Tag: “Heavy Metal”

Welcome Home, Boys! Shadows Fall – “In the Grey”

Posted on by Mike

Twelve years, twelve long years. That’s how long it’s been since Shadows Fall, one of the most important Heavy Metal bands to come out of the late 90’s-mid 2000’s New Wave of American Heavy Metal released the last album, Fire from the Sky before ultimately going on an indefinite hiatus three years later. In the years that followed, drummer Jason Bittner had gone on to play for Flotsam and Jetsam before leaving them for Overkill, which he had just left recently. More notably, lead guitar GOD Jonathan Donais replaced Rob Caggiano as the lead guitarist for Anthrax. He made his recording debut with them with their 2016 album, For All Kings.

However, in recent years, Shadows Fall began to sporadically – and I DO mean sporadically! – play shows, primarily festival dates. I assume this was to maximize the worth of their time after being away for so long. But the demand for more grew and when the band performed The War Within in its entirety this past March, Brian Fair announced that they were in the middle of recording new material. Well, it was announced that “In the Grey”, their first new single in twelve long, agonizing years, would be released on Friday, December 6th.

Well, December 6th arrived and there’s only one thing to say after listening to the first new Shadows Fall single in twelve years:

Welcome home, boys!

“In The Grey” is EVERYTHING we ever knew and loved about Shadows Fall, all wrapped into one hard-hitting, 3:38 package. It hits you in the face instantly with Jason Bittner’s sledgehammer-esque, lightning-fast drums, before transitioning into a frantic drop-C thrash riff and Brian Fair screaming his head off. It drops the tempo for the chorus and sounds a bit like “Still I Rise” off 2009’s Retribution before making way for a pinch harmonic drenched breakdown riff. Jon, Zakk so would’ve been proud. At the 2:16 mark, you’ll hear one last syncopated riff right before Jon’s solo. There’s a subtle change there that you’d have to really pay attention to. Without getting nerdy about it, it definitely adds color and dynamics to the riff. If you play music, you’ll hear it instantly. I fucking love it.

Jon’s solo….oh that solo. It’s everything we all loved about his playing. Technical, aggressive, intense, dripping with emotion. I said he was the bastard child of Randy Rhoads and Zakk Wylde, and he demonstrated it here. And it’s short enough to leave us wanting more. After one more repeated chorus, it’s all over. At least for now. The production on “In the Grey” is fantastic. You can hear every nuance of every instrument. If Zeuss produced this (I’m betting he did) then score one for the band because NO ONE knows how Shadows Fall is supposed to sound like Zeuss does.

Let’s dissect these lyrics. If there was one thing I was looking forward to, this was it, because Brian has written some thought-provoking lyrics over the years.

“Impermanence breeds pain
All hope and light will drain
You think it’s all on you
But they feel it too…

The pressure building
The bones will crack
Relentless waves in which you drown
The heart rings hollow
And thoughts collapse
Ruthless obsession there’s no turning back”

According to Brian, the lyrics are rooted in experiencing crippling depression. And as someone who might or might not be dealing with that as I type this review up, this hits a little too hard. Let’s continue to the chorus to avoid dissecting everything.

“Hey! another day in the grey
This can’t be the only way
The light seems so far away
Hey! another day in the grey
I’m not giving up today
The light seems so far away”

What Brian also mentioned is that the song is ultimately about slowly overcoming said depression or at least making the commitment to not let it drown you. That’s not easy to do.

I love “In the Grey” and I am left with hope that whatever Shadows Fall drops next will also be as true to the legacy of this once untouchable band as this track is. Sad as I was to hear they were going on indefinite hiatus all those years ago, I dare say this was actually worth the wait. Most bands that reunite after a long absence tend to not have that fire in them. But with “In the Grey”, I sense what I sensed when I saw them in March. That’s a band fully rejuvenated. I give “In the Grey” five out of five middle fingers.

A New Era, A New Hope: The Black Dahlia Murder – Servitude

Posted on by Mike

It finally happened. We’ve waited four long, questionable years. In fact, what we have here is an album so highly anticipated, so in-demand, that the pre-orders were distributed days before it’s official release. Then again, there was so much riding on Servitude, the first new album by The Black Dahlia Murder in over four years. I don’t need to remind anyone reading this that it’s also the first record released from the band since the tragic passing of founding lead singer Trevor Strnad. And with founding rhythm guitarist and backing vocalist Brian Eschbach abandoning his post to take on lead vocals, along with the monumental return of guitarist Ryan Knight, we now have a whole new band, with TWO lead guitarists, and with Brian being the sole original member of the band left.

So, how does Version 2.0 of the Black Dahlia Murder hold up on their first album?

The sounds of waves crashing on the shore open up “Evening Ephemeral” before we hear the ominous notes of a hammer dulcimer, which really does sound a lot like a piano. It’s a rather dramatic, yet sensible way to open up a record as high stakes as Servitude. Perhaps it’s a quiet tribute to Trevor before the storm? A sinister introduction to Version 2.0 of the most important Death Metal band of the last two decades? Who really knows?

What I do know is that the band kicks right through that fucking door with Brian letting out such a fucking scream. The fun in the album as a whole has been trying to figure out which guitarist in the band wrote what, since the songs are all credited the band as a whole, even though we do know that each guitarist – Brian included – wrote three songs for Servitude. I heard a power chord with a whammy dive during this intro riff and I can only assume that this song had to be something Brandon Ellis wrote, because I never heard that trick until “As Good as Dead” off Nightbringers, his debut with the band in 2017.

After an epic introduction, Alan Cassidy loses his shit with some gloriously chaotic blastbeats, while bassist Max Lavelle, Ryan and Brandon play their instruments like they have too much to prove and even more to lose. In regard to solo spots, it sounds to me as if Ryan and Brandon as trading off licks here, and I fucking love that. It’s difficult at times to discern who’s playing since their styles are so similar. And you’d have to imagine that because their roots are in a Tech Metal band such as Arsis, some of that flavor will prevail at times. Only it’ll be done better because James Malone isn’t the one writing the music.

I can tell Brian wrote “Panic Hysteric” which also now has a music video for it. His style is far too recognizable. I’m grateful he’s still writing music and didn’t just leave the writing to Brandon and Ryan. Brian Eschbach with or without Trevor IS the Black Dahlia Murder. I already reviewed “Aftermath” individually and later retracted my interpretation of the lyrics. More on that part later! But what I will add is Brian DEFINITELY wrote this one, and it was a fantastic way to reintroduce the band in its current form.

I fucking LOVE “Cursed Creator”! It’s probably my favorite of the entire album. I cannot pinpoint who wrote it, but I’m wondering if it was Ryan. The double-timed riff is drenched in harmonies and the song itself is filled with changes in tempo along with dynamics. That solo is unmistakably Ryan’s, and I really missed hearing him tear it up. It’s great to have him back, even with the shitty circumstances behind his return. Ok let’s talk about “An Intermission”. Fuck this!!! Yes, the music is gorgeous. But I fucking HATE when ANY band – sorry guys, you aren’t safe here! – takes a short piece of music and labels it “intermission” or will tack it on to the beginning of a record and title it “The End”, or “End of the Beginning”, or “End of Your Mother’s Ass” or some shit. Just tack it onto the next track and call it a day, or don’t use it at all! Less albums than you realize need that stupid shit.

“Asserting Dominion” has that mid-90’s, At The Gates style shuffle that adorns many Black Dahlia tunes. Brian’s voice grows on me the more I hear him. His style is unsurprisingly similar to Trevor’s, but it sounds far more Black Metal in tone than Trevor’s. Trevor was essentially Jeff Walker in steroids to me. I’m also almost positive Brandon wrote this one. There’s a shit ton of melody to it and he’s an absolute disciple of 80’s lead guitar, which at times could be equally as melodic as it was chaotic depending on the guitarist and style of music. The album’s title track takes no prisoners from the start and sounds like a Brian Eschbach tour de force, not just because I’m all but positive the music is his, but because this to me is where he reminds me of Trevor the most in his vocal performance. I don’t believe he’s blatantly trying to sound like Trevor and I certainly wouldn’t want that.

I’ve already reviewed “Mammoth’s Hand” when it was released as a single. It’s already been made clear that Ryan absolutely wrote this one and therefore plays the main solo. It’s probably my other favorite track on the record, since Brian was lyrically inspired by a really bad 80’s cult movie. “Transcosmic Blueprint” is an even more badass version of “Asserting Dominion”. It starts off with the mid-90’s Swedish-style shuffle but with a tad more attitude, before changing styles and tempos midway through. I’m positive Ryan and Brandon were trading licks again. This is a simply amazing song that essentially showcases everything The Balck Dahlia Murder has done since their 2003 debut.

