Tag: Lars Ulrich

Megadeth – Megadeth

Posted on by Mike

https://metalheadconfessions.com/?p=3428

This won’t be fun. I will not enjoy making this review. It’s sad that I came out of retirement for this.

It was announced a few months back that Megadeth’s next album would be their last. I didn’t buy that and I somewhat still don’t, even after listening to the final track, with its strongly worded message. Dave Mustaine has been diagnosed an arthritic condition in his left hand known as Dupuytren’s Contracture, in which his hand stiffen up, as if he’s holding an axe. That apparently is why it’s also known as Viking Disease. Imagine writing some of THE most insanely technical riffs in ALL of Heavy Metal, and then your hand is essentially crippled. That’d kill me if I were in his shoes.

We also have yet another new lineup. Back in the fold for his second jaunt with Megadeth is none other than legendary Brooklyn bassist James LoMenzo. James joined Megadeth in time for 2007’s United Abominations and left shortly after 2009’s Endgame as original Megadeth bassist David Ellefson was being brought back in. When David was fired a few years ago for what I at least describe as religious hypocrisy, his bass parts in the yet to be released The Sick, The Dying, And The Dead were erased and replaced by fretless bass GOD Steve DiGiorgio. But Steve didn’t tour with the band for that album, and that’s when James was brought back. Finnish guitarist Teemu Mantysaari was previously in Symphonic Metal band Wintersun. He joined in time to replace Kiko Loureiro, who left after The Sick, The Dying and The Dead to be home in Brazil with his family.

Symphonic Metal: GAY.

So, with some younger blood in Megadeth, it would be interesting to hear how this supposed sendoff would sound. For those who don’t know, Dave Mustaine left his own band in 2002 after an arm injury. But he came back a little over a year later and his hand was working just fine. And when he initially said that the inaugural 2005 Gigantour would be the last Megadeth tour, he chose to continue on. That’s why I’m pessimistic. Even David Ellefson knows to be pessimistic!

Let’s look at the artwork first. We see band mascot Vic Rattlehead in a three piece suit. As he’s adjusting his tie, we see that he’s slowly being engulfed in flames. It may be symbolic of one going out bravely, going out on his own terms. To me it’s reminiscent of Gus Fring adjusting his tie after barely making it out of the nursing home room that was just blown up by Hector Salamanca by way of Walter White in Season 4 of Breaking Bad. Half his face is blown off, but maybe he knows he’s about to die because once that shock kicks in he immediately drops to the floor.

This supposed final album begins with “Tipping Point”, which was also the first single off the album. It starts off with a pretty good mid-tempo, Iron Maiden-esque harmony riff, featuring quite an impressive solo from Dave. It then picks up speed. Then comes Dave’s vocals and rather shitty lyrics. “Today I may bleed, but tonight you will die”? Yeah, ok bud. Thank fuck for Teemu, who really does sound like a modern-day Marty Friedman at times. And man, it’s only one track in and I can hear how shot Dave’s voice is. A lot of this has to do with his 2010 neck fusion. That fucked up a lot of things for him.

Unfortunately, his voice is going to sound pretty raspy and frail for most, if not all of this album.

The lyrics to “I Don’t Care” are absolutely childish and retarded in plain English. RETARDED. Is this supposed to be Dave’s attempt at writing a Punk Rock song at 64 years old?? Once again, thank you Teemu for saving the day, and for not being a Temu Marty Friedman. See what I did there? Otherwise, “You gotta know gotta know gotta know” that this song is absolute ass!

“Hey, God?!” is more mid-tempo. The sound of Dirk Verbeuren’s drums, and the punchiness of his snare, make this sound like it maybe could’ve fit on Countdown to Extinction. I’m trying to figure out what Dave’s talking about. Is he trying to speak from someone else’s point of view since he himself is a Born Again? Is he channeling his younger self who attempted suicide more than a few times (see “Skin ‘O My Teeth”)? What I do know is that I love Dirk’s drum breaks immediately preceding the solo section.

“Let There Be Shred” contains the album’s most technical riffing so far. And, true to the title, solos galore between both Dave and Teemu. But goddamn, these lyrics – especially the chorus! And how about the line, “the guitars are screaming , they scream with delight”?

GAY.

Before I continue, I need to make this abundantly clear: I get that Dave Mustaine is now 64. Fuck, this September he officially becomes a fucking senior citizen – a milestone he NEVER thought he’d reach! So, I get that at this point not everything he writes will necessarily hit the mark. But I do expect that if this album is to be his final curtain call, that he puts just a little bit more effort into his lyrics. Just a little. It shouldn’t be that hard.

