Helix Nebula – The Last Lights Of A Dying Universe

Posted on July 26, 2016August 17, 2016 by Mike

For my second Underground Review I was approached by Prog Death band Helix Nebula of Riva Vaciamadrid, Spain about checking out there first full-length album, The Last Lights Of A Dying Universe. They released a digital five track EP, The Beginning Of Time, back in 2013 and they recently played a show with Feel No Pain, whose four track demo I reviewed not too long ago.

I seriously think I’m going to edit my original post on looking for underground bands to mention that I really don’t want to be bothered if a band has an intro track. Bands, it’s old, it’s been done a million times and all you’re doing is wasting valuable time that I can never get back. Oh, and if your engineer or producer did it fire his dumb ass right away. Time is money. Just stop it!!!

Now to the music! Upon hearing “God Is God?” I instantly think modern day Dream Theater, with the delay drenched alternate picking line. And by the way no I’m not a fan of Dream Theater. The band kicks in…Death Metal growling? Ok, no problem, I am a Death Meal fan anyway. Now it’s starting to sound like a cross between the band I mentioned and Opeth. This song seems to go back a forth between the luscious clean parts that would make the knuckleheads in DT real proud, and Opeth during the heaviest moments on their landmark album, Blackwater Park. Mike Vera is really good at doing a low rumble into a demonic scream. I really don’t like how the song ends though, a little to anticlimactic, too soft, even with the quieter ending.

As the album progresses that sound remains very consistent, something lots of Progressive-bands have a major problem doing. I think the only issue I’m starting to have now is that there are times where I feel that the growling isn’t necessary. Sure, I did say I like it, but it just doesn’t fit everywhere, especially with the catchiness of some of the chorus’s I’m hearing. I’m really liking some of the guitar solos, especially on “Night Angel”, where I think different vocal approaches could’ve definitely been used. I definitely can envision screaming in the choruses to offset the growls during the versus, otherwise it just sounds stale. One of the things I used to love about a band like Into Eternity is not only could Stu Block growl, he could scream even higher than fucking Halford AND sing beautifully.

Paula Shultz’s guest vocals on “Dawn Of War” are absolutely breathtaking. After that this becomes the fastest song on the album so far. I’d honestly like for the band to do more of this in the future. Nice guitar harmonies, reminds me of “Flash Of The Blade”, one of my favorite Iron Maiden tracks. Although, like “God Is God?” it could’ve had a more badass ending. I feel like it needed to have it.

An interlude? Really guys? Is this necessary?? No it’s not! Another time killer that’s old and annoying. I really think the last time I found interludes at least amusing was back in the mid-90’s, when I heard the intermission track on Tool’s classic AEnima (they’re totally dead to me after this album) and the intermission on The Offspring’s album Ixnay On The Hombre (yeah it’s punk but it’s album before they sold out COMPLETELY…and I was only thirteen at the time). Point is, you bands need to knock it off with these fucking interludes – stop it!!!!

After a another minute was wasted “Son Of Antares” comes in with a great solid headbang tempo. Around the three minute mark it cools off temporarily before the guitar solo. I really think this was not necessary. And this is usually my biggest problem with prog metal. You all want to mix in all of these elements together in a single song and the problem is it doesn’t always make sense.

“Black Flames Of Chaos” had me throw up the horns right away. Good job guys! This is the most metal track on the entire album from start to finish. But more important than that, it’s the most consistent from start to finish.

Uh oh, I think that clean guitar is a tad out of tune on the closing title track; not the best way to start out the beginning of the end. On top of that, the segue into the heavier section feels very sloppy. As someone who started out as drummer it was really hard to keep track of the beat there. Thankfully, it shapes up more after that. You’ll definitely be able to hear some really consistent thematic changes throughout this ten minute epic, all of which intertwine perfectly. I would’ve loved the solos near the end to have a bit more attitude to them, not necessarily more notes, just more feel to them. And once again the ending leaves way too much to be desired.

All in all this is a decent debut album from Helix Nebula. I mentioned this in my review of Feel No Pain’s demo, but whether you’re making a debut album or demo, you really want to find a way to make it stand out and grab the listener by the fucking throat right at the start of track one – not track two after a pointless intro – track ONE. They are all fantastic musicians but I totally recommend they focus much more on at least streamlining their songs.