“Utopia Black” is a fucking statement. It starts with another loud ass scream from Brian. This reminds me of a few other album closers from the band over time. The minor keys set it off and Brandon’s virtuosic solos abound paint an epic picture. The lyrics “devotion shall be rewarded/a Black Utopia washing over one and all” perfectly preface the end of the song, along with the reprise of the waves crashing down and the return of the earlier heard hammer dulcimer, indicating some semblance of a theme.

Now let’s discuss lyrical themes, because there is something that needs to be addressed. I already admitted recently that looked too deeply into the lyrics to “Aftermath”. I interpreted it as crawling back from tragedy the likes of which theoretically should’ve instantly killed the band. But no, it was literally just about surviving zombies in a post-Armageddon world. In that same vein, “Mammoth’s Hand” was literally using the plot to the movie Beastmaster to guide the lyrical content. With that in mind Brian made it clear that the lyrics to all of the songs on Servitude are not necessarily serious. He just took topics and wrote about them.

It’s a far cry from the death and horror themes Trevor wrote about. Sure, Brian did write some fantasy, occult, horror laden lyrics on Servitude. But for now, anyway, he wasn’t as serious in tone as Trevor was. He wasn’t going to be, and I’m honestly ok with that, knowing Brian has plenty of time now to explore and improve upon what he’s accomplished already.

So, what do I think of Servitude? Considering most of us thought the band were cooked two years ago, this is far better than I imagined. The Black Dahlia Murder knew they had something to prove in their new state and they killed it. They lose points, however, for “An Intermission”. I give Servitude four out of 5 middle fingers.

Recommended Tracks

Evening Ephemeral, Panic Hysteric, Aftermath, Cursed Creator, Mammoth’s Hand, Utopia Black

The Black Dahlia Murder – Mammoth’s Hand

Posted on by Mike

I didn’t even have to look for this new track from The Black Dahlia Murder, since one of my Instagram followers chose to send it to me early Tuesday morning. “Mammoth’s Hand” is the second single off of Servitude, the group’s first album in over four years and their first without the late Trevor Strnad. And as you can see above, it even has a fucking sick animated video to accompany it. So, let’s get right to it!

“Mammoth’s Hand” is a slower paced track, unlike “Aftermath”, the first single from the upcoming album…or 99.8% of the band’s entire two decades-long catalogue. The song sounds so much like something from Nightbringers that I was immediately under the impression the Brandon Ellis wrote the music, especially with his short intro solo before Brain Eschbach begins singing. Turns out I was wrong, and Ryan actually wrote this one. And that very much excites me because it’s partially what I’ve been waiting for.

The song’s slower tempo allows the guitars to breathe, allowing you to hear every note being played. The arrangement is perfection. There’s a short section where the tempo is double timed (that means the tempo is faster for you non-musos). The syncopated break in the middle makes it so much more badass. The solo kicks in at the 2:22 mark and it’s played by non-other than Ryan Motherfucking Knight! It’s dripping with emotion, aggression, feel, harmonies, everything I loved about his solos during his initial run with the band. His and Brandon’s styles are very similar. Think the primary difference is Brandon’s sound is a little more razor sharp than Ryan’s, and his bends are just a tad more extreme than even Ryan’s. I did recently compare Ryan to a modern-day Andy LaRoque after all!

Ok, now for the lyrics. I need to start this off by admitting that I apparently dug way too deep for my own good when dissecting the lyrics to “Aftermath”. I took it as a statement on crawling back after tragedy. Nope. It really was just about Zombies and the end of the Earth after it was hit by a meteor. Turns out that as a lyricist, Brian is nowhere near as dark as Trevor was. Either that or since this was his first go around as the primary lyricist, he decided to just have fun with it. I can’t say I blame Brian at all. So, where in the past the lyrics were as dark and deranged as you’d expect from any Death Metal band, yet the videos were fun, the lyrics won’t be serious at all in this new era of The Black Dahlia Murder.

Take the lyrics to “Mammoth’s Hand”. Brian revealed that they were literally inspired by the early 1980’s cult flick, The Beastmaster. Did you click on the link to see the trailer for that? Is it not gloriously schlocky? Although like many schlocky movies, this one had one hot ass chick. RIP Tanya Roberts.

Yeah, she was hot. The titties are smaller than what I’d usually prefer, but she sure was easy on the eyes. I’d fuck her.

Anyway, the lyrics to “Mammoth’s Hand’s”, according to Brian, were inspired by one particular scene in the movie. As for Brian own performance, I actually liked it better than even his performance on “Aftermath”. The slower tempo allows him to play around with nuances and explore more of his own dynamics. He actually sounded more like a Black Metal vocalist here, as far as I can tell.

Again, this isn’t the first time we’ve ever heard the Black Dahlia Murder slow it down, and I really like this one. I’m leaving here the link to pre-order Servitude, which comes out next month. I already pre-ordered it, and you should too. If there was ever a time to support The Black Dahlia Murder, THIS is that time. BUY THE FUCKING RECORD!

I absolutely give “Mammoth’s Hand” 5 out of 5 middle fingers.

WSOU Presents: Shadows Fall Live at Starland Ballroom, Sayreville, NJ, March 16th, 2024

Posted on by Mike
https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/angrymetalhead/episodes/WSOU-Presents-Shadows-Fall-Live-at-Starland-Ballroom–Saryrville–NJ–March-16th–2024-e2hgnkq

I knew I needed to go to this as soon as I heard that Shadows Fall, who had regrouped in 2021 after an indefinite hiatus that lasted seven years and saw drummer Jason Bittner join Flotsam and Jetsam and eventually Overkill, and lead guitar GOD Jonathan Donais join Anthrax, intended on performing their 2004 CLASSIC, The War Within in its entirety. That was fucking huge news! But for those of you who might be clueless, let’s discuss why!

The Importance of The War Within

The War Within, the band’s fourth album and third with vocalist Brian Fair, is the most important album in the band’s entire catalog. It was released on the heels of their previous album, 2002’s The Art of Balance, which went on to sell over 100,000 copies in a time when album sales were steadily declining. You bet your ass I was one of those 100,000 people who actually bought the fucking record! I even saw Shadows Fall live for the first time a year later during an Ozzfest off-date.

Having come from the New Wave of American Heavy Metal scene that was largely based in the Northeast and spawned bands such as Aftershock and Overcast – those two bands being the roots of Shadows Fall and especially Killswitch Engage – alongside All That Remains (Phil Labonte was actually the vocalist on Shadows Fall’s 1997 debut, Somber Eyes to The Sky), God Forbid (more on that band later!), Mastodon and Lamb of God, the sound was largely a mix of Hardcore breakdowns and Metallic intensity. Unfortunately, this became Metalcore. But Shadows Fall were different. Via Brain Fair’s roots in Overcast, especially after he joined Shadows Fall for their second album, 2000’s Of One Blood, the hardcore influence could be heard. But thanks to those riffs that scream Iron Maiden AND Morbid Angel, along with Jon Donais’ Randy Rhoads meets Zakk Wylde lead guitar style, they were far more Metal than Hardcore.

By the time The War Within was released, the press at large had been calling them the next Metallica for two years, thanks to The Art of Balance. With TWW, the guitars were even stronger than on the last album, the drums were harder hitting, the production was clearer, and the song writing was even stronger. The album had debuted at #28 on the Billboard charts. I was a first day buyer, taking to bus to Sam Goody right after I finished with class for the day. It’d earned them sales of almost 400,000 copies – a FIRST for Century Media Records! – their first main stage slot on the next year’s Ozzfest (the last time I saw them live), and eventually, a major label deal with Atlantic Records.

I still remember driving from Staten Island to Starland Ballroom to see Mastodon in May of 2005. I was on Rt 9, driving over the water, WSOU (more on them momentarily) on the radio, when the DJ announced that The War Within had sold 200,000 copies. The was incredible to hear; it meant a lot to the fans, I’m sure, and it meant a lot to the underground Metal scene, especially with Lamb of God releasing their major label debut nine months prior, and Mastodon very close to signing their own major label deal.

The Show

The show, I’m pretty sure was organized by WSOU, the top college station in terms of playing underground Heavy Metal for DECADES. My first exposure to WSOU in the early months of 1997 happened by mistake. I was looking for another station when I came across this one station that happened to be blasting Death Metal, the likes of which my 7th grade, dumbass self had never heard before and I’d assumed that this had to be the station. It wasn’t, but I clearly still listened up until they were forced to change their format right at the beginning of 2002. They eventually were able to revert back to their prior format; but they had to fight hard to make it happen.

It’s been my first show at Starland since I saw Zakk Sabbath in 2017. And before that, the last time I’d been there was most likely the 2008 Summer Slaughter tour, with such a shitty lineup that I totally forgot that it was the last time I saw The Black Dahlia Murder! But I spent a good three years going to shows in Starland Ballroom between 2005 and 2008.

