybe fifteen minutes. I’m not just talking lick after lick. The two even HARMONIZED together, while Zakk stood on top of his piano. They’d even harmonize during their signature live intro to “Stillborn”, the band’s show closer for the longest time.

At the end of the show, he stood up on the gig box in the middle of the stage, took off his Black Label vest, and held it up nice and high before walking off…because Zakk never plays encores.

Ever.

I genuinely don’t know of many musicians who can say with legitimacy or integrity that they’re able to get even better as live performers with age. Regardless of how long it had been since I last saw Zakk in any capacity, he’s ALWAYS stepping up his game. Black Label Society were absolutely flawless last night. Zakk himself was absolutely FLAWLESS and he, once again, demonstrated why he’s not only an excellent, yet criminally underrated, showman, but a fucking guitar GOD who will NEVER be matched.

He’s an entity unto himself. I’ve heard idiots bitch about his playing style or smirk and say that there are guitarists that are far better than him, that “he’s not that good”. I can’t help but laugh every time because being a great guitarist will always be more than just having technical skill. Being an expert in playing gay ass sweep arpeggios won’t ever make you a standout player in any genre, let alone Heavy Metal. It’s about finding the style that suits you and practicing that style so much that it becomes second nature.

Flawlessness.

It’s about finding a style that helps you to STAND THE FUCK OUT. That’s what Zakk did. When Ozzy bitched during the 1987 auditions that found Zakk replacing Jake E. Lee that “If I want Yngwie Malmsteen, I’ll just call him!”, Zakk got the hint real quick and found the one thing no one else was doing. Those other guys may be technically DAZLING. But do they stand out? Are they known to more than just the underground? Is their playing as memorable as it is heavy or technically brilliant?

Probably not.

That’s why Zakk Wylde literally is an icon.

Album Of The Year 2017

There were lot of brutal albums that came out this year, from just about all forms of Extreme Metal.  I knew by June that it’d be difficult to chose just one.  It was so bad that I even put out an Instagram poll – in which just one person voted…which is why this year’s Album Of The Year…is actually a tie.  One of these two is a record I had already reviewed over the summer, and the other one is a record that took me by surprise, not because I didn’t expect this one in particular to be any good – oh I did! – but the increase in songwriting quality and atmosphere absolutely blew me the fuck away.  So let’s get started:

Municipal Waste – Slime And Punishment

I reviewed this record back in August, by which point it had been out for a few months.  Here’s the link:

https://metalheadconfessions.com/2017/08/03/municipal-waste-slime-and-punishment/

But in short, Municipal Waste are BACK.  Five years away plus the addition of additional guitarist Nick Poulos to beef up their sound, did the band way more good that I ever expected.  The album sounds fresh compared their previous albums, 2009’s Massive Aggressive and especially 2012’s The Fatal Feast, a seeming desperate attempt by the band to be more of a Crossover act.

The songs are all perfectly quick and to the point, with the longest one clocking in at just over three minutes.  The guitars are way beefier, and singer Tony Foresta found the perfect vocal approach, using the same high pitched scream he’s used for the last few Iron Reagan albums.  Bottom like:  With Slime And Punishment, Municipal Waste found a formula that absolutely works for them, one that’s focused yet reckless at the same time.  Let’s just hope they keep this for a bit, eh?

Key Tracks: Breathe Grease, Enjoy The Night, Shrednecks, Parole Violators, Poison The Preacher, Under The Waste Command, Think Fast

The Black Dahlia Murder – Nightbringers

See the source image

The other album that blew me away.  I was dead set on making the Municipal Waste record my album of the year until this past October.  The Black Dahlia Murder went through a possibly band shattering change two years ago when lead guitar Ryan Knight left the band just a month after the release of Abysmal and after four albums with the band.  As far as I’m concerned, Ryan’s playing is what turned The Black Dahlia Murder into a full fledged Death Metal band.  In his place they hired Brandon Ellis of Arsis, marking the second time the band has poached anyone from Arsis – which is fine because Arsis are absolutely fucking BORING.  I never thought technical guitars with a black metal vocal could get so stale so fucking fast!

When I heard the band were releasing a new album I expected it to be good, until I heard this:

Oh fuck!  I knew the band were Carcass disciples but I’ve never heard Trevor Strnad sound so much like Jeff Walker until this moment.  Same with the music, it honestly sounds like the band’s best interpretation of Carcass during their early 90’s peak.  A lot of the credit here goes to guitarist Brian Esbach, the only other remaining original member of the band, for seemingly NEVER forgetting where he came from and NEVER straying away from what has essentially become his signature songwriting style.  You can hear any song from the band and know instantly who you’re listening too.