Favorite Tracks: Night Angel, Dawn Of War, Black Flames Of Chaos

You can check out Helix Nebula on their bandcamp site by clicking here:

https://helixnebula.bandcamp.com/

“What’s Our Fuckin’ Name?!?!” Anaka Live At Black Bear Bar 7/16/16

Posted on July 20, 2016August 8, 2016 by Mike

Since I’ve moved to New Jersey nearly a year ago I truly don’t have many reasons to go back to New York City…for anything. Dead serious. So when I got an invite from Anaka frontman Jimmy Pallis to see them this past Saturday in Brooklyn, I couldn’t say no. It’d been close to two years since I last saw them at Gramercy Theater so I was a little overdue. Brief history for those of you who don’t know them: The band was started by Jimmy and his guitarist brother Peter in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn in 2000. Since then Anaka has realeased five albums between then and last year, when they released The Unwavering, they’ve had their videos played on MTV (particularly “Rust And Jade” in 2004) and they even wrote a new theme song for The Ultimate Warrior when he made his brief return to wrestling in 2008.

But more important than any of that shit, they’re extremely loyal to their fans and you can tell that they love what they do. If Jimmy and Peter were both willing to drive to my neck of the woods a year ago just to sell little ol’ me a ticket that should tell you something. Jimmy also has a great memory, when he texted me he told me he remembered I was out of state now and offered to mail me my ticket. I forgot I even told him I was gone! Now that I think about it…maybe I told him when he was at my house last time.

Anyway, I’ve also wanted to check out the Black Bear Bar for a while now, just too bad that it had to be in the heart of hipsterland, Williamsburg, Brooklyn. It’s times like this that I wish Williamsburg went back to being a hellhole – it’d probably be a hell of a lot more affordable than it is now. There’s literally real estate there that pricier than even Manhattan nowadays! So here’s how I’m going to do this: there were five bands on the bill and I don’t want to bore the shit out of you with one to two paragraphs on each band so I’m categorizing everybody in the groups, The Great, The Good and The Shitty. Let’s start from the bottom since that’s how the show seemed to progress anyway!

The Shitty

So the first band on was The Crimson Syndicate. The were loud, which did get me interested at first. The singer could growl like a motherfucker. The problems? First off, what is it with bands that have two singers both practically doing the same fucking thing?? It’s one thing to have two singers with completely different roles, like 3 Inches Of Blood did until 2008. Fuck, what’s the point at all? I used to like Scar Symmetry a lot and even played them on my radio show frequently. But when they decided to replace their departing lead singer with two guys I couldn’t help but place my head in my hands. Next, they turned out to be Deathcore. Enough said. Worse? They’re from Staten Island, home to guidos, guinea trash and lots of herion. There’s not a lot of great music in Staten Island – but there are lots of drugs!

The Last Alliance from Queens was next. I won’t be so brutal with them, at least they were tight and on point. But I have no patience for the power/progressive metal shit. Their guitarist did play some badass stuff at times and the singer has a hell of a set of pipes; I will not deny him his due credit. But the lyrical themes were so power metal that at times you could just taste the cheesiness. Another no no for me? Keyboards.

The Good

End All was the first band whose singer had a command over the audience. He had a lot of energy and his voice fit the music perfectly. The band’s music are a little more radio friendly than I’d normally go for but it still was heavy and it didn’t sound phony either. The rhythm section were great. The one thing holding them back from greatness? The guitarist. No, he didn’t suck at all – but his sound sure did. This guy has a Dean Razorback going through a Peavey and I’d love to understand how he can get such a weak sound out of that! It’s a shame because he could’ve easily cut through the band during his solos when the time came and, not that he was inaudible, but he just couldn’t cut through the mix. If you’re THE guitarist in a one guitar band there’s no reason why you shouldn’t be able to be heard. He was great but he should either work on the sound he’s getting out of that Peavey head or get an overdrive pedal to use just for solos, like an Ibanez Tubescreamer or a Boss Super Overdrive (I actually own both of these and love them!).