I’m hoping that WSOU were the ones who organized this show’s lineup, because I’d hate to once again put the blame on Shadows Fall for playing with bands that sound NOTHING like them. That sadly was their biggest problem as fame was heading their way. The band might’ve been influenced by hardcore, and they might’ve been friends with the bands they played with. But what’ll make more money? Going on tour with your buddies and having no one go to the show to see you because you sound nothing like the other bands on the bill, or do you play with the bands that sound more like you and actually have people come there to see YOU? Very few bands can get away with having such a devoted following that they’ll attend a show STRICTLY to see you and then leave without watching any of the other bands. Killswitch Engage comes to mind.

I will not discuss the opening bands because as predicted, they all sucked ass. Deathcore: GAY. Hey Crazy Greg, who I was supposed to reconnect with at this show: yes, Nora sucked. The lineup preceding Shadows Fall were All in All, Nora and Fit for An Autopsy. And they all (minus Nora to some extent) sounded exactly the same. Technical brilliance on their instruments (I’ll never take that away from them) and Death Metal growls abound before the middle of the song transitions into another breakdown were the lead singer yells out in some fake Brooklyn-sounding accent some variation of: “Yo open up dis pit! Lemme see what u got Nu Jerzee!”, while bopping across the stage like a rapper, with the floor opening up for people to either mosh or pretend to be Bruce Lee. You all looked like fucking homos twenty years ago, and you all still do today.

Somewhere during this time, I spotted Brain Fair in the crowd, against a wall talking to somebody. His dreadlocks as so fucking grey these days. The last time I’d spoken to him was in Brooklyn in 2003. I went up to him to tell him that I’d been waiting to see him again and shook his hand. I then wondered if I hurt his hand because man, he has such a limp handshake!

The funniest part of the night leading to Shadows Fall going on stage was the fact that every time the ad for an IHOP that’s open 24/7 popped up on the projector screen, everyone there started to cheer. Look here for yourself! This what happens when you have a bunch of drunks who no longer are able to go down the street to the Peter Pank Diner off Rt 9 N because it’s now a fucking Wawa. Now THAT place had good food!

Just before the Shadows Fall went on stage, some chick from WSOU began to talk…before the projector screen was even elevated. That’s a little stupid, no? I also could barely hear a fucking word she was saying. She spoke so low, and the mic was under her chin. It literally sounded like I was listening to WSOU! Every DJ I’ve ever heard on that station since I discovered them in 1997 is so soft spoken and lacking in personality! My college station wasn’t anywhere near as huge as WSOU is, but we had DJ’s with PERSONALITY. Crazy Greg, Ali, the late Dr. Avi (RIP), Stevie Rich, DJ Universal (that was also his belt size!), Emilio Sparks, Bryan Ahl, myself, we all had character and we all brought something different to our shows! Compared to us, listening to DJ’s on WSOU is comparable to octogenarians fucking in a nursing home!

The band finally came on and wasted ZERO time kicking ass with “Thought Without Words” off The Art of Balance. They had so much energy. Jon and rhythm guitarist Matt Bachand circle headbanging, bassist Paul Romanko slamming his bass, Bittner in the back showing why he’s actually one of THE best drummers in Metal in the last two decades, Brian Fair fucking crowd swimming WHILE singing! You would’ve never known that collectively, they’re all closing in on 50! Who the fuck circle headbangs at nearly 50?! I had no choice but to forgive Jon Donais for wearing a Bon Jovi t-shirt. I get exactly why he wore it but…no. Just, no. After performing two more songs, they began performing The War Within.

The Set List

The First Three Songs

Thought Without Words (The Art of Balance)

Destroyer Of Senses (The Art of Balance)

Of One Blood (Of One Blood)

The War Within

The Light That Blinds

Enlightened By the Cold

Act of Contrition

What Drives the Weak

Stillness

Inspiration On Demand

The Power of I and I

Ghost of Past Failures

Eternity Is Within

Those Who Cannot Speak

The Final Songs

Fleshold – featuring Corey Pierce of God Forbid on drums! (Somber Eyes to the Sky and Of One Blood)

Fire From the Sky (Fire from The Sky)

King Of Nothing (Retribution)

Redemption (Threads of Life)

I would have loved to have filmed the entire set; but for whatever reason, my phone’s battery was low. It barely charged while I was driving to Starland. So, I made that I was going to film anything, that it counted.

There are no words to adequately express how intense The War Within sounded live. The energy was indescribable. Everything appeared to be performed even faster than on the album. This was a band with a LOT to prove, having not released any new material since 2012. Brian did remind everyone that the band are in fact recording a new album but couldn’t offer any insight as to when anything would be released. That’s when for a deep cut, he brought out Corey Pierce of God Forbid to play drums on “Fleshold”! The significance of him being brought out? Not only did WSOU play God Forbid as much as they played Shadows Fall on their station (although they were forced to refer to them on the air as “G Forbid” since the station is housed in a catholic school), but God Forbid actually are from New Jersey. So, I’d say it made plenty of sense. And the performance fucking ruled.

Look at the setlist and you’ll see that outside of their performing TWW in its entirety, the band played tracks covering each era of their career. You’ll notice that “Fleshold” is apparently on two albums. It’s true! It was originally on Somber Eyes to the Sky and sung by Phil Labonte. That track along with “Revel in My Loss” and “To Ashes” were reworked for Of One Blood. I’m not too sure how many more shows I’ll be going to this year but for my money, and minus the shit Metalcore/Deathcore opening bands, this is the show of the year for me.

How Jeff Got His Balls Back

Posted on by Mike

I was supposed to be finished with blogs/podcasts for the year after the most recent shit I released just two nights ago. But seeing the news post on Metal Injection’s Instagram account this morning excited me so much that before I even read the fucking story on their proper website, I went ahead and posted it on my Instagram story and wrote: “Way to go, Jeff! Congratulations, your balls and dignity are back!!!!!”

If you’ve yet to read the article or even hear the news, Guitar GOD Jeff Loomis has left Arch Enemy after nine years. That’s a lot longer than I would’ve ever imagined someone like Jeff being a part of that shitshow! Because that’s what Arch Enemy has been for well over a decade. Jeff has already been replaced by Joey Concepcion, formerly of The Absence, who I was a fan of at the time, and Sanctuary.

Is it just me, or isn’t it ironic that Jeff was replaced by the guy from Warrell Dane’s first band?

Here’s Arch Enemy’s statement:

“It’s been a joy having Jeff play with Arch Enemy for close to a decade, we truly had a blast touring around the world together! We were friends long before we played music together and we remain even closer buddies now, which feels great. We respect that he’s in a place and time in life where he needs to step out of Arch Enemy and we all wish him nothing but the best moving forward.

The only constant is change, and this is one of those moments where things had to change a little to move forward in a satisfactory way for everyone involved. With all that said, we are extremely pleased to announce that we have recruited Joey Concepcion as our new guitarist! Joey’s a phenomenal talent and has been a friend of the band for a long time, he even filled in for Jeff on a couple of European festival shows back in 2018.

We have touring and a myriad of other exciting things coming up on the horizon with Arch Enemy for 2024 and beyond and are thrilled to move forward, creating the next chapter and keeping the metal flowing!”

Jeff’s statement:

“My time in Arch Enemy has come to an end. I have had a great time (9 years!) of playing and touring with them, but now it’s time to enter a new chapter in my life. I wish Alissa, Michael, Sharlee and Daniel the very best and consider them all lifelong friends. I’d also like to thank the crew that have always been nothing but kind to me. Their hard work and dedication towards the band is incredible, and we wouldn’t be able to put on the great shows without them. Thank you again for all your support over the years and Happy New Year.”

Both of these statements sound very polished, very edited. Arch Enemy’s statement has me laughing inside a little, especially the part where they state that “this is one of those moments where things had to change a little to move forward in a satisfactory way for everyone involved“. I can only imagine this was everyone gritting their teeth as one party really wanted to exclaim, “thank fuck he’s gone so I continue writing songs in the same corny, stale formula I’ve been attached to since the late 2000’s”, while the other party is responding, “thank fuck I’m out of there, and I never have to wear those fucktarded outfits and play boring stale formulaic shit ever again!”. 

I wonder which party is which here!

If you’re reading this and somehow haven’t the faintest idea of who the fuck Jeff Loomis is outside of Bland Enemy, the Dad Rock of Metal bands (I said it!), go on Spotify, or YouTube, or Apple Music, or raid your older brother’s CD collection, and just listen to the entire Nevermore catalogue. To say that Jeff Loomis is a PHENOM would be a GROSS understatement. He has it all: his own signature playing style, his own signature sound, attitude, his own distinct songwriting style. Jeff Loomis is literally the total package. It’s easy to see upon listening to Nevermore or either of his two solo albums, 2008’s Zero Order Phase, or 2012’s Plains of Oblivion (I can almost hear Warrell Dane howling that out in my head, or even snarling it in his sinister speaking voice!) why people have commented that Jeff is comparable to an underground Dimebag Darrell. He has ALL the tools, much like Dime had, only he never met his true potential and made it to the top of the heap as Dime had just a few years before Nevermore even released their 1995 self-titled debut.