As mentioned earlier, BDM are essentially disciples of the old school and Nightbringers, at times, is without question equal parts Carcass and even Domination-era Morbid Angel – and if you’ve read this blog in the past you know I love that album!  Tracks such as “Matriarch”, “Widowmaker”, “Of God And Serpent, Of Spectre And Snake”, “Catacomb Hecatomb”, “As Good As Dead”, are absolute balls to the wall musical masterpieces that, while calling on the band’s obvious musical influences, enhance the band’s own signature style, one that seems to easily convey every single negative emotion I could think of.  I own every single BDM album going back to Unhallowed and that album was THE last time the band made me feel every negative emotion I knew of.  That was fourteen years ago, by the way.

I love reading the lyrics sheets to these albums.  Trevor Strnad’s lyrics at times are either straight out sadistic and very Poe-ish.  Take for example these lines from “Kings Of The Nightworld”: Enshrouded in ebony mystery/Blacker than the darkest pitch/A bond of blood to death an drek/Seeking to defile everything which bears his name we will/Destroy you all the same sucking each vein we shall corrupt and dismantle/waging a war without end until/The head of the one fettered Christ doth sate/Our lust for revenge…”.  Trevor never seems to run out of inspiration from the dark side.

So why was this a tie along with ‘Waste for Album Of The Year?  Consistency.  They never strayed to far from what works; they also have a unique signature sound that can reach out to more people than most modern Death Metal bands today.  It’s the reason why Nightbringers was the biggest pre-ordered album in the history of Metal Blade Records.  It’s the reason it’s a tie for my Album Of The Year.

Key Tracks: Of God And Serpant, Of Spectre And Snake; Matriarch; Jars; Kings Of The Nightworld; As Good As Dead; The Lonely Deceased

Honorable Mention

Morbid Angel – Kingdoms Disdained

See the source image

Speaking of Morbid Angel!  I want to make it clear right now – if this came out earlier than it did it would’ve easily knocked off both ‘Waste and Black Dahlia for Album Of The Year without me hesitating.  But I couldn’t write this post without mentioning Kingdoms Disdained.  This is literally THE record no one saw coming regardless of how excited people were to hear Steve Tucker rejoined the band nearly three years ago.

I actually wrote an article on the situation at the time, debating whether David Vincent or Trey Azagthoth himself were to blame for that last pile of shit Morbid Angel released an it could’ve gone either way.  Yeah, David is now a completely different person, but apparently Try is actually into techno.  But with David’s departure, as well as the release of this track, it’s easy to see who wasn’t to blame after all:

Oh yeah.  This right out the gate reminded me of something off Covenant…but with Steve on vocals instead of David.  It’s absolutely brutal from beginning to end, chock full of polyrhythms, time signature changes, and the single most angry performance I’ve ever heard from Steve Tucker as a vocalist.  Sounds to me like he felt the need to make a statement after being gone for twelve years!

Another great addition to the band is new drummer Scott Fuller.  On tracks such as “For No Master”, “Paradigms Warped”, and “Architect And Iconoclast”, Scott shows that not only can he channel the legendary Pete Sandoval’s double bass expertise, but he also has his own feel and style.  That’s important because…there’s only ONE Pete Sandoval.  Back behind the controls for this one as former Morbid Angel and current Hate Eternal guitarist Erik Rutan.  I wonder if he was intentionally trying to give Morbid as much of a bare bones sound as possible because this doesn’t sound like any of the other bands he’s produced over the years.

What I’m thrilled about most, as I’m sure most fans are, is hearing Trey rip it up in a way we haven’t heard in a long ass time.  His solos remind me of the late Jeff Hanneman’s at times, always have.  Oh yeah, there’s structure.  But in that structure is so much dissonance and chaos, yet it all fits perfectly every single time.  Not many guitarists can pull that one off.  As one of my Instagram followers put it recently “thank fuck they are back!”.  And more so than even ‘Waste, lets hope they keep this up!

Key tracks: Piles Of Little Arms, For No Master, Architect And Iconoclast, From The Hand Of Kings

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Giving The Devil His Good Name Back – The Metal Mike Show, September 9th 2004

In my very first post here I briefly mentioned that I used to DJ for my college radio station.  Hell, that show, without question is the precursor to this blog because it gradually became my first platform to just talk shit AND not get in trouble for it.  But that’s a story for another time because how I got this fucking show so easily requires a bit of a back story anyway.  Oh, by the way, I won’t be mentioning which station it is because I don’t feel like giving anyone any undeserved attention.

So, I decided to give my station a shot in April, 2004, thinking I wanted to be a DJ.  I liked the idea of being able to play music and not be seen.  To this day it’s amazing how UGLY some of the top DJ’s in the country really are.  But since they sound great who the fuck cares?  I went through two meetings, one with the personnel director and the second with the station’s chief engineer…part super genius…part angry, bitter, and an all around asshole.  If Gregory House was a real person he’d be this guy! What made me laugh inside was in despite only being in his mid-30’s, the combination of his skullet and his awful 70’s looking moustache made this fucker look like an ex-member of the Doobie Brothers.