The Great

Proxima Control impressed me very much. It’s hard to describe their sound. It’s really heavy yet really melodic. At first I really didn’t understand the point of one guitar playing a standard six string and another playing a seven string until they played this one riff were the seven string player was cleverly using the low seven – tuned down to G – to make whatever his co-guitarist was playing sound even beefier. Just like that it all made sense because they weren’t doing that in every single song. That’s what you call a great ear for dynamics, knowing the right place and the right time for everything. It always makes all the difference.

The bassist probably impressed me more than anyone else in the band. Not only could he keep up with those fast tempos with his fingers, sometimes hitting multiple notes at once, he can even tap out the licks and cleanly go back to plucking without skipping a beat.

Anaka were the headliners here. No sooner do they get on stage did Jimmy yell out to the crowd “Brooklyn, New York! What’s our fuckin’ name?!?!” to the roar of the crowd. I was expect a full on moshpit like the one that got me pinned against the bar at Killarney’s, where I first saw Anaka back in 2012. My left quad hurt for two weeks after that night! At the end of this you’ll get a link to a playlist featuring a clip of their set as well as Proxima Control’s and End All’s sets.

The band were firing on all cylinders here. Jimmy looked real hyper up there. I don’t know if I gave him some of my C4 pre-workout and I just don’t remember or he was just amped up but he was wild up there. And the screaming was probably the most intense I’ve ever heard it. It’s not easy to keep up with after sixteen years so he had my respect there. What really caught my eye more than anything was Peter’s guitar. I was standing on his side of the stage and saw he had this gorgeous ESP guitar that resembled a cream Gibson Flying V, similar to Scott Ian’s new Jackson Signature V, but with EMG pickups instead of Duncans.

I had to know what the deal was. So I went up to him and he let me know that he’s officially signed to ESP’s roster and he bought that guitar directly from them. He even let me cop a feel, that neck feels nice. Too bad he’s lefty because I really wanted to try it. He also revealed to me that he’s now also endorsed by KHDK Electronics, you know, the pedal company co-founded/co-owned by Kirk Hammett. He had the Ghoul Screamer on his pedalboard as a booster for his Dual Rectifier. I have to admit, it had to be the thickest Pete’s tone has ever been.

Check out Anaka’s website from their music, facebook and upcoming shows, including North Music Venue in Long Island on July 29th.

http://anaka.net

You can also find me on facebook by clicking here:

https://www.facebook.com/Confessions-Of-An-Angry-Metalhead-1237695776242081/?ref=settings&qsefr=1

My next blog should be a review of Helix Nebula so stay tuned.

New Videos And More News

Posted on July 14, 2016July 14, 2016 by Mike

So I’ve been pretty busy with recording songs and videos in the last week or so. I’ve really been inspired in the music department, having uploaded two new songs in the last few days. Here’s the one I just uploaded today:

Upon listening to it with the drums I mapped out as well as the distorted bass I put there, I find it to be a cross between early Bathory, speedwise, and a more modern Grindcore song around the breakdown section. I just know my Ibanez Destroyer’s been taking a beating lately with all the things I’m doing. Speaking of guitars I’ll most likely start recording covers sometime next week.

On the powerlifting front I just began the second cycle of my new 5/3/1 conditioning template. Only now I’m training four times a week instead of three since I’m currently off from work for the summer – giving me plenty of time to get out all the extra anger my jackass students gave me this year! I’m serious when I say they need to bring back corporal punishment because today’s kids are way too fucking grown for their own good. Fuck the kids. Anyway, here’s my latest Deadlift video. The whole workout can be found in the description box of the video:

I figured out a great way to use my phone to film myself Deadlift and Overhead Pressing without using anyone’s help. I just need to find a way to do it for Benching and Squatting. Also, I’m not too far away from Diamond Gym in Maplewood, NJ, and I’d like to also make my way over there next week to get a workout in. That place is just so fucking hardcore that I HAVE to go there.

More News

A quick reminder that I’ll be at Anaka’s show at the Black Bear Bar in Brooklyn this Saturday. I’ll be making a video or two, as well as writing about it here so keep your eyes posted. Also, I was approached by Helix Nebula, a band from just outside of Madrid, Spain, about reviewing their new album and I agreed to do it so I should be doing that in the next week as well. Helix Nebula recently played a show with Feel No Pain, another band from Madrid, who’s demo I just reviewed; so I’m assumed that’s how they found me.