On the other side of the coin, we have the Michael Amott-led Arch Enemy. Michael also has his own signature playing style along with his own distinct songwriting style. That style was initially introduced to Carcass when he joined the band in the early 90’s, as it dictated a change in the band’s Grindcore sound into something a little different on 1991’s Necroticism – Descanting The Insalubrious. That sound was further leaned on with Carcass’s landmark 1994 album, Heartwork, which is essentially the birth of what we know today as Melodic Death Metal. There were more guitar solos, and the riffs sounded far more like Iron Maiden due to an increase in harmonized riffs than ANYTHING before 1991.

Michael took a chance and left Carcass to start Arch Enemy, which would be used to further expand on this style that Michael brought to Carcass, which in retrospect did to Carcass what Michael McDonald did to The Doobie Brothers. After two albums they hit gold when, in 2000, Arch Enemy brought in German hottie Angela Gossow on lead vocals. I first read about her as well as Arch Enemy in Terrorizer Magazine upon the release of their landmark 2001 album, Wages of Sin. She was hot. But then I heard her growl. Then I just seriously was concurrently horny and feared that, if I made her cum she’d breathe fire or some shit.

Wages was groundbreaking for its time. The riffs were equally as catchy as they were heavy, the choruses were anthems in themselves, and the contrasting lead guitar styles of Michael’s wah pedal-drenched Michael Schenker-esque technique and his brother Christopher’s far more shredder-like style put Arch Enemy in a class of its own in the Heavy Metal Underground. But that was 2002.

As time went on, Arch Enemy’s sound turned into a blatant formula, one which staled out at a steady pace. And THAT’S where the problems come in for Jeff Loomis. 

Jeff may have his own playing style that differs from the sound of Arch Enemy; but Jeff’s style is far more dynamic, intense, and diverse. I can only imagine that Jeff joining the band was an objectively great move for both parties: Michael had an EXTRAORDINARY, once-in-a-generation talent in Jeff now, and Jeff had a stable income, which he rightfully deserved. Between the break-up of Nevermore, who never saw their potential met, and releasing two solo albums that were probably just popular to the diehard Nevermore fans, I can only imagine that he might’ve been struggling a bit. There are zero guarantees in underground music, especially since the dawn of downloading.

But talk about a WASTED opportunity? Jeff didn’t have any true creative input at all. He wrote nothing, meaning that Michael is his own worst enemy. And Michael even stated at the time that he was putting a muzzle on Jeff because the band had a formula he wanted to stick to and didn’t want Jeff to potentially steer the band too far away from that formula. If that wasn’t an omen for what Jeff’s time in Arch Enemy might’ve been like, I don’t know what is. Just imagine what Jeff’s input, even if just a little per album, would have done for Arch Enemy in terms of revitalizing the band with a potentially fresher, far more exciting and intense sound. All Michael had to do was be brave enough to step away from his comfort zone just a little and that little bit would’ve made all the difference in the world. 

Michael Amott: The Undisputed King of Stepping On Your Own Dick.

Because that’s what this was. I doubt there was any true behind the scenes drama; but while Jeff had a guaranteed paycheck from a well-established band, he was legitimately being wasted. I actually heard a new Arch Enemy song featuring their current female singer (Angela left years ago and is the band’s manager, but the band sure knows how to stick to a formula!) and it was an absolute chore to listen to. If you’re a musician like me, or at least familiar with both Michael’s and Jeff’s songwriting styles, then you’d know without being told that there’s no way Jeff could’ve written that dribble. 

After CM Punk was fired from AEW earlier this year, the Young Bucks went into the ring after a taping of AEW Collision and like two children, did a victory lap around the ring in celebration of Punk’s firing, in a relatively empty area. Pretty pathetic, as Punk pointed out a year earlier that the Bucks were also stepping on their own dicks, which is currently destroying their own company from the inside. So, was Arch Enemy’s press statement addressing Jeff’s departure Michael’s own proverbial victory lap? Because while Arch Enemy continues to have a built-in fan base, who really gives a shit anymore? I sure don’t, and it’s all because Michael Amott would rather get in his own way than try to make even more money.

Much like the Young Bucks were intimidated by CM Punk and his star power, I have to wonder if Michael Amott was intimidated by Jeff Loomis and his abilities. Even though Arch Enemy CLEARLY outlived Nevermore, who broke up in 2011, could Michael have been nervous that Jeff would’ve stolen the show, challenging Michael to up his own game. Michael is clearly talented in his own right considering he literally invented a subgenre that’s copied ad nauseum to this day; but he’s not the guitarist Jeff is. Not by a longshot! 

Sadly, this is truly the better deal for Jeff as well as Bland Enemy. Bland Enemy can continue making more bland, boring Dad Metal while Michael Amott continues to step on his own dick, and Jeff Loomis can be alive again.

Recommended Listening:

Nevermore – Dreaming Neon Black (1999)

Nevermore – Dead Heart in A Dead World (2000)

Nevermore – Enemies of Reality (2003)

Nevermore – This Godless Endeavor (2005)

Jeff Loomis – Plains of Oblivion (2012)

Last Gig with Vanguard live at Dock St. Bar and Grill, Staten Island, NY, March 25th, 2005

Posted on by Mike

Within a month after my first ever metal band fired me after five more gigs including a Dimebag Darrell tribute show at the now-defunct Don Hills in Manhattan (this was actually our second show a good week after our debut gig), we all managed to stay friends…at least for a few more years. I even tagged along with two of those guys to see Black Label Society, which I just wrote about not too long ago. I even saw their first (and only) gig without me, in which Jon had switched over to my now-former spot as guitarist, and a friend of theirs took over Jon’s position as bassist for a Randy Rhoads tribute show at Dock St (Cock St). I even recall that the band chose “Over the Mountain”, the opener to Diary of a Madman, my favorite Randy-era Ozzy album as their tribute song of choice.

That situation didn’t work out for long, and for reasons I cannot remember. But I do know that while on the phone with Idrees one night, he told me the band had another Dock St show lined up but were potentially going to cancel. Why? All because they didn’t have a second guitarist.

Fucking seriously?

That to me sounded more retarded than when Idrees said he wasn’t going to introduce the songs because he wanted us to sound like we’ve been around for five years. So, that, along with my knowing that it’d be a while before I’d play another gig again while I was putting my own band together, prompted me to volunteer my services for one last gig. The deal was the band would call me ONLY if they exhausted all of their options. Idrees agreed and said the band would talk about it.

I guess they “exhausted” all of their options, because within two days I received a voicemail from Idrees: (Cheesy metal voice) “Vanguard, live at Dock St, one last time, with Mike Alexander! (Back to normal voice) Yeah man, we need you.” So just like that, I was to meet up with them at Fenix Studios for rehearsals. I’d no objections, as Fenix, which is still open today, was far closer to my house than Future Star Studios. But I’d eventually change my mind regarding my opinion on this studio within a year.

We did two rehearsals. At my request, we would cover “South Of Heaven” by Slayer, which would be how we opened our set at the show. Rehearsals were strange, not just because I was nagged into doing a second practice either. Joe Ryder was brought back as the band’s bassist, which was a welcome return, as things had apparently gone very south with Jon. Joe was not a good bassist, but he was significantly easier to be around. “Aren’t things a lot less tense now?”, commented Chad in the middle of that first night. And he was right.

That’s why I found it weird when Jon showed up for the second rehearsal two nights later. If I’m not mistaken, he’d manipulated Joe to believing the band kicked him out, which wasn’t the case at all. I imagine Chad, Idrees and Chris must’ve realized that it was way too close to the night of the show to do anything about it right there, and that the situation would have to be handled after the show. What was more amusing because of this was that Jon wanted to talk to me after the rehearsal. I’d agreed, thinking he was going to make plans to get drunk, as he had this fake ID that was perfectly counterfeited – there was NO WAY anyone could have figured out that this “21 year old” was actually 17! We were going to make plans to do that one night, but I was fired from the band before that could ever happen.

Jon didn’t want to talk about getting drunk, but he sure wanted to try to convince me to rejoin the band. He knew I was trying to put my own thing together, but he was going to try anyway. Chris, who’d previously tried to get me to come back a month earlier, heard the conversation and immediately jumped in, even though he and I both knew he had other plans for Jon. I just stood there, looking at Jon, thinking “if this kid only knew…”.