Left to Right: James LoMenzo (bass), Dirk Verbeuren (drums), Dave Mustaine (vocals and guitar), Teemu Mantysaari (guitar)

Is Dave even trying to sing on “Puppet Parade”. In the chorus alone it sounds like his just trying to get through it, and not even because he’s straining his voice. It sounds like that amateur musician that’s so anxious that he’s just trying to get the take over with and doesn’t care if it’s QUALITY or not. I’ve dealt with that a few times when I was stupid enough to play in bands. The music here reminds me of something that could’ve been on United Abominations. Go figure; that’s Megadeth’s last really good album for me and that was released nearly nineteen years ago now.

In fact, I’d say that this final album as whole musically is a combination of both Countdown and United. It’s technical to a point, yet melodic, and there are more mid-tempo tracks than fast tracks, most likely as a result of Dave’s unfortunate diagnosis. I sense that it was the only way he could feasibly record at least one more album without being in too much pain and I cannot hold that against him.

Damn if “Another Bad Day” doesn’t sound like “This Was My Life” at points. It’s actually one of the better arrangements on the record, that’s for sure. But the lyrics sound like a real bad attempt at Springsteen minus the part where he worked that 50 hour shift over at the factory in (insert the edge of random New Jersey town here) and didn’t get paid for it the next week.

I think it’s odd that I don’t really hear much of James LoMenzo’s bass in the mix. I wish I knew why, because he’s an INCREDIBLE bassist. We’re talking so good that I actually forgive him for being in White Lion in the 80’s!

Why do the opening tom fills for “Made to Kill” remind me slightly of “13 Steps to Nowehere” by Pantera? The shuffle otherwise is a classic signature of Megadeth and I actually can’t help but bop my head. The speed picks up and I appear to FINALLY hear James’ bass. Thank fuck! It’s not up there in the mix the way David Ellefson’s bass used to be, but that could also be because Ellefson uses a pick and James uses his fingers. Those vocals again. I almost feel sorry for him. The arrangement seems a bit anti-climactic. It picks up speed, hits a Dave solo, a few more lyrics and it just stops abruptly.

“Obey the Call” is giving me mixed feelings. The mid-tempo groove allows the guitars to breathe a bit more. Teemu’s solos kill it. Thank fuck he helped Dave with some of these arrangements because you can tell he needed the help more than ever. It picks up momentum, a few trade off solos between Teemu and Dave, and then it ends abruptly. Again.

“I know me, I know myself. I do not fear countless battles ahead. I will win when I go to war. Swifter than the wind, I attack fire.” Between this music and your shaky voice, I’m not convinced, Dave. Maybe this’ll work in the nearest nursing home.

And by the way this is killing me to write this.

“One more spotlight start to fade to black. One more winding road, and I won’t come. The roar I lived for, it starts to die. And now it’s time for me to say the long goodbye”. That’s what kicks off “The Last Note”. This is actually moving to me as someone whose own guitar playing was influenced by Dave Mustaine. The deepness in his gravely, shaky voice, appears to be legitimately genuine, as if he knows it’s truly over for him.

The arrangement is very different from the rest of the album, as the lyrical message is far more important than the music. And the music is just fitting. It’s not as dramatic a musical number as I was hoping for with crescendos and drops. But the emotion is there, I was just hoping for a little more to match the lyrics.

“They gave me gold. They gave me a name. But every deal was signed in blood and flames. So here’s my last will and testament, my sneer. I came, I ruled, and now, I disappear…” That’s the way he said goodbye to a calming, gentle twelve string guitar.

If that isn’t an emotional way to go, then I don’t know what is. It did hit me. His riffs, despite what his previous band said about him, ran circles around those guys. His songs were amazingly intelligent, his riffs made you dizzy, his arrangements otherworldly – and most of those happened while under the influence! He made his own path and has his own legacy.

Well, that’s the way he SHOULD HAVE said goodbye.

Now For The Problem!

A Metallica cover, huh?

Let’s discuss something else first. It’s a bit peculiar that he chose to record “Ride the Lightning”. Yes, girls, he does in fact have a songwriting credit for that track before you scream at me for no reason. But of all SIX songs he has credit for, I’m very surprised he didn’t record anything from Kill ‘Em All, the album where he sees the most songwriting credits. I’m even more surprised that he didn’t choose “Jump In The Fire”, as he wrote that before he even joined Metallica. Megadeth already performed “Phantom Lord” live during their 2013 Gigantour shows with Jason Newsted joining the band on stage for that number.