I’m now on facebook, so be sure to click here and like the page for more updates.

https://www.facebook.com/Confessions-Of-An-Angry-Metalhead-1237695776242081/

Show’s I’ll Be Attending This Summer

Posted on July 9, 2016 by Mike

Anaka live at Black Bear Bar, Brooklyn, NY, July 16th, 2016

On the heels of celebrating more than 15 years together Brooklyn’s own Anaka will be playing Black Bear Bar in Brooklyn this coming Saturday. Also on the bill are Proxima Control, The Last Alliance, and The Crimson Collective. And I’ll be posting a few videos of the show on my YouTube page.

One Foot In The Grave Tour f/ Carcass, Ghoul, Crowbar, and Night Demon live at Gramercy Theater, New York, NY, August 4th, 2016

I’m a little disturbed by the title of this tour just because I’m not really sure if this means Carcass are breaking up again or not. If so, it was awesome of them to release one more album, Surgical Steel, back in 2013. That was probably the album of the year for me. If not then that’s fine too! I just entered Metal Injection’s contest to win free tickets to the Gramercy show, and I’ll find out in two days if I won. I’m afraid I don’t know much about Ghoul or Night Demon…yet, but I’m definitely filming Carcass and Crowbar for sure. Haven’t seen Crowbar since that night last June where I nearly died about three times because that so-called moshpit turned into a barwide fist fight! So it’ll be interesting to see what happens this time, especially since hearing that ex-bassist Todd Strange came back to the band after sixteen years away.

This Is Hardcore Fest Day 2 f/Nails, Iron Reagan and Ringworm live at The Electric Factory, Philadelphia, PA, August 5, 2016

Let’s face it, I’m not really a hardcore fan and the only reason I want to go to this is to see the three bands mentioned above. Of course there are a shitload of other bands on the bill but those are three I give a shit about the most. I’ve heard Electric Sleep and they can blow me. The others I haven’t heard. When I imagine how Nails’ set is going to unfold I pretty much see a moshpit so brutal it outdoes the barwide fistfight I went through last June when I saw Crowbar in Brooklyn. They are brutal as fuck, and their disgusting new album is getting a LOT of buzz, more so than even the band itself probably expected.

I’m also looking very much forward to Iron Reagan because their lead singer is Tony from Municipal Waste. Waste actually knew me personally for the better part of a year between 2006 and 2007 but that’s a story for another time. Here’s one of my favorite songs from Iron Reagan!

I last saw Ringworm opening up for Goatwhore in Broooklyn just a week after nearly dying at the Crowbar gig. I actually filmed them twice because when I tried to film them some jackass in the pit threw another guy elbow first right into my ribs. That hurt so bad. After my better second attempt at filming them I was pushed against the wall twice tailbone first. Here’s that second video now!

Operation Domination Tour with Angel Vivaldi and Gus G live at Webster Hall, New York, NY, August 31st, 2016

I was just told about this by my girlfriend a few days ago and it was immediately decided that we are going. The YouTube sensation is obviously showing no signs of slowing down at all and here’s the proof. It’s not everyday an internet darling gets to play with Ozzy’s current guitarist!

This is going to fucking rule!

As I said before I’ll be filming all the shows I go to and you’ll be able to find them on my YouTube page. If you’re reading this and plan on being at any of these shows l free to contact me, maybe we can hang. I’m also on Facebook. Click here to like my page and get quicker notifications on new blog posts.

Confessions Of An Angry Metalhead

Nails – You Will Never Be One Of Us

Posted on June 25, 2016 by Mike

After probably over 100 listens in the past week since I got this in the mail I still can’t find the words to describe how I feel about Nails’ Nuclear Blast debut, You Will Never Be One Of Us. Why? Because all I want to do is jump someone from behind and literally BEAT THAT PERSON TO A BLOODY DEATH AND SET THE FUCKING CORPSE ON FIRE!!!! This record is the combination of the band’s last two albums, resulting in an album that brings out literally EVERY single negative emotion I can think of. This has got to be the ugliest, most vile, disgusting, violent, hate-filled album I’ve ever heard in my entire life – and I loved every single second of it!