I don’t remember too much about the night of the show, expect Dock St was hot as balls. As per usual, very few people were there for me. But I did have support via Mike Spennato, aka 80’s Mike, a sucker for all things gay ass hair metal, and Florian, or just “Flo” for short, two colleagues from my college radio station. Mike would actually take the pictures you see on this blog post, and some of them came out pretty cool. Here’s a quick story about 80’s Mike:

As I’ve mentioned in the past, Chris at this point in time was dating the sister of my radio station’s music director, Marissa…who had fantastic titties. I guess there was a bit of a miscommunication between Chris and Marissa, and I’m assuming Chris might’ve heard beforehand that a member of the band he was going to audition for happened to work for the station, prompting Marrisa to tell Chris that the guitar player in question was 80’s Mike – who also happened to be her assistant director of her department, not I. Therefore, Chris, at least for a very short time, was probably waiting for me to break out Poison or some shit. Of course, he then heard me play, causing him to second guess that conversation.

Sometime before our first show Chris finally asked me if I was into hair metal, which was baffling. But as he talked more, I realized what the confusion was, prompting me to laugh as I set the record straight. He had said that as soon as he heard my playing style, he told himself “There’s no way this guy listens to Ratt!” And he’s right. Chris would actually meet 80s Mike a few weeks before I was fired during a gig and he told Mike this story while we were waiting to go on stage.

Because fuck Ratt.

On stage, our first song, as mentioned earlier, was “South of Heaven”. Chad played the intro a little too fast, something I talked to him about during rehearsals. I know he wasn’t a fan of the song, and he looked like he couldn’t wait to get it over with. I took it as a bit of inconsideration for me since I’d volunteered my services that night. The set otherwise was all the usual shit. I’m also pretty sure I went straight home afterwards.

Unless I’m greatly mistaken, the woman seen here taking pictures was Chad’s girlfriend at the time. I completely forgot her name.

Now THIS is a fucking awesome picture. I always made doubles of all my pictures, and this one was so badass that 80’s Mike wanted the double to keep. This reminds me a lot of the very first picture I ever saw of Chuck Schuldiner in the same issue of Guitar World Magazine that announced his tragic death.

Mike Spennato aka 80’s Mike on the right. I have zero recollection of who this fucking guy on the left is.

Left to right: Florian Uchitel (I think that’s how his last name is spelled), 80’s Mike, and that guy whose name I don’t remember.

The Night After

I’m pretty sure I worked that morning. I hung out with Chris and Idrees that night, I at least think Idrees was with us. Chris had fired Jon that morning on AIM, as a result of him driving Joe away before this gig and according to either Chris or Idrees, Jon complained a lot about mistakes everyone made at the show including myself. I found that weird, not just because I was gone for good now, but because mistakes happen all the time when you’re live…unless you’re in some technical Death Metal band where your feet are planted in the same spot for two hours and the only movements you make revolve around circle headbanging. Or the homos from Dream Theater.

Because fuck Dream Theater

The band itself broke up not too long after this, and most likely over the aforementioned second guitarist bullshit. They’d regroup shortly after, only to break up again just as quickly.

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Random Memories of Trevor

Posted on by Mike

It had to be sometime in early 2003. I was on a bus heading home, and, while I still had probably fifteen more minutes before I reached my destination, I pulled out the latest issue of Revolver Magazine from my backpack. If memory serves me correctly, the magazine included a one-page section highlighting recommended up-and-coming bands. There were three bands, one definitely was Himsa (fucking absolute vomit!), and the only other band I remembered was some band called The Black Dahlia Murder, whose music the magazine categorized as “Megadeth Metal”.

That’s not a joke.

Time would go on and a whole year and a half would pass before I finally came across Unhallowed, The Black Dahlia Murder’s 2003 debut album, probably in Sam Goody. I remember that this was also the same day that I bought the very denim jacket that I’d cut the sleeves off of to make a vest out of.

Unrelated note: Don’t ever use the term “Battle Jacket” to describe your denim vest with patches and buttons and spikes on it. Or go ahead and do so and be as retarded as everyone else that uses the fucking stupid term.

Anyway, my dad drove me home, as I still didn’t have a car yet. I opened up Unhallowed and looked at the cover. What’s in a name? What’s in a cover image? In the early days of mp3 downloading and, with a whole decade to go before Spotify existed, I still bought CDs, and still do so to this day. Therefore, the only way to find out what any band sounded like, was to either download a track or two, or to simply BUY the album. I popped the album into my five-disc changer and the following two tracks fucked me up.

The music in this video is actually the opening instrumental title track to the record and it breaks right into “Funeral Thirst”, so it made sense to just post the video instead of two separate links of any kind.

Either way, upon hearing those two tracks now I remember EXACTLY what stood out to me those most. The music alone was not just balls-out heavy, but those minor chord harmonies happened to make me feel every single negative emotion I ever knew or felt in my entire life. I wanted to cry, I wanted to die, I wanted to choke anyone I could get my hands on. It was hopeless. It was beautiful.

Then I heard that fucking voice. It was like nothing I had heard at the time. It was a hell of a lot more screetchy than most Death Metal bands I’d heard, with the sole exception of Chuck’s vocals on The Sound of Perseverance, Death’s last record. He hit the traditional guttural style as well and I realized that he was using the two styles for the sake of a dynamic that was not there at the time. It changed things up in all the songs and it fucking made things far more exciting.

Clearly whoever described this band as “Megadeth Metal” in Revolver Magazine a year earlier must’ve been either high or just absolutely clueless. The Black Dahlia Murder, especially as made evident in their latter-day releases were more like the greatest Carcass disciples you’ve ever heard!

This was just the beginning of a long ride for the band for the better part of two decades, two decades that would especially see Trevor Strnad standout among the traditional Death Metal frontman stereotype. As serious as he was in the video posted above, his sense of fun and humor would become FAR more prevalent not just in the videos the band would make in the coming years, but in his persona onstage. The best thing about it all was Trevor manage to balance this act out to the point that his goofiness NEVER took away from the band’s or his onstage intensity. He never took himself seriously and that connected with all of us because we knew it was genuine.

But to be clear, his lyrics were as Death Metal, and as brutal as it got. He’s a line or two from “Christ Deformed”, one of my ALL TIME favorite TBDM tracks:

Diabolic ritual open the portal to damnation
Dark legions gathering for virtuous insemination
Molest and sodomize deride the seed of god’s creation
Impale the Nazarene succumb to a spiritual inversion

In our unholy father’s disgusting house of shame
We revel in endless hatred burning so absolute
Corrupting all who’d enter here surrender to darkness
We kneel to those no more who’d burden and beguilt

Within these wretched walls a summoning proceeds
What form will manifest of this abysmal devilry
The children now are bleeding, we eunuchate his sons
To evil blood and fire this earth will soon succumb
With hell reborn
Your Christ be scorned
Dead faith now torn
His love deformed

That’s why I intentionally waited before I wrote this piece. It was hard to let sink in, that not only is Trevor gone, but to think about how it just might’ve happened. But much like with my tribute to Chris Cornell, I will NOT discuss what happened. Enough people have written about that, and we still haven’t a clue as to the whole story. But I, like most fans of The Black Dahlia Murder, have memories of meeting Trevor and even talking with him at length. Things like this, along with his ability to ACTUALLY HAVE FUN are truly why he’s the single most important Death Metal frontman in DECADES. While my memories aren’t as amazing as others, they meant something to me then, and they without question mean something to me now. So, I’ll share them.

It was the summer of 2006, and I traveled with two friends (one of which eventually got what was coming to him via a heart attack) to the Starland Ballroom in Sayreville, NJ for the Sounds of The Underground Tour, which included The Black Dahlia Murder, GWAR, Behemoth (and you bet your ass I met Nergal on this day!) and several others. I walked by TBDM’s merch table when I noticed a tall, flabby looking guy with a tattoo that read “HEARTBURN” across his belly. It was Trevor. I walked up to him and introduced myself when he replied, “talk a walk with me for a second”.

“Do me a favor, will ya?”, he asked me, as we walked. “We’re shooting a video for “Statutory Ape” today, and I need you and everybody else in that crowd to go fuckin’ crazy. Can you do that for me?” “Fuck yeah!” I immediately said. Hours later, the band walked on stage and Trevor immediately called out the entire crowd “C’MON YOU PUSSIES!!!!”, as they grinded out “I’m Charming” off Miasma, the same record that includes “Statutory Ape”. Sorry to say that no, I wasn’t crazy enough to be a part of that pit, but once Trevor called them out all bets were off.

My last memory didn’t involve a request to sacrifice myself in the pit, no. I traveled to the now defunct B.B. King’s in Times Square, New York Shitty (I said what I said), to see TBDM along with Hate Eternal and 3 inches Of Blood in January 2008. There might have been one other band on the bill, but I forgot who it was. Anyway, my friends and I arrived at B.B.’s and almost immediately I spotted Trevor at the bar. He looked a lot like he did two years prior, funny looking shorts, topless, hair all disheveled. I walked up to him again and he laughed as we reminisced over our previous meeting.