But what I’m not surprised at is that he chose to do this at all. According to David Ellefson, when Megadeth were getting ready to record The Sick, The Dying, and The Dead (in which David’s bass tracks were later erased), Dave wanted Megadeth to record the tracks he wrote for Kill ‘Em All as retaliation for Metallica releasing a special edition, 40th anniversary cassette replica of the No Life ‘Til Leather demo for Record Store Day in 2022, and that’s when David FINALLY put his foot down said no. He also thinks that was the beginning of the end of his relationship with Dave leading to the incident that justified Dave firing him in the end.

Now to discuss “Ride The Lightning”: The Megadeth Edition.

Ask Dave Mustaine and he’ll tell you this is his “full circle” moment where he pays tribute to his previous band as they were his roots. That’d make sense if he ever actually GOT OVER THE FACT THAT THEY FIRED HIM. I think this was more to show off the fact that from a musical standpoint he’s the one who invented the spider chord technique you here in the middle section, and he also most likely wrote the main riff. That sliding power chord is unquestionably a main staple of Dave Mustaine’s guitar/songwriting technique. That groaning sound that you hear in so many Megadeth songs.

But listening to this track over and over again I can’t help but ask myself “what the fuck are we doing here???”. I’m just going to get straight to the point here, it’s a modern-day produced, note-for-note rendition. And Dave’s vocals? Remember that Beavis and Butthead episode where Butthead told Beavis that he sounded like Mustaine? Well, here, Mustaine sounds like Beavis talking about trying to score. That’s not a compliment and Beavis and Butthead was my childhood!

I feel like he just did one take struggling to just get through this. It’s really bad karaoke. It’s as if he got smashed, stumbled into the nearest Karaoke bar in St. Marks Place in Manhattan and yelled badly into the worn out microphone, trying to emulate the vocals of a then-twenty one year old kid. To boot, his vocals in the mix are louder than the music. And let’s talk about the solo section. It’s clear that Dave arranged it where he and Teemu trade off solos. Teemu absolutely starts if off, followed by Dave. But that harmonized section near the end, I don’t know if it’s Dave, Teemu or the two of them harmonizing together. But it almost sounds like a harmonizer effect. Very clinical, much like Dirk’s drums.

And then there’s James’ bass, which I complained about once already. I’m not listening to this expecting Dave to mix James to sound remotely like the late Cliff Burton. I definitely didn’t expect Dave to fly Flemming Rasmussen in from Denmark to mix the tracks the way he did for Metallica in 1984. But on a track like “Ride The Lightning” where the bass was absolutely as important as the other instruments, James fucking LoMenzo needed to be a little more prominent in the mix.

Worse than all of what I just said is the idea that nearly 43 years and an entire legacy later, he chose to end his career by pointing to THEM. It’s not a full circle moment at all. It’s him still mourning the fact that he got kicked out of what became the biggest band on Earth even though it was HIS OWN FUCKING FAULT. I’m not as big a Metallica fan like I was a Megadeth fan; but you NEVER heard James or Lar$ bitch about Dave they way Dave still bitches about them.

It’s time to face the facts: Dave’s time in Metallica was a fucking blip. He, once again, has songwriting credit for only SIX SONGS. He never even made it to record Kill ‘Em All because he was unceremoniously fired just DAYS after the band arrived in Queens, NY. I can easily join the echo chamber in saying he needs to let it go. But if I’m pragmatic, I know that at this point it’s hopeless, so hopeless it’s pathetic. I swear his dying words are going to be “James Hetfield and Lars Ulrich”. And why not? The first two words in his autobiography actually are “James Hetfield” after all. I shit you not.

Abandonment issues my big, hairy ass!

THIS is how he chose to ride off into the sunset, by pretending he was still with them and seemingly forgetting about his own INCREDIBLE legacy. It also acts as a reminder that a LOT of his career was based on trying to one-up Metallica. That’s why he tried to go mainstream in 1992. That’s why he made an album as shitty as Risk in 1999 – because of something he heard Lar$ say!

I didn’t have high hopes for Megadeth’s self-titled farewell. The band’s take on “Ride the Lightning” solidified my fears. I hearby give Megadeth’s swan song two middle fingers.