It kicks right off with the title track, which starts off exactly like in the music video, with members of Neurosis, Youth Code and Baroness saying “You Will Never Be One Of Us”, before the bands kicks in…in one big explosion of rage. Unless you haven’t seen the video for the title track since it came out back in April, you’ve already heard vocalist/guitarist Todd Jones’ brand new hate filled approach to vocals. It’s not the high pitched scream of Abandon All Life, and it’s not the yelling of Unsilent Death either. It’s the type of angry, slobbering, vile (I think I’m going to use that word a few more times here) noise you make when you’re fighting some asshole.

You FEEL Todd’s hate at the scene that he gave his life to when he barks “Fuck your trends/fuck your friends/fuck your groupies”. That song and the album as a whole are about those who give their all to the lifestyle and those who are only in it for the money and the fame that doesn’t really come with this kind of music. It’s all about being REAL and that’s what makes this album what it is.

Tracks that follow the opener, such as the vitriol drenched “Friend To All” and “Life Is A Death Sentence” (and he’s not wrong there!) continue the musical beatdown. If you never knew who Nails were until this record came out last week you should know now that you will never be allowed to catch your breath when listening to any of their shit. One of my favorite tracks on here is “Savage Intolerance”, which also happens to be the second song the band made a video for. It sounds like Grindcore for most of the song…all 1:46 of it…until the mid-section kicks in. During that section you hear Taylor Young’s doublebass along with a very metallic, dissonant guitar harmony line that makes me feel like everything I know is crashing down all around me and there is no time at all to save myself.

The final track, “They Come Crawling Back”, is the longest track on here, clocking in a just over eight minutes. Much like in “Savage Intolerance”, the band seem to branch out of the Grindcore/D-Beat sound more and more, because this song is a lot sludgier than anything they ever did. It reminds me of “Suum Clique”, the closing track to Abandon All Life, with the deliberately slower tempo. Come to think about it, the slightly faster chorus reminds me of a much rawer Crowbar, only Todd Jones is barking violently into the mic instead of Kirk Windstein’s sandpaper wails.

It’s hard to believe Nails could top Abandon All Life but they did. At just over 21 minutes it’s all substances and no bullshit, just like their previous two records. But the biggest difference with You Will Never Be One Of Us is that, thanks to producer/Converge guitarist Kurt Ballou, Nails is in a position most bands like them will never know and that’s the ability to appeal to not just one crowd. There are elements of Metal, Grindcore and, true to Todd’s past in Terror, Hardcore. It’s only June but I’m already calling this the Album Of The fucking Year!

Feel No Pain – First God Of The Earth

Posted on June 25, 2016June 25, 2016 by Mike

So, when I was recently contacted by Feel No Pain from Madrid, Spain about reviewing their new four track demo, First God Of The Earth, they described it as Metallica-meets-Sepultura. But, after repeated listens, I’m afraid that’s not really the case because some of Sepultura’s classic shit borderlines on Death Metal and most of the material here is far too melodic. Metallica-meets-Iron Maiden? Much more like it – and there’s nothing wrong with that, by the way.

The instrumental “Mass For The Ancient One” opens up the demo. I have to admit now that I was never really a fan of instrumentals being used to open up anything, especially a demo where you’re trying to introduce yourselves to the world. As far as I’m concerned it’s a minute or so wasted that you cold use to let people hear the songs. Having said that, the track itself does sound very ominous in a classical way. I can almost envision that beast on the cover slowly arising from the waters, ready to raise hell.

The demo’s title track comes right in with nothing but double bass. Guitarists David and Hector come right behind with very Maiden sounding harmonies. I really like the sound of Cesar’s snare drum here! I hope he can maintain this sound if the band every does a professional recording. I’m almost positive the lyrics have something to do with that beast on the cover. Maybe I was right about the intro resembling it coming out to raise hell? It makes me think that if I were in this band, what I would have done was connect “Mass For The Ancient One” to this song as one track. No time would be wasted then!

“Cry Of The Undead” begins as nice old-school thrasher with tightly muted fast picking that would make even Hetfield proud. It breaks down in time for David to start singing about a zombie, stuck between wanting to die and wanting to find someone just like him, until he finds that he’s not alone at all. You’ll definitely hear the Maiden influence as the song ends in a very “To Tame A Land” fashion, just not as epic.