We parted ways after that, and he eventually found his way backstage. But what I always remembered about both those times was that he made himself accessible. It’s a story we’d ALL go on to hear about him over the years. He always hung out with the fans. Upon moving to Brooklyn (and I’ve to this day no idea why he’d do that to himself!), he apparently hung out at St. Vitus on the regular and would support the local bands and talk with everybody there. He even wrote a column for Metal Injection where he’d recommend underground Extreme Metal bands.

I don’t know many other frontmen of legend status like Trevor’s who’d do all those things. We might not ever completely know what happened to the charismatic (that word doesn’t even do it justice!) frontman of THE single most important Death Metal band of this century so far. But he left an UNDENIABLE mark that can never be removed. There will never be another frontman as genuine as Trevor Strnad.

RIP Trevor Strnad 1981 – 2022

My Take On Metallica’s Being A Band.

Posted on by Mike

https://open.spotify.com/show/4Adxscmvu0LeAWt2xA734l

They’ve got to be kidding…right?

Upon hearing a week ago that Metallica were hosting their own Masterclass series titled Being A Band, I quickly saw just as many eyebrows raised throughout the internet. Nice to know I wasn’t the only one with a brain. Let’s be real: the idea of Metallica teaching ANYONE how to be a band is absolutely laughable. I could give two shits about their legacy, it’s absolutely moot to the purpose of this article.

I just wonder if anyone reading this has actually paid to watch that shit. I can only imagine they’d have no choice but to dwell on their dark past (OTHER than Cliff Burton’s gruesome death in 1986 and James Hetfield entering rehab in 2001) that NO ONE really brings up. So that begs the question: how much of their “advice” is based on the truth? How much more of it is based on a fabricated history? Fuck, Jason Newsted had recently alluded to the fact that there are a “lot of secrets” within Metallica.

That aside, I know better than to watch this shitshow. But I’m here today to bring you my own, homespun, brutally honest interpretation of Being A Band, all for free and all for your displeasure. Let’s go with number 1, shall we??

Saxondebut.jpg
  1. Labor For Far Longer Than Necessary Over Song Arrangements

That’s right. Go find a band that’s a major influence on you the way Saxon influenced Lars, watch them beat a song arrangement to death when it probably sounded good after just a few tries, assume that it’s the only way to write songs and prepare for a career chock full of infighting within your band. Do you happen to have a musician in your band that’s a songwriting genius that can just shit out song after song on his own while keeping shit basic? Does your band have the ability to make a QUALITY album in a relatively short amount of time?

Fuck that! Make sure that you ALWAYS have to have a say in EVERYTHING the band does. Make sure you oversee every minute detail of the simplest, four minute single. Makes sure your band practices that song over and over again to the point that, once you finally hit that record button, your deadline for the album is just around the corner. How the fuck could first take magic possibly mean shit when you can take years to write all of ten songs and totally piss of your loyal fan base, as they wait possibly close to a decade before you release that next album? Duh!

Image result for bob rock

2. Make Sure Your Producer Doubles As A Yoko

You’re inching closer and closer to success with each passing album. You’ve finally hit Platinum status in sales AND you’re even a home owner now. Imagine you and your band jamming away on a fast, probably badass new track as the big name producer your label brought in arrives and hears what you’re playing. His hello to the band is to tell you to stop and play it slower.

Absolutely listen to him and let him know right away that he has control over you and that your balls are safe…in his grip! It won’t seem like that at first, especially since your initial record under his supervision becomes your biggest selling album of ALL TIME, even if it unquestionably divides fans, and leaving some questioning your integrity. Keep that producer for the next several years, as he influences you to explore sonic territory that not only is unnecessary, but alienates whatever ever “back in the day” fans you have left.

Go ahead and let him be considered by the public to be your band’s fifth member (or sixth if your band’s a five piece already). Take him everywhere you go like the little lapdog he is, and he’ll know he doesn’t need to worry about the source of his next pay check. If you lose a band member, let him PLAY on your next album, thus giving him hope that he might even join your band that he helped to completely alter the course of. Let him dominate you like you’re his BDSM dungeon bitch so bad that the stench is strong for decades to…cum.

Image result for kirk hammett wah meme

3. Overuse Your Wah Wah Pedal To The Point Of Sexual Abuse

Are you the lead guitarist in your band? Did you idolize guitarists that made decent use of their wah pedals the way Kirk Hammett says Michael Schenker is one of the reasons he himself started relying on the wah pedal? Well what the fuck are you waiting for? Stomp that pedal and rock it back and forth uncontrollably and far more often than your idols ever did!

You can’t stand out if your wah pedal use has control and intentional limitations. You need to use your wah pedal on practically EVERY SINGLE SOLO YOU EVER PLAY. Your tone with the wah MUST be insufferable, and you have to sound like you have absolutely no right hand at all.

At all.

Ever.

Not even to jerk off.

4. Grant A Film Crew Unlimited Access To All Of Your Band’s Drama

Did you decide to have a little fun and let the whole world see your band in the middle of recording an album? Did shit not go as planned? Did a band member quit? Did someone go to rehab after years of unchecked abuse that’s still nothing compared to another ex member, whose trips to rehabs surpassed double digits long before your first go at sobriety? Is this person you?

Pay that film crew for the rights to that footage and continue to film away!

Expose your personal business to the entire world. Hire a “performance enhancement” coach known for working with NFL teams, because it doesn’t matter how many business deals you’ve gone through as a band – you can’t handle someone quitting. This coach CANNOT be a licensed psychologist or even a licensed psychotherapist. Treat him like your own, personal security blanket and keep him on your payroll for far longer than any other band in history. Much like your producer (see #2), make HIM so comfortable that he starts trying to write lyrics for your band in the middle of a recording session. The more leeches in your life the better, of course!

Speaking of band members leaving, I saved the most important bit of advice for last.

5. Drive Your Most Loyal Bandmate To Quit

This is the last thing I’ve ever wish on any band. But imagine you lost a band member in a horrific accident ala Cliff Burton. Instead of taking time off to grieve the loss of your comrade in arms, throw yourselves immediately into replacing him before you head overseas to tour. Find yourself your band’s biggest fan.

  • He worships the very bandmember he’s replacing
  • He knows your entire catalog inside and out
  • He’s willing to do anything you want because he doesn’t want to take this chance for granted
  • He’ll sign autographs backstage while your lazy ass is already back at the hotel getting shitfaced

Haze the shit out of him. You want to remind him that he didn’t just waltz into a happy situation; but because neither you or your band ever gave yourselves the time needed to grieve, you can just take out all of your anger on that loyal, new replacement. Prank him backstage, embarrass him onstage. Dictate what and how he plays when recording an album.

Completely shatter his spirit by being the one guy to still haze him even years after everybody else grows up and accepts reality. Condemn him during an interview with a national publication for daring to express his desires to record an album with a decidedly different sounding side band because you’re afraid to lose him, even if you’re still treating him the new kid years after his arrival into your life. And when he requests to hold a meeting with the band to further express his desires for a break because he physically ran himself to the ground for you and your band, show up drunk at 10 in the morning and tell him no, ultimately strengthening his resolve to tell you to he’s gone.

Follow these five easy steps and YOU just might be on your way to a highly successful career in music!

4/28/22 – look below to see the most hilarious fangirl comment I’ve ever seen. It’s dopes, like this who forget that I’m basically speaking opinion here, whose over the top reactions let me know I’m doing my job. Thanks bud!

My First Metal Gig – Vanguard live at Dock Street Bar And Grill, Staten Island, NY February 4th 2005

Posted on by Mike

As I might’ve alluded to in a previous article or two, I joined my first Metal band as a guitarist in 2004.  Previously I’d been a drummer.  But it wasn’t until close to year’s end that we rounded up our line up with a rhythm section, having auditioned these two buffoons in Phrygian Studios in Staten Island.  As far as I know it’s still around…although that might change depending on when this pandemic ends.  THAT was an audition!  A completely inexperienced drummer with no technique, a bassist that knew literally nothing about the bass and WREAKED OF SHIT ALL THE FUCKING TIME, and Chad, my co-guitarist who seemingly forgot how to play anything that day or just didn’t have a care in the world.  More on the that later!

Fast forward to early 2005.  Joe Ryder, our original bassist, while a really nice, quiet guy, was replaced with John Vaynburg, a far more talented bassist – one of only two bassists I ever played with that could nail “The Trooper”, my all time favorite Maiden tune, to the T!  Unfortunately he turned out to be a bit of a princess.  But hey at least he didn’t WREAK OF SHIT ALL THE FUCKING TIME!  Chris, our drummer, slowly began to hold quite an influence on Chad and Idrees’s decision making, thanks to his far more arrogant personality.  And I’d every once and a while be lectured – even by the very drummer who I taught to FINALLY develop independent control of his hands and feet! – in regards to my guitar playing being nowhere near as fluid or as glorious as Chad’s.  Oh sure, Chad certainly did have technique.  But I had tons more feel and attitude.  More on that later.