My Own Final Will and Testament

I’m closing this by officially announcing my retirement from Confessions of An Angry Metalhead. I haven’t been inspired or motivated for over a year. That’s why I’ve done NOTHING since 2024, that’s why I’ve done NOTHING to celebrate the blog’s 10th anniversary last year. I just don’t care and you probably don’t either. The only way I’ll let anyone keep in touch with me if it’s a hot chick, or at least one with great big titties, who wants to send me nudes. Otherwise, I hope I pissed you off and triggered your asses to no end.

Good riddance and kill yourselves you fucking cunts!

Buy The Fucking Record!

Posted on by Mike

It’s been brought to my attention via e-mail that the cost of my premium subscription to Spotify will be increasing in less than two months. I don’t believe it’s going to affect me too much, as what the cost will be is not even a dollar above what I currently pay. With my subscription also comes Hulu, which I partially rely on for TV, as I “cut the cord” more than four years ago.

Fuck cable.

It was a day later, however, that I read a Metal Injection article which indicated – not surprisingly – that, while the fees are going up, artists royalties are to remain the same. In fact, it’s also been brought to my attention over the years that the royalties artists receive via Spotify alone are actually disgraceful. How disgraceful you ask? The traditional, long-standing royalty rate a typical artist receives in terms of record sales is $00.08 per record sold, eight measly cents. Spotify’s royalty rate per regular stream?

Anywhere between $0.003 to $0.005.

That’s pretty fucking bad last time I checked. But hey, at least Apple music pays their artists up to a penny per stream, right? Anyone? That’s no way for any artist below megastar caliber to live. There’s a reason why there are so many bands these days that, despite possibly having all the potential in the world, call it quits eventually. This goes for ALL genres of music, by the way.

This is also another instance in which I will ABSOLUTELY point the finger to my generation, the ones who, in an act of self-righteousness act like their time was the pinnacle of society. By the way, it wasn’t. The mp3 format was invented in 1989, a whole decade earlier than I previously thought. It was in 1999 that jackass of the year Sean Fanning along with Sean Parker created Napster. It was a slow, steady build, leading to mass popularity within not even a year. The purpose of Napster? It was essentially “digital tape trading”.

Sounds good on paper, sure. But the difference was, with traditional tape trading, which I definitely partook in, record sales were still a thing. What Napster did was enable users, using the concept of “peer-to-peer file sharing”, to upload and download music in the form of mp3 files for anyone to take. And THAT is what disrupted record sales for the first time, paving the way for the slow bleed of record sales across the fucking board.

Most people I knew turned their backs on Metallica after Lars decided to sue Napster in the summer of 2000. I, along with most, already had turned my back on Metallica not too long before this, when I realized that their first four records were the end all be all, while their mid-late 90’s output was pure, weak shit in comparison. I understood however, as someone who thought he wanted a career in music, exactly why Lars was suing. If new music was really being leaked before it could properly be released, allowing everyone to download it, no one would buy anything. One poignant piece of information Lars pointed out in his testimony to the Senate Judiciary Committee was that, while they were doing just fine from a fiscal standpoint (and still are), most artists beneath them were barely scraping by. While selling 100,000 was peanuts to Metallica by that point, that same number would be a MILESTONE for any underground band or artist.

My brother had Napster on the computer we had at our father’s house. One day, without even asking my thoughts on the subject, he just proclaimed in disgust, in an even more disgusting Brooklyn accent “I can’t believe you don’t like Napster!”. Believe it fuckface! But it’s also easy to be for any kind downloading if you aren’t a musician. And the reason I spoke so much about Napster here is because Napster co-creator Sean Parker decided to invest in Spotify in 2010, a year after the company’s inception, because he felt they were continuing Napster’s legacy.

But hey, want to know a secret? Want to know how you – yes you! – can help make even a splatter of a difference.

Ready…?

You sure…?

Really sure…?

Ok here comes….

BUY THE FUCKING RECORD YOU FUCKING CHEAP FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you’re reading this, you are a Metalhead who probably does this already, or I hope your ass does. But for the rest of you: do you really like an artist? Do you really want that artist to succeed? Has said artist or band made such an impact on your life that you don’t know what you’d do if they disappeared tomorrow? BUY THE FUCKING RECORD! I don’t give a shit if you but a cassette, CD, vinyl. Fuck, go to any metal show in some shithole bar and you might find bands selling cassettes of their music along with digital download cards.