“Sky Burial”, probably the best track here, comes charging right in at the gate! This is actually a great way to close the demo up. It’s a good mix of Maiden’s melodicism and Iced Earth’s tight arrangements. If I were any of the members of this band I’d want to stick to this for a bit – and I haven’t been a fan of Iced Earth in years.

Feel No Pain sounds like a hungry band. No doubt about it. If there’s anything I’d change it’s the vocals for sure. There’s nothing wrong with singing but I feel like these lyrics need to be sung with more attitude. Much more. In this modern metal world I think it’s important that if you’re going to play traditional style you should at least give it a modern edge in order to reach out to more people. That’s why I liked Testament’s 2008 comeback, The Formation Of Damnation. It had all the elements of those early Alex Skolnick/Lou Clemente-era albums, but the difference was that Paul Bostaph’s doublebass licks locked in with Eric Peterson’s rhythm guitars gave the songs an edge Lou could never give them.

Here’s the video to “First God Of The Earth” their bandcamp, and facebook pages:

http://feelnopainmetal.bandcamp.com/releases

Feel No Pain

New Training Videos!, New Nails!

Posted on June 12, 2016June 24, 2016 by Mike

New Training Videos!

I restarted training at the gym last Sunday and so far things are going far better than expected. I’m still doing 5/3/1 but I’m more focused on conditioning this time so each time I train I’ll just do two exercises and then it’s off to the bike I go since the gym won’t get another prowler until management begins renovations near summer’s end. Lame.

I did just release two videos I was able to make on last week’s Overhead Press day and today’s Squat day and you can check them out below:

Explanations of each workout can be found in their entirety in the description boxes of each video.

I’m already eyeing my next meet and it’ll most likely be RPS’s Autumn Apocolypse in November, same hotel in Newark as the Jersey Rumble back in May. I’m just hoping that by that time I’ll at least have my Squat and Deadlift in the 300’s and 400’s, respectively. In fact, my friend Steve, who works at my gym told me he’d take me to the other gym he trains in, East Coast-West Coast in Carlsadt, in July. I heard about this gym and in fact someone I met at my first meet posted up a video of himself training there. This gym just looks so fucking badass. It’s like Skiba’s in Carteret but bigger. Here, just look at the gallery pictures:

http://eastweststrength.com/facility/nggallery/page/1

Note that some pictures will be of their California location.

I also am in the middle of recording two new original tracks and re-recording the first one I uploaded since I can do better with it. I should be done, hopefully by the end of this week. Be sure to subscribe to my channel to get updates on them.

Oh! And here’s some of the shit that motivated me during my first week back in the gym:

New Nails!

Speaking of my Spotify playlist, in which you’ll see two tracks from Nails…anybody here as psyched up for this new fucking album as I am?? I’m most likely going to do a review on it after a few hundred listens or whenever I’m ready to get it out of my car, or so long as it doesn’t cause me to get into an accident because it makes me drive too fast…whichever comes first.

And if you aren’t as ready as I am check out their video for “Savage Intolerance” here!

The FYE by my apartment better have this come Friday. I’d like to go see them in Philly on August 5th, I’ll just make sure I’m in the back of the room so I don’t die. I have a feeling it’ll be even more brutal than when I went to see Crowbar last year for sure.

One Last Thing

I made a small post about this last night but I’m looking for underground bands to review. If you’re reading this and you know of any extreme bands (death, black, grindcore, sludge, crusty sounding) that you feel should get looked at let me know in either the comment section below or private message me.

Looking For Underground Bands to Review!

Posted on June 12, 2016June 12, 2016 by Mike

I want to start reviewing EPs, albums and demos from new and upcoming metal bands for my blog. I’ve reviewed CDs in the past for my college radio station and have even conducted interviews for my old show including L.A. band Cerberus (I’m mentioned in the thank you credits of their 2007 release Dispute The Truth, great album!)and ex-Venom guitarist Mykus; I want to start doing that again and just maybe help out some real good bands. Are you out there?

If you are reading this and know of any good underground bands worth listening to or are in a band and want me to check you guys out hit me up! I’m looking for anyone playing Death Metal(especially the really brutal shit!), Black Metal (nothing symphonic or with any keyboards please!), Thrash, Sludge, Grindcore or anything with a crust influence. Bottom line: I want it Extreme.

I’ll also need whatever links you can give me so I can use them to promote the bands, should I choose to review them.