If I’m not mistaken I took the test a good week later and passed with just two wrong answers.  I originally chose to join the Music Department because that meant I could review records for play as well as maybe even dictate what got played at all, the first CD I ever reviewed being Black Label Society’s low key masterpiece, Hangover Music, Vol.6, which I was also able to burn and leave at the station while I took the original copy home.   But long story short the director at the time let no one do anything with her, frustrating me, so I joined the Engineering Department.  I had wanted to join Production but, at the time, it was mandated that you couldn’t do shit in production unless you knew how to run the board properly.

Some time goes by, the middle of summer arrives, and I was approached by the newly appointed engineering director about being his assistant.  Why?  Neither he or anyone else wanted the only other person around to be involved because that’s how lowly they all thought of him.  We’re talking a really nice guy too.  And there you have it, proof that even college radio isn’t clean of slimy politics!  So, from then on until I left for good in early 2007 I was the Assistant Engineering Director of my station.  But of course there was something else I wanted, and part of the process I didn’t even have to go through.

While I had applied for a show to start in the fall semester, I didn’t have to make an audition tape, and all because I was an engineer.  In other words, I already knew how to operate the board.  Before I was told that was even getting my first show I was approached by another DJ from the Production Department about covering him because he wasn’t able to get out of work.  It was easy enough, his show had a specific format which he wrote down for me – all I had to do was follow the bullet points.  So there I was, fresh from sitting in with the two BEST DJs in the whole station at that time – both actually being alumni volunteers at that point – and DJing my first show.

It was a little nerve wracking, I was already engineering and cohosting someone else’s public service show on Mondays for a month at this point, but this was the first time I was on my own.  After reading off the most important bullet point of this guy’s show he surprised me by calling me up.  I didn’t think he was listening but here this guy was telling me that I “rock”, and even complimenting my voice.  And after I finished up, that angry chief engineer – who can still go suck a dick and die – even told me he liked my voice.

Thursday, September 9th, 2004.  This day would see the launch of the Metal Mike Show at 4pm.  My then guitarist, Chad, jokingly suggested I call myself Metal Mike.  A manager of mine at work suggested Iron Mike, but some at the station just didn’t like it.  For a few weeks prior to this I had hand drawn ads and plastered them all over the walls of every single building on campus, as well as on the walls of music stores where I lived and even in places in Manhattan, especially the now defunct Manny’s Music on w 47th St.  The guy whose show I covered for read the script for my station promo and immediately asked if he could read it on mic.  It was hysterical hearing him read “It’s time to give the devil his good name back…Hell never sounded so good!”, with as much bass as he could get out of his voice.

With two hours to go I began writing down my playlist for the next three hours, trying to find a balance between the music I wanted to play and the music I’d be required to play.  There were two other metal DJ’s who happily pigeonholed themselves to two extremes, one to Black Metal so underground the bands themselves don’t even know if their demo tape is even circulating, and another guy that loved to cater to his drunk following in England, playing nothing but Swedish Melodic Metal and Power Metal.  Power Metal…GAY.  I wanted to be the balance between those two guys, being a fan of almost all types of Metal…expect Power Metal or anything related to it.  I’d like to think I did a good job with that over the next two plus years.

Ten minutes to go.  I walked in to the On-Air room where another DJ was getting ready to wrap things up, this was on of the two people I sat in with.  Now this woman had an incredible radio voice.  She’ll be oh so shy talking to you but when she’s on air she gets so sensual to the point that you’d think it was a different person.  Looking on the instant messenger on the computer screen I already had to messages.  One was from my dad, who had tuned in on his office computer to hear me, the other being some jackass in the station busting my balls “I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY ACTUALLY GAVE YOU A SHOW!”  I think I know who it was.   She left, I played a few PSA’s to get settled in, my show’s promo, followed by my favorite station ID track…and off we go!

I had Ozzy open up my show with “Miracle Man” off his classic 1988 album, No Rest For The Wicked.  This was Zakk Wylde’s recording debut with him and I was such a Zakk fanboy at the time.  Also, that opening riff is just huge!  Nerves hitting me so hard, I couldn’t help but practically scream right into the mic once the song ended.  I knew I needed to calm down but I was so nervous I just couldn’t stop myself!  After screaming out the station’s phone number for requests I immediately but on Death’s “Bite The Pain”, a request for one of those two metal DJ’s I mentioned before.  I tried to do everything I could to calm myself down.  It took awhile but as time went on I got a bit more comfortable…until someone came to check on me.

It was 6pm, two hours down, one to go.  Someone asked me how I was doing and as soon as I said ok it went downhill.  I put on Black Sabbath’s “Fairies Wear Boots”, only for it to start skipping.  So I quickly put “Sabbath Bloody Sabbath” on the second CD player…and THAT started skipping.  So I pulled out Metallica’s …And Justice For All CD, put on “To Live Is To Die”…and THAT began skipping.  FUCK!  I had no choice but I go back on air and try to save myself.  Luckily for me, the rest of the show went off without a hitch before the next DJ came to relieve me.  All in all I had fun; I clearly had a lot of work to do as far as calming my nerves so I don’t scream into the mic, but this was the beginning of a time that would consume the next two years of my life.

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