For those of you who are not metalheads, consider this: an artist’s livelihood depends on record sales first and foremost. I don’t want to hear about touring and merchandise, especially since labels now offer 360 deals in which they literally take money from EVERYTHING the artist does, including selling merchandise. The artist’s ability to stay on any label has always been dependent on if the sales numbers are good. If those numbers drop more and more, the label has no reason to keep that artist.

Quick Tips

Before I go here’s some advice. It’s not a big deal to use streaming services such as Spotify and Apple Music to discover new artists. That’s what I’ve done in the past, even going back to the Napster days. It’s how I first heard key tracks off of Rust in Peace. But guess what I did afterwards? I BOUGHT THE FUCKING RECORD. I discovered Nails through Spotify in 2015, a year before they released You Will Never Be One Of Us, their most important album to date. But after I heard them in 2015 and shat myself, I BOUGHT BOTH OF THEIR FUCKING RECORDS. Go ahead and look for new music; but if you find something that truly HITS YOU, support that artist.

And speaking of Megadeth, another thing you can do, especially if you want to outright get rid of streaming, is to do what I did in 2018. Get yourself an mp3 player and transfer your music onto the player, that way you have at your disposal the music YOU want to hear, not just what Spotify or Apple Music has. Case in point: I unconditionally DESPISE the remix jobs Mustaine did with Rust in Peace though Youthanasia in 2003. But only those remixes are what’s available on Spotify now, not the originals. However, with my music transferred to my tiny little Sandisk, I can hear those aforementioned records in all their TRUE glory any time I want!

My Take On Metallica’s Being A Band.

Posted on by Mike

https://open.spotify.com/show/4Adxscmvu0LeAWt2xA734l

They’ve got to be kidding…right?

Upon hearing a week ago that Metallica were hosting their own Masterclass series titled Being A Band, I quickly saw just as many eyebrows raised throughout the internet. Nice to know I wasn’t the only one with a brain. Let’s be real: the idea of Metallica teaching ANYONE how to be a band is absolutely laughable. I could give two shits about their legacy, it’s absolutely moot to the purpose of this article.

I just wonder if anyone reading this has actually paid to watch that shit. I can only imagine they’d have no choice but to dwell on their dark past (OTHER than Cliff Burton’s gruesome death in 1986 and James Hetfield entering rehab in 2001) that NO ONE really brings up. So that begs the question: how much of their “advice” is based on the truth? How much more of it is based on a fabricated history? Fuck, Jason Newsted had recently alluded to the fact that there are a “lot of secrets” within Metallica.

That aside, I know better than to watch this shitshow. But I’m here today to bring you my own, homespun, brutally honest interpretation of Being A Band, all for free and all for your displeasure. Let’s go with number 1, shall we??

Saxondebut.jpg
  1. Labor For Far Longer Than Necessary Over Song Arrangements

That’s right. Go find a band that’s a major influence on you the way Saxon influenced Lars, watch them beat a song arrangement to death when it probably sounded good after just a few tries, assume that it’s the only way to write songs and prepare for a career chock full of infighting within your band. Do you happen to have a musician in your band that’s a songwriting genius that can just shit out song after song on his own while keeping shit basic? Does your band have the ability to make a QUALITY album in a relatively short amount of time?

Fuck that! Make sure that you ALWAYS have to have a say in EVERYTHING the band does. Make sure you oversee every minute detail of the simplest, four minute single. Makes sure your band practices that song over and over again to the point that, once you finally hit that record button, your deadline for the album is just around the corner. How the fuck could first take magic possibly mean shit when you can take years to write all of ten songs and totally piss of your loyal fan base, as they wait possibly close to a decade before you release that next album? Duh!

Image result for bob rock

2. Make Sure Your Producer Doubles As A Yoko

You’re inching closer and closer to success with each passing album. You’ve finally hit Platinum status in sales AND you’re even a home owner now. Imagine you and your band jamming away on a fast, probably badass new track as the big name producer your label brought in arrives and hears what you’re playing. His hello to the band is to tell you to stop and play it slower.

Absolutely listen to him and let him know right away that he has control over you and that your balls are safe…in his grip! It won’t seem like that at first, especially since your initial record under his supervision becomes your biggest selling album of ALL TIME, even if it unquestionably divides fans, and leaving some questioning your integrity. Keep that producer for the next several years, as he influences you to explore sonic territory that not only is unnecessary, but alienates whatever ever “back in the day” fans you have left.