Around this time, we had a few originals, written mainly by Chad.  I’d brought some stuff to the table but I’d leave the band almost right after they’d started using my shit.  But it was evident that Chad’s music was more in favor because it was more in the Power Metal vein that Chad and Chris were very much into.  Power Metal: GAY.  Idrees’s gay ass cheesy lyrics didn’t help either!  It was hilarious that this is what seemed to be agreed upon when you consider that we were five guys between the ages of 17 and 20 (I was the oldest and the only one in college) that all had individual subgenre favorites.

Idrees, who my own father referred to as “that black kid who thinks he’s white”, was stuck somewhere between 1983 and 1990, and Slayer was his religion, like to the point that it was pathetic.  His “singing”, if you can call it that, was more akin to if Luther Vandross joined Judas Preist.  I still roast him to this day over it.  Chad, while a major Iron Maiden fanatic, also was enamored in all things Steve Vai.  Chris essentially followed Chad’s path, only he became a Power Metal fanatic (although he’d see the light months later).  John’s tastes were closer to mine.  He was very much a Death Metal fan, like I.  He also was a Black Metal fan.  Then there was me, and if you’ve been reading this blog for the last five years then you already know I only listen to the good shit.  And it reflected in my playing, especially my lead playing, sloppy as it might’ve been at the time.  I wanted to be the bastard child of Mustaine in his prime and Zakk Wylde.  While Chad played prissy lead fills, I was the guy that just ripped on his Body Art Series B.C. Rich Bich.

The Ballad Of Dock St Bar And Grill

As the title of this rant should suggest, this gig was on Staten Island.  I might as well admit that I’m actually from Staten Island.  Trust me, I’m not proud of it.  Where to begin?  Well, for the sake of this article anyway, the music scene, at least at this time, could only be described in one word: LAME.  Due to the Island’s isolation from the other four boroughs in New York City, along with some fucking morons blindly wearing that isolation with pride, there was nothing really exciting to talk about.  There’s a reason why Chris would eventually look outside the island for people to play with.

The local Metal scene had very few decent bands.  Dethroned, Enthralled and especially Into The Dementia come to mind (not the biggest Prog Metal fan but fuck me could Anthony sing!).  Whiny Pop Punk was very popular.  Rap was and will forever be a big deal on Staten Island, primarily because Wu Tang are from there.  And by the way, if you’re reading this, are a grown adult around my age living in Staten Island, and still refer to it as “Shaolin”, you should probably be shot in the throat.  Five times.  But the tried and true money maker, as I’d later discover?  Cover bands.  So in a nutshell, Staten Island was, and probably still is boring.

By the way, just so we’re clear: Fuck the Wu Tang Clan and anybody that looks like them.

Dock St had been around for decades.  I’d actually played there numerous times during my senior year of high school in 2001 and 2002 with my previous band.  Aside from Cock St, there hadn’t been many venues for bands to play in that I knew of, especially in the case of bands where only one of us was BARELY under 21.  Fuck, Dock St alone had gone through countless management changes both before I ever even played there and especially long after I’d stopped going there.  I hated it.  It was small, I didn’t like that the booker, who I’d known for a few years, was a grown man befriending the kids, and it was just boring to me.  If you’re a grown man hanging out with teenagers, you’re creepy.

Gig Night

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Inside the shithole that was Dock St.  In the middle, starting from the left: Chris Dickinson (yeah, that Chris Dickinson), Chad Cresante, John Vaynburg.  Bottom: Idrees Williams

Unlike most of the bandmates I’ve played with over the years, I never got nervous or anxious before a gig.  This was no different.  But I was very tired, and very annoyed when Chris called me while I was home napping before the show, wanting to know where I was.  When I told him I was home resting before the gig because you know, I had work early in the morning and then class afterwards, he had the nerve to tell me to get down there as soon as possible as if it was his band.  Of course I ignored him and did my own thing.  I heard the anxiety in his voice.  This was his first band and hey, I was 16 when I did my first shows.  But a word of advice to you anxious musicians out there: there’s NO NEED TO PANIC BEFORE A FUCKING GIG.  JUST GET THE SAND OUT OF YOUR PUSSIES AND YOU’LL BE JUST FINE.

My mom, of all people, came to the gig.  I warned her not to, for she was going to see a side of me she’d wish she never saw.  The band were going to see a side of me they didn’t think they’d see either.  More on that later.  I do remember seeing some teenager with a water bottle.  He asked me if a wanted a swig before going onstage, revealing that the water was actually whiskey.  How could I say no?  I walked up on stage decked out in all black.  I had on a Death t-shirt that I actually still have, black jeans, black boots, a biker watch and a chain around my neck, ready to show these idiots who the real star was…after someone told me he wanted to have sex with my guitar.

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We opened up with a song called “Death Knell” (and here we go with the gay ass song titles!), after Idrees refused to introduce the band  because we needed “to sound like we’ve been around for five years”.  He actually said that.  To this day he claims he meant that as a joke; but he seemed way too serious for that to be a joke.  As soon as the tempo picked up I spread my legs as far apart as they would go and began banging my head as aggressively as I could without my glasses falling off.  I spat into the audience, my eyes popped out of my head as I was ripping through solos.

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Then I opened up my mouth.  There were a lot more people at the show then I imagined there would be.  Very few of them were there for me but the crowd were so into it that a former friend of mine decided to guard my mom, who according to him claimed she was going to beat up the first person who bumped into her.  Well, she didn’t stay around much longer.  After the second or third song, I took the mic from Idrees, looked toward Chad’s emo looking friends and yelled out “…and remember kids, emo is for pussies!”.

We went on to play a few more cheesy titled original tracks along with covers of “Aces High” (where I played the part of Adrian Smith) and “Peace Sells…But Who’s Buying” (where I played the part of Dave, of course!).  Chad was probably the one guy who had no life to him during this show…or any of the shows we played together.  Looking at some of the pictures that were taken he appeared to just have some arrogant smirk on his face, as if he was already bored because even his own music wasn’t challenging enough for him.  It was the same smirk he had the afternoon we auditioned Chris and Joe Ryder just three months earlier.  Kids, when you don’t know how to just have fun at your FIRST GIG, you’ll never have fun.

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Doing my best Adrian Smith impression, playing his solo in “Aces High”.

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Final song of the night, “Fear Is Eternal”.  See what I mean about these gay song titles??

As I walked off the stage, the first thing I noticed was my mom was gone and I right away assumed it was because I singled out the emo kids the way I did.  I did stay for the last band, Whole In One.  They were a Pop Punk band, however I was friends with Ralph, their drummer.  I’m almost positive I left after them and joined the band for food afterwards at Mike’s Place in New Dorp Lane.

I arrived home late that night to a call on my cell phone as I was walking upstairs.  It was these two possibly drunk whores prank calling me.  Upon asking them how they got my number and who they were they were rambling a lot, prompting me to hang up.  They called back, asking me why I hung up, prompting me to threaten their lives.  They then left a hilarious voicemail claiming I never had sex, which was pretty funny since I lost my virginity at 18; and that I apparently suck because I like Iron Maiden.  That was a actually an amusing little chuckle to end my night.

The Day After

While eating oatmeal before I left for work early the next morning, mom slowly walked into the kitchen to finally give me a piece of her “mind”, as it were.  She was so pitiful, reflecting back in such dramatic fashion, on her view of me after seeing and hearing me in front of a live mic.  She confirmed, like the drama queen she always was and still is, that she did in fact walk right out the moment she heard me call out those kids.  “You were better in Fallout”, she angrily told me before walking back into her bedroom.  Fallout was my high school band, in which I played drums.  Therefore I’ve no doubt that her last remark to me was her way of telling me things were better when I couldn’t get to a mic so easily.  She’d never see me play live again.

Later that night, I picked up Idrees to go hang out at Chris’s house.  Chris’s attention, for the most part was aimed directly at me.  Why?  Remember when I said I was going to show a side of me the band never saw before?  Well, he sure as fuck didn’t know what to make of my performance even 24 hours later.  When I asked him what the big deal was he commented that he’d seen me with my feet planted together at virtually every band rehearsal leading up to the gig, seemingly having no life in me.  I tricked them all to the point where Chris got a tad giddy as he told Idrees and I “you both are like my fuckin’ Thrash Metal icons man!”.  Mission complete.

Inside the house was the guy that recorded our show to watch.  And apparently he was emo, because he immediately pleaded with me to not do what I did on the mic ever again because I sounded like an asshole.  I think he later on went home and cried as he fingered his pussy while blasting his favorite Bright Eyes album.  Mission accomplished!

Random Thoughts

Posted on by Mike

All Hail The Race Card!