Hope to hear from you!

All Aboard The Asshole Train!

Posted on June 3, 2016 by Mike

So, if you know anything at all about old school jazz, big band or Dixieland, you just might be familiar with a song called “Take The A Train”. Here’s the legendary Duke Ellington featuring Beverly in 1943, telling you all about the quickest way to get to Harlem!

Guess what? Fuck Harlem. Fuck Harlem back then and fuck Harlem now, especially now for the gentrification! But more than that, fuck the A train – or as I like to call it – the Asshole train!

So, what makes me call the A train what I call it? I’ll tell ya! So, before I moved to New Jersey at the end of August 2015, I’d take an express bus into Manhattan. From there I’d take either the 4 or 5 express trains to get to my job in the heart of Carribean Brooklyn, Crown Heights. If I remember anything about that ride the clientele totally changed the closer we got to Brooklyn and beyond, since I’d have to get off at Franklin Ave and then transfer to the Shuttle from there to get to my job. Crowding wasn’t that big of a deal; of course, it’d get a bit more packed as I’d head back toward Manhattan to go home on the bus. Needless to say I didn’t really feel like I was on my way home until I was on that bus.

After I moved to Jersey everything obviously changed and I needed to find a new route. Oh, I did all right. The train needed? That much sung about and once glorified A train. When I began using my new route to get to work I left so early that the train seemed to arrive exactly when I got to the platform. Convenient, right? Well, things do change.

I started leaving for work a little latter because I was struggling to get up in the morning and suddenly the train was becoming more and more unreliable for time. And every time I do catch it, it is ALWAYS jam packed with people literally FORCING THEMSELVES ON TO THE TRAIN regardless of how full it is. There have been times were I’d straight up wait for another train or take the C train because these people are some dumb motherfuckers!

Ever since taking this train I’ve come across some of THE dumbest, rudest motherfuckers I’ve ever seen on ANY train. I’ve been on the underground septa trains in Philly and even those people didn’t crush each other to get on the train! Oh, and did I mention that some of these people are so fucking rude?

Just yesterday, I was on my way to Port Authority on the train. Someone comes on the train at 34th St, a stop away from mine. I was playing Angry Birds Pop on my phone, a tad bent over as most of us tend to be when this ghetto looking loser had the balls to tell me:

“Yo, lean back, you’re in my way!”

“I don’t know who you think you’re talking to like that but say ‘excuse me’ and just maybe I’ll do it!”

“Alright, excuse me”

“Good! And look at that – here’s my stop. Have a good day!”

What the fuck does this asshole think I am, a fucking Fat Joe song?? And just today, like most days when I’m headed home, no matter how many times the conductor tried to close the doors at certain stops, more and more people were seriously forcing themselves into the train, making it extremely difficult for ANYONE to get out. Very safe, right? It was about a few months into my time on the A that I knew what I was really on: The Asshole train.

See, I’m sure things were very different in 1939, the year that fucking song was written, but times change of course and sadly it did so for the worse. Forget the fact that I already hate New York City as a whole and most of the jerkoffs that live in it in general, but the fucking trains are the absolute worst – especially the Asshole Train. What I’m very much looking forward to in a just a matter of weeks is two months away from feeling like a can of sardines, away from junkies, that one jackass kid that always wants to sell candy so he can buy more candy and do something positive – “anybody wanna BUY!” – the stragglers that seemingly wait until the last minute to get on the train as the doors are closing, making anyone feel trapped. That day isn’t coming soon enough. For the rest of you? All aboard the Asshole Train and remember: “Stand clear of the closing doors, please!” But I already know you motherfuckers won’t. Suck it.

RPS Jersey Rumble May 21st, 2016

Posted on May 28, 2016 by Mike

So here we are, May 21st has come and gone and I still haven’t even unpacked my bag days later. I should though. Whatever. It was a hell of time…I just don’t know if my girlfriend or my father will come to one of these again just because of how long this meet was!