Go ahead and let him be considered by the public to be your band’s fifth member (or sixth if your band’s a five piece already). Take him everywhere you go like the little lapdog he is, and he’ll know he doesn’t need to worry about the source of his next pay check. If you lose a band member, let him PLAY on your next album, thus giving him hope that he might even join your band that he helped to completely alter the course of. Let him dominate you like you’re his BDSM dungeon bitch so bad that the stench is strong for decades to…cum.

Image result for kirk hammett wah meme

3. Overuse Your Wah Wah Pedal To The Point Of Sexual Abuse

Are you the lead guitarist in your band? Did you idolize guitarists that made decent use of their wah pedals the way Kirk Hammett says Michael Schenker is one of the reasons he himself started relying on the wah pedal? Well what the fuck are you waiting for? Stomp that pedal and rock it back and forth uncontrollably and far more often than your idols ever did!

You can’t stand out if your wah pedal use has control and intentional limitations. You need to use your wah pedal on practically EVERY SINGLE SOLO YOU EVER PLAY. Your tone with the wah MUST be insufferable, and you have to sound like you have absolutely no right hand at all.

At all.

Ever.

Not even to jerk off.

4. Grant A Film Crew Unlimited Access To All Of Your Band’s Drama

Did you decide to have a little fun and let the whole world see your band in the middle of recording an album? Did shit not go as planned? Did a band member quit? Did someone go to rehab after years of unchecked abuse that’s still nothing compared to another ex member, whose trips to rehabs surpassed double digits long before your first go at sobriety? Is this person you?

Pay that film crew for the rights to that footage and continue to film away!

Expose your personal business to the entire world. Hire a “performance enhancement” coach known for working with NFL teams, because it doesn’t matter how many business deals you’ve gone through as a band – you can’t handle someone quitting. This coach CANNOT be a licensed psychologist or even a licensed psychotherapist. Treat him like your own, personal security blanket and keep him on your payroll for far longer than any other band in history. Much like your producer (see #2), make HIM so comfortable that he starts trying to write lyrics for your band in the middle of a recording session. The more leeches in your life the better, of course!

Speaking of band members leaving, I saved the most important bit of advice for last.

5. Drive Your Most Loyal Bandmate To Quit

This is the last thing I’ve ever wish on any band. But imagine you lost a band member in a horrific accident ala Cliff Burton. Instead of taking time off to grieve the loss of your comrade in arms, throw yourselves immediately into replacing him before you head overseas to tour. Find yourself your band’s biggest fan.

  • He worships the very bandmember he’s replacing
  • He knows your entire catalog inside and out
  • He’s willing to do anything you want because he doesn’t want to take this chance for granted
  • He’ll sign autographs backstage while your lazy ass is already back at the hotel getting shitfaced

Haze the shit out of him. You want to remind him that he didn’t just waltz into a happy situation; but because neither you or your band ever gave yourselves the time needed to grieve, you can just take out all of your anger on that loyal, new replacement. Prank him backstage, embarrass him onstage. Dictate what and how he plays when recording an album.

Completely shatter his spirit by being the one guy to still haze him even years after everybody else grows up and accepts reality. Condemn him during an interview with a national publication for daring to express his desires to record an album with a decidedly different sounding side band because you’re afraid to lose him, even if you’re still treating him the new kid years after his arrival into your life. And when he requests to hold a meeting with the band to further express his desires for a break because he physically ran himself to the ground for you and your band, show up drunk at 10 in the morning and tell him no, ultimately strengthening his resolve to tell you to he’s gone.

Follow these five easy steps and YOU just might be on your way to a highly successful career in music!

4/28/22 – look below to see the most hilarious fangirl comment I’ve ever seen. It’s dopes, like this who forget that I’m basically speaking opinion here, whose over the top reactions let me know I’m doing my job. Thanks bud!

Random Thoughts

Posted on by Mike

jim-wendler

See this guy?  This guy is the man.  Fuck that – he’s my hero.  If you don’t know who he is Jim Wendler is the COO of Elite FTS, making him CEO Dave Tate’s right hand man.  But what makes in more important than even that is his awesome training program he developed for all kinds of lifters from bodybuilders to athletes to powerlifters, 5/3/1.

On paper it seems as annoying to decode as any other powerlifting program with calculating percentages, etc.  But what makes this program so unique, at least to me, is that Jim takes the guess work right out of everything.  It’s real simple; in one 4-week cycle you will perform three sets of your main lift for 3 working sets of  5 reps during the first week, 3 sets of 3 reps the next week, and then for the last week you will perform 3 working sets of 5 reps, then 3 reps and then 1 rep or more if you can.  After your main lift, you will perform two or three assistance lifts, followed by light or  hard conditioning (he likes to push prowlers and run up hills a lot)  depending on the day.  After all that you will enjoy a deload week as your fourth week as a way to recover while still staying active before going back into the heavy stuff.