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I’m so disinterested in the things rich celebrities say or do that I had no clue who the fuck Lisa Marie Falcone, with her surgically implanted cheeks…or her piano playing pig, even was until last week.  I also learned that her style of entitlement and ignorance apparently isn’t just for white people anymore either.  Long story boring, her billionaire dipshit husband, Phil Falcone is facing a lawsuit for unpaid wages by former employee, chef Brian Villanueva.

But wait!  Here’s the fun part.  According to Villanueva, here’s what Lisa Maria Falcone had to say about his girlfriend, also a chef, during a dinner party which included Lisa’s supposed best friend Alicia Keys and her husband Swizz Beatz: “Your girlfriend speaks very well. She seems educated. I would describe her as a chocolate-covered marshmallow”.  When asked what the fuck that meant, an arrogant Falcone told Villanueva: “Alicia (Keys) doesn’t speak that way. She didn’t have an education and was just discovered by (record producer) Clive Davis when she was 15 years old. Swizz (Beatz) definitely doesn’t speak that way either.”

Oh, did you think we were finished?  When Falcone finally took notice that her chef just…maybe…was a tad offended, she continued by asking Villanueva: “Do you use the word ‘n—a’ at home with your girlfriend?  I’m Puerto Rican and grew up in Spanish Harlem so I can speak like that.  You’re not ethnic like black people and Puerto Rican people. You’re only a minority.  Talk to my black friends. They will tell you that I am not racist.”

So many things I can say here and so little time.

The Race Card.  Such a classic way to justify ignorance, especially with celebrities and rich folk.  Former Alabama Governor George Wallace, who once claimed: “In the name of the greatest people that have ever trod this earth, I draw the line in the dust and toss the gauntlet before the feet of tyranny, and I say segregation now, segregation tomorrow, segregation forever.”, had the nerve decades later to say in a 2000 documentary on his life that he wasn’t racist and tried to justify it by bring out an elderly black man and saying this man was his best friend.

No, dickhead.  No.

Knowing, or being close friends with one or two people who happen to be of a different ethnicity to you can never justify calling out his/her race in any way.  My oldest friend of thirty years, and literally THE best friend I ever had, is black.  But I also know that if I were to go off on some crazy racist tirade and justify it by saying that my oldest friend is black, he still wouldn’t think twice of putting the kibosh on what we have.  Because he’s not stupid.  And in that same side of things, Lisa Marie Falcone, you ignorant, spoiled cunt, being a Puerto Rican from Spanish Harlem doesn’t justify you singling out anyone – especially when there’s so much money to be taken from you when you – and especially your tax dodging husband – keep fucking up.  Go you!  Jackass!

The Politics Of Hypocrisy

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“I always believed that leadership involves listening and reading and respecting diverse viewpoints and acknowledging when you didn’t get them right. Over time, I’ve come to understand something that I long struggled to admit to myself: I got something important wrong. I got something important really wrong.

I didn’t understand that back then the full impact that stops were having on the black and Latino communities. I was totally focused on saving lives. But, as we know, good intentions aren’t good enough.
Now, hindsight is 20/20. But, as crime continued to come down as we reduced stops, and as it continued to come down during the next administration, to its credit, I now see that we could and should have acted sooner, and acted faster, to cut the stops. I wish we had and I’m sorry that we didn’t. But I can’t change history. However, today, I want you to know that I realize back then I was wrong and I’m sorry.”
These were former New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s words regarding the Stop And Frisk policy just a few days ago.
I’m not one to ever discuss politics on this blog, or ever, really.  And I won’t even get into it now.  But let’s talk about why he’s even apologizing.  Does he truly mean it?  Let’s see…now’s the time to get on the band wagon with every other Democrat hoping to be the next year’s Presidential front runner so….I’m going to go with hell fuck no!  For those of you not in the know, Bloomberg, a life long Democrat switch sides just so he could run for office.
On the outside his views could switch at the drop of a hat.  But on the inside it was different.  As a native New Yorker, and a city worker, I won’t hesitate to say he spent way too much time micro managing the city as if it was his famous corporation.  Also, I directly blame him for the gentrification of the city post 9/11, causing rent to increase across the board, ultimately marking the beginning of the gradual demise of most mom and pop businesses in the city, and also forcing tenants out of their homes and on to the streets.
So with that in mind, is he really sorry that his take on crime and punishment might just be what caused the rift between minority groups and the NYPD, a rift that’s just as strong today as it was when Stop And Frisk was in effect?  Or is the businessman in him just looking to get that much coveted minority vote?  Me?  I’d say some snakes just never change their stripes.  Politics.  The fun just never stops.
My Makeshift Email To My Hypothetical Employees
To anyone who might be new to this site, I work full time in education.  Quite a trip.  For every few students that will work their hardest and always make you smile, there’ll always be that one psycho trying to stab you with a pencil.  Or worse!
So, I receive e-mails from my school’s Assistant Principal every Sunday morning.  Here’s an example of her introductory paragraph:
“Happy Sunday all.  I hope that you are enjoying your weekend.  I had to go out of town this weekend so as I am in the passenger side of the car, riding, I am thinking about what happened this week at work, the mounds of paperwork that need to be done, and what I need to get for Thanksgiving and suddenly, I just look out the window.  We are driving over a bridge and I am just staring out the window intently.  My husband looks over at me and says, “I know that look, you have an idea”.  And I say, “this bridge has me thinking of P.S. ##(don’t think for a second I was going to let you fuckers know where I work!)”.  Have you looked at the characteristics of a bridge.  They have barriers on both sides for your protection.  It serves as a means to get to the other side.”…and so on and so forth, blah blah blah…
I like my Assistant Principal a lot.  I really do.  But let’s face it, this shit is as phony as it gets.  I totally understand what she’s trying to achieve with this dribble.  But does she really expect us to believe she was looking at a bridge, or watching some TV show, or playing some sport and was suddenly inspired to find a correlation between that and the school?  Fuck no!
But it led me think about what I’d do if I was in her position and wanted to stay close with my hypothetical staff.  Would I write a weekly blog like this?  And if I did, what the fuck would I do to at least try to keep it real?  I wonder…
Good Morning!  I hope everyone did something this weekend to improve their overall mental and emotional health in order to begin yet another productive, fulfilling week here.  Let’s be real, that could be a lot of things.  And so long as I don’t see it, I could give two fucks what you do.  Do you drink a fifth of vodka on a Friday night and pick a fight with a random stranger?  Pick up a few hookers to relieve some…tension?  Attend some “parties”?  Perhaps you punch a few walls in your garage?  Who cares?  If it makes you feel fresh and recharged by the time you come back here on Monday morning, as the famous, decades old Nike slogan says – just do it! 
So, my own weekend wasn’t so exciting.  Ran out of beer and was too lazy (and exhausted from dealing with all of your students since no one seems to be able to handle them!) to go out and get more, wasn’t able to hit that 400lb squat in the gym and BOTH my fuck buddies were sick.  What the fuck are the chances of THAT happening?  So, with nowhere else to turn to, I broke out the laptop and watched an old clip from the favorites section of my YouPorn account!  In a clip entitled “Man, His Wife, And The Babysitter”, the wife walks in on his husband….well…getting sucked off by the babysitter.  Well, duh! 
Long story boring, the wife decides to take control of the situation by forcing the now guilt stricken babysitter to continue sucking her husband off, ultimately taking turns fucking this guy that, in any REAL situation would never be this lucky.  And of course, wifey, the betrayal still fresh in her mind, waits until he’s good and spent before declaring “I want a divorce!”, as she storms out of her soon to be ex’s office.  
This whole situation got me to thinking of our school, its trials and tribulations, its many ups and downs (no not THOSE ups and downs!),who’s backstabbing and betraying who, and feelings among each other as a staff and as a family.  You don’t need to be told that we won’t always agree with each other’s ideas and approaches on helping our students succeed.  In fact, I’m almost positive some of you ICT teachers in particular are ready to just KILL each other after ten months of conflicting personalities, approaches, intrusions such as teacher assistants and cluster teachers changing preps on you.  But if three people can have super hot sex in the most awkward of times, with the older wife showing the younger, greener babysitter how it’s done, then I fail to see how we as a staff cannot get through the most awkward of moments by simply taking the raw emotion out of a situation.
For ten months out of the year we need to set an example to these impressionable, young scholars.  What example do you think we set if we fight in front of them?  What sense of authority or even stability are we providing if, for 6 and a half measly hours per day, we can’t keep it together?  Of course, this is not to say break out into having sex if you have to show your co-teacher “how it’s done”…but if you do just make sure it’s in a closet somewhere and take pictures!  😉  It’s time for me to go clean myself off.  But I’ll leave you with this before I go: just ride it out until June and on that last day, in the same way that pissed off wife declared she wanted a divorce, you can tell you co-teacher to go fuck him/herself and ride off into the sunset until September…only to begin the whole process all over again.  See you all tomorrow!
Respectfully Yours,
Your Angry Metalhead Principal
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