We arrived at the Ramada Plaza Hotel around 10:30ish, a good half an hour ahead of schedule for weigh-ins. Having weighed in at 181 that morning I made sure to eat a nice big breakfast of four scrambled eggs, flank steak, an English muffin and grape flavored juiced aminos so I could make my weight class, which was 198 and when I weighed myself again before leaving I was 184. So I’m ok, right? Well, I guess all the cardio I was doing up until a week before this must’ve clearly put my metabolism into overdrive because when I was weighed in by Gene Rychlak’s mother-in law I weighed in at 182.8, having apparently dropped nearly two pounds during the ride, putting her in a panic in the event that I placed and would have to get weighed again. But I assured her I was going to eat more and she was relieved…not that it mattered much because I knew I wasn’t placing in anything.

After weighing in I went into the hotel ballroom were the first wave of the day, featuring the Women’s and Juniors Divisions was still running. Damn…it felt partially like a rock concert, partially like a biker convention. Loud 80’s metal was playing, a banner in the background with Ed Hunter on it, lights on the stage like an 80’s concert, tattoos everywhere, dudes with serious muscle, some women with serious muscle. You know, I have an issue with some women that choose to juice just so they can get the muscle mass they couldn’t get otherwise just because they naturally don’t carry as much muscle as men. There were a few chicks that looked awful pretty but when they began to speak their voices where pretty damn low. Also, since testosterone is supposed to help with burning fat I saw one or two chicks that legit had no titties – it was all pecs like a guy! Not that I haven’t seen this before but if I ever come out of musical retirement I’m going to write a song about chicks on juice and call it “No Titties”.

On the table in the back was a whole bunch of trophies that the winners are actually allowed to pick from, which I think is pretty cool. I’m assuming that Gene Rychlak or his designer are sick metalheads or just really into Conan The Barbarian because look at some of these trophies!

Then I saw a dude who looked like Bam Bam Bigelow back from the dead but instead of having the skull covering tattoo he had a nice, thick chain around his neck, like something you’d get at a hardware store.

Just tell me that isn’t badass – I even went up to him and told him it was badass! Turns out he works for Gene and is his Minister of Information, as well as the guy who spotted everyone during squats.

Things were a bit delayed and we didn’t really start on time, but needless to say I smoked all my squat attempts, building up to 260lbs which my girlfriend took pictures of but didn’t film. I did, however, get one red light for my second attempt at 245, most likely because I didn’t sink enough. Some people thought I did it perfectly but I know what I felt.

That 260 felt easy. The biggest relief, more so than even that, was that I had absolutely no rotator cuff problems; that was a huge concern for me going into this. Starting with my third Bench Press attempt of 160lbs, my girlfriend finally started filming. She had some issues with her old phone so she didn’t get the first two attempts. So starting with the last Bench attempt and all three deadlift attempts everything is on film.

All my attempts were real easy, easier than I thought – especially that 360lbs Deadlift. Although I have to say this: there’s nothing worse than getting psyched up for a lift and then really shitty music comes on. Republica’s “Ready To Go” came on during my first attempt and then The Scorpions came on during the 360 attempt. Fuck The Scorpions! Couldn’t I lift to “Mr. Tinkertain” like a few guys got to do? Now THAT would’ve been badass!

I went to get to the merch table to get my complimentary free shirt for competing and one of the dudes who spotted during squats told me “You need to put more weight on there, you totally smoked it.”. So will I do this again? Most likely, just a matter of when. I also don’t know if my girlfriend would go with me again or that my dad would come and see me again because I didn’t get out until nearly 11pm!

My Results:

Squat – 235, 245, 260

Bench Press – 130, 145, 160

Deadlift – 305, 330, 360

Total – 780

Check out Revolution Powerlifting Syndicate at http://www.revolutionpowerlifting.com

Final Thoughts

So, as of this writing, Nick Menza’s death has been a declared a massive heart attack brought on by heart disease. At 51 years old that makes his death the ultimate heavy metal tragedy of the year unless something far worse happens. That’s too young and while, most people are crying because the Rust In Peace-era reunion is surely not happening now, I feel far worse for his two kids.

And speaking of which, so how about that nice little damage control statement that Dave Mustaine released followed Nick’s death. They were always close right? Things happened and that’s why they didn’t get back together last year, right? Funny because there are multiple interviews were Mustaine admits that it didn’t happen simply because he didn’t want it to happen. So this benefit show he now wants to put together to help out his kids? Like I said…damage control. It’s true, isn’t it…that only the good die young?

Confessions of an Angry Metalhead

Tag: “Angry”