I like this a lot because in short the name of the game of long term gains.  This isn’t some eight week program you read about in mainstream bodybuilding magazines.  This is about making new gains and breaking new PR’s every cycle, regardless of what that PR is.  If during a cycle you bench 155lbs for 5 reps during the third week and then in the next cycle your benching those same numbers for 8 reps, it’s still a PR.  You’re still getting stronger.

I’m pretty sure this program has been real good to me since I began using it back in October because as of today I finally Deadlifted 305lbs for the first time.  I’d like to thank Motorhead’s badass track “The Hammer” for giving me the energy to do this!  I probably should’ve gotten there two cycles ago but instead of increasing the weights every cycle by ten pounds I increased them by five.  Oops.  I’m beyond grateful that my gym in Clifton, New York Sports Club, actually has a deadlift platform with bumper plates because I refuse to deadlift with those shitty octagonal plates EVER again.  In fact, I hope who ever created those plates gets shot in the fucking throat repeatedly because they make TRUE strength training such a hindrance.

Week 3: Day 2 – Deadlift Day!

Deadlift

125lbs – 1 x 5

155lbs – 1 x 5

185lbs – 1 x 5

245lbs – 1 x 5

275lbs – 1 x 3

305lbs – 1 x3

Hyperextensions

35lbs – 3 x 12, 12 10

Ab Core machine

20lbs – 3 x 20, 20, 20

I wanted to use the ab crunch machine and do three sets with 105lbs but some middle aged bitch was occupying it, taking her sweet ass time.  You know the ones, they sit on the machine for 10 minutes, while socializing, and they even stop DURING THEIR SETS to yap some more.  Why are they even in the gym?  Shouldn’t they be in the beauty parlor with their other middle aged friends gossiping about some worthless piece of shit reality show they probably rush home for every day because they have NOTHING ELSE to live for??

Oh!  Speaking of Motorhead…

Lemmy

My girlfriend told me two days ago that Dingbatz was going to host the streaming of Lemmy’s memorial service in L.A. using Motorhead’s YouTube page, so of course we went.  It’s awesome knowing I’m literally a driving distance of ten minutes from the place.  There weren’t as many people there to watch it as we figured there would be, which was fine by me because we actually got seats at the bar giving us a great view of the brand new flat screens that the management just had installed, with the much older “tubes” now sitting outside of the bar.

It was held at a chapel, there was no way in fuck that this would be held at a church.  Nope nope!  Next to a podium was a table with a few souvenirs, if you will; Lemmy’s pirate hat which covered his urn – I had no idea he was cremated! – something from the WWE with their logo on it, always tacky guys, you never learn, do you?  His cowboy boots were on it along with some speed…a parting gift from Motorhead guitarist Phil Campbell, who surprised all of us by NOT being there.  I repeat: PHIL CAMPBELL was NOT at his own bandmate’s FUNERAL.  Surrounding both sides of the chapel?  Lemmy’s Marshall “MURDER ONE” Full Stacks.  FUCK.  YES.

Not many people there in suits, maybe one or two people.  But the difference between those two people was all too clear:  one guy probably wore a suit out of respect, like I would, and Triple H wore a suit because he has a corporate image to uphold.  Yeah, I said it.  There were a lot of people there to speak about Lemmy as well as one or two people I know I sure didn’t expect.  Did any of you truly expect GENE SIMMONS to be there?  Since when the fuck does GENE FUCKING SIMMONS care about anyone BUT himself??  Geezer Butler was also there, which was cool of him.  Of course Ozzy and $haron were there, I mean $haron only screwed him out of potentially MILLIONS in royalties for writing classic songs on both No More Tears and Ozzmosis by giving him flat rates.  Cunt.

Among the speakers were various people, from random friends from Germany, to Lemmy’s somn Paul, to the band’s management and road crew (You know what song came to my mind every time!), to celebrities we all know.  Just like that the theme of this service was all too clear: friendship.  As much of a modern day pirate as he was, Lemmy was everybody’s friend and those people who were invited to speak were obviously those he made the most impact on from a personal level.  A surprisingly emotional Mike Inez of Alice In Chains spoke, as well as Slash, who spoke about the time he spent with Lemmy in the hospital after he was fitted with a pacemaker, being by his side everyday until he was released.  I had no idea.  I’ll never be a fan of Slash’s guitar playing and I LOATHE Guns N Roses but he always comes of like that guy you can hang out with for hours.

Triple H (most boring wrestler EVER) told some funny stories about Lemmy.  Remember, before he became a corporate sellout he was a metalhead who would often do interview segments in a battle jacket with either one of his own shirts or the Motorhead England shirt.  In that regard he was for real.  He had the honor of having Motorhead play him to the ring for two Wrestlemanias.  Luckily for me he lost both times.  He mentioned that when that happened Lemmy said to him: “You can’t win a match to save your life, can you?  That’s why you’re good for us!”  But after talking of Lemmy the ballbuster he spoke of Lemmy the gentleman.

He and his wife went to see Motorhead backstage at a festival show.  He went backstage and he found Lemmy with two towels on, topless girls and coke on the table.  He was about to come in until Lemmy noticed Stephanie.  “Whoop!  Close the door!”, he yelled as Trips waited outside.  When Lemmy reopened the door he was now dressed, the girls were dressed and the coke was gone, which Trips could only assume Lemmy snorted all of – and all because Stephanie was there.  Sure sounds like a gentleman to me, even though not too long ago Steph actually had double implants.

All of us in the bar were VERY surprised when Rob Halford came up to speak.  I had no idea he’d be there but it shouldn’t be too much of a shocker.  Like Lemmy, this world is Rob’s life and even after all the decades he’s been doing this he’s still a fan.  He told everyone: “When I was in the presence of Lord Lemmy, I was a bit overwhelmed …”  Yeah?  Well, so were the rest of us bud.  Points for calling him “Lord Lemmy”, by the way.  After Rob left Lemmy’s girlfriend came up.  She was clearly drunk, slurring her words the entire time.  No denying she’s in a major panic right now, trying to figure out what to do next.

Lars Ulrich and Robert Trujillo of Metallica came up and that’s when I got interested.  Upon walking up to the podium, Lars looked…different.  I don’t mean the homeless guy beard he had but his vibe was different.  He was clearly shaken up there…even vulnerable.  Metallica are dead to me after …And Justice For All, but there would be no Metallica without Motorhead and Lars made it painfully obvious in every interview he’s ever done. You knew it when he spoke of opening for Motorhead in 1982, the year before Metallica were even signed to Megaforce Records, and Lemmy recognized him from their meeting in Denmark not too long before that.  The theme of his speech was that Lemmy always treated him as an equal.  I’m sure Lars could’ve said much more…if he wasn’t still shaken.  It must’ve finally hit him that his idol is gone.  That has to really suck for Lars, knowing that the reason he is the drummer for biggest band in the world is no longer here.

Dave Grohl was the last person to speak, which is what everyone was waiting for.  You know his general history: drummer for extremely overrated grunge band turned frontman/guitarist for middle of the road rock band.  But those who REALLY know ANYTHING about the guy know too well that he’s nearly as big a Motorhead fan as even Lars!  He occupation as guitarist for his middle of the road rock band basically finances his love of all things hardcore, crust and metal.  If you know ANYTHING about Dave Grohl you heard his metal side project Probot, which featured several different metal vocalist, including Lemmy, with whom he recorded the only good track on that CD, “Shake Your Blood:, in which Lemmy also played bass.

Over the years Dave and Lemmy truly developed a bond with a each other.  The two of them got together many times and were clearly the best of friends for years.  Watching him up there you can tell he was truly humbled to be friend with the guy.  What sucked was when the mic got cut off and we couldn’t hear shit for about ten minutes, and went right back on before he finished.  He mentioned their love of Little Richard, which plays and important part here.  Right before Lemmy died Dave got Little Richard to autograph a bible pamphlet for him to give to Lemmy, but Lemmy died right before he could give it to him.  So right before he let the podium Dave recited a few lines from Little Richard’s song “Precious Lord Take My Hand”, before raising a toast to Lemmy.

After it was done Lemmy’s tech plugged in his Rickenbacker signature “Rickenbastard” bass, leaned it against his full stack and let that shit feed back forever.  THAT is how you hold a memorial service.  Let’s celebrate the guys life – I think he’d make fun of all of us for mourning him, I know he wouldn’t want us to, although the woman sitting across from us was in tears the entire time.  The world is still a shittier place without you though